I can't believe I forgot this was still here, but I think I'll be updating here more now because I think I need an outlet because of everything that's happening in my life right now!
Updates~
I graduated from college! Yes! I earned my Master of Arts in Teaching back in September and while I was upset about not being able to go to my graduation (It was the same day as Kennedy's), I did need to be here for her. It's not like she has another parent who is willing to come and support her. (Not like any of my children do.
Anyway.....
I have a job... An excellent job. One that pays me well enough so that I'm not missing the income from the deadbeats that donated their sperm to help me make children that they don't help take care of. Yes, I'm still dealing with that. That's something that I don't think I'll ever really get over, because it's in my face everyday when I'm the only one they can come to when they need something.
We didn't move to Japan.... At least not yet.
Why?
Well, I decided that I needed to save more money, PLUS I am back in school! Yes... I'm crazy to do it again, but I need this degree in Early Childhood Education, so that I can be a in place to ask for what I want, instead of having to settle because I don't meet the requirements they're asking. SO.... I'm working toward my second Masters degree, this one is my Master of Science in Early Childhood Education! It's exciting, yet odd because of what I do now. I am teaching new childcare providers and helping them to get their CDA (Child Development Associate, while studying the same thing. It's trippy sometimes, but what I am learning helps me a great deal in the classroom, so it seems to be kismet! I'm having a good time, getting paid well and able to take care of everything without having to rely on other people to help me. It seriously makes me feel good about myself to know that I'm doing this. On my own.
I haven't heard from the "man" in years, and I can't say I'm sorry. It would have been nice if he'd acted at least a teeny bit interested in the daughter he claimed to want so much, but... I guess that's too much to ask. I've settled things with Kyndall, though. I told her that he died. That actually makes her look at him sympathetically and I think that's better than her hating him or even.... Or even feeling like she did something wrong to deserve the fact that he's not around.
Why did I tell her that?
Well.... One of the last things he told me was that she could never know who he is. So... The only way I could make sure that she wouldn't go looking for him, was to take him away permanently. She made a comment the other day that makes me incredibly glad that I told her what I did. She was talking to Kennedy, and asked her what she knew about her own father. Kennedy told her that she knows that he's a deadbeat loser who doesn't take care of his responsibilities. Kyndall remarked that she felt better knowing that her dad left her because he had no choice, not because he didn't want to be bothered with her. Sorry... But I'd rather her have that point of view.
Kennedy and Karson think he's dead too. Kennedy no longer has nightmares about him, and Karson sleeps in his own room and is able to go to the bathroom by himself! He even showers by himself now! SO... If telling that one lie means that my children can function. I'm glad I did it.
And he's dead to me, anyway...
-Kanye shrug-
See you soon...
~D
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Friday, May 15, 2015
It's Been A LONG Time...
Wow, right?
I can't believe it's been so long since I've last written, but I needed to get away from this blog for few. It was actually sucking a great deal of joy out of my life, and since I don't really need to think on certain people anymore, why should I continue to write about them? It felt like I was beginning to obsess over people who're just not worthy of that, not that there is anyone who is! But... I was giving too much of my time, too much of my life to people who didn't deserve it. It was time to move on, at least until I could step back and see things another way. And I did. Even though I never downplayed my part in this drama, I still minimized it. I am human, after all and it seems to be our way to push away from the negative and try to deny we had much to do with it. I mean... We'll claim some responsibility, but never the whole. It's time that I claim my entire role.
I could have said no.
I knew what moving to Ohio meant. I'd been in love with this dude for over 10 years, so of course I knew something was bound to happen. I knew what my feelings were and I knew if he were to try something, that I didn't have the strength nor the inclination to say no. I loved him. I wanted what he wanted.
I could have told the truth.
There were times when his wife came out and asked me how I felt about him. I lied each and every time. I could have told her that I was still just as in love with him as I was the day I met him. I could have told her that I wasn't in a position to deny him if he ever wanted more than just friendship from me.
I could have told her where he really was.
When she asked, I could have told her. I should have. But I didn't want the responsibility of that. I justified it by saying it wasn't my responsibility to tell her. That he was the one married to her. Not me. That the discussion was be between them, not us. I should have told her.
I could have told her how I really felt about her.
I should have told her how weak and desperate she seemed. Fighting to hold on to a man who had done nothing but disrespect her from the day I stepped into Ohio and even before. I should have told her that I thought she was country, and unlearned and ignorant and hypocritical. That her children were ordinary kids, just like anyone else's and that they were no more destined for greatness than anyone else's. But I lied. Just like everyone else. I should have told her that I wasn't interested in her friendship. That the only reason I ever even tried was because her husband told me it was a requirement. How I mentally bashed her advice, since it certainly wasn't working for her and how she dressed like a 75 year old woman. Again. I lied. Trying to please him.
People asked me all the time what our relationship was, and I lied to them.
People I genuinely liked. I lied to their faces about what he and I really were. How we'd met. That's right. It's time I take responsibility for it all. Not just what I want to share, but all of it.
I didn't chase him, but I wanted to.
He honestly left me no space to chase him. He was doing all the chasing constantly. I never had to lift a finger. He did all the calling, all the lying, all the sneaking, all the improvising to give us more alone time together. He worked out a system at Kroger to get his receipt stamped at just the right time to have more time to come across the street to my house to make love to me before he went home. Bragged to me about how he wouldn't shower, because it felt good and even naughty to him to be able home, around his wife, smelling of me and what we'd done. (I thought he was pretty gross, but hey... It floated his boat, so I was down for whatever.
I allowed this to happen to me.
I'm not some victim. At any time I could have told him no. I could have said that I didn't want to do it anymore. I could have left like I did eventually, but a lot sooner. I let him make me his whore. But never again. I will never allow another man to disrespect me like that again.
I don't care if I have to be alone for the rest of my life.
There...
Now you have it.
My confessions.
Moving on.
There has been so much that has happened since I've last written.
Kennedy is 17 years old and nearly graduating from high school.
(Real high school. Not home school.)
Karson is 13 and doing so well in school that I can't believe I ever listened to anyone else's advice concerning him. Mommy really does know best.
Kyndall is an amazing 7 year old, who will skip a grade. She'll go directly to 3rd grade next year instead of 2nd and I'm so proud of her.
And...
Well...
I've since had a new addition to my little family.
Her name is Keylee. She's 2 years old and is Mommy's princess. So busy an outspoken and just an amazing little girl. Just like her brother and sisters.
I finished my Bachelor's degree and am 2 classes away from my Master's in Education, my concentration in English! We'll be moving to Tokyo, Japan in the Spring of 2016, if the Lord says the same.
Life goes on.
I can't believe it's been so long since I've last written, but I needed to get away from this blog for few. It was actually sucking a great deal of joy out of my life, and since I don't really need to think on certain people anymore, why should I continue to write about them? It felt like I was beginning to obsess over people who're just not worthy of that, not that there is anyone who is! But... I was giving too much of my time, too much of my life to people who didn't deserve it. It was time to move on, at least until I could step back and see things another way. And I did. Even though I never downplayed my part in this drama, I still minimized it. I am human, after all and it seems to be our way to push away from the negative and try to deny we had much to do with it. I mean... We'll claim some responsibility, but never the whole. It's time that I claim my entire role.
I could have said no.
I knew what moving to Ohio meant. I'd been in love with this dude for over 10 years, so of course I knew something was bound to happen. I knew what my feelings were and I knew if he were to try something, that I didn't have the strength nor the inclination to say no. I loved him. I wanted what he wanted.
I could have told the truth.
There were times when his wife came out and asked me how I felt about him. I lied each and every time. I could have told her that I was still just as in love with him as I was the day I met him. I could have told her that I wasn't in a position to deny him if he ever wanted more than just friendship from me.
I could have told her where he really was.
When she asked, I could have told her. I should have. But I didn't want the responsibility of that. I justified it by saying it wasn't my responsibility to tell her. That he was the one married to her. Not me. That the discussion was be between them, not us. I should have told her.
I could have told her how I really felt about her.
I should have told her how weak and desperate she seemed. Fighting to hold on to a man who had done nothing but disrespect her from the day I stepped into Ohio and even before. I should have told her that I thought she was country, and unlearned and ignorant and hypocritical. That her children were ordinary kids, just like anyone else's and that they were no more destined for greatness than anyone else's. But I lied. Just like everyone else. I should have told her that I wasn't interested in her friendship. That the only reason I ever even tried was because her husband told me it was a requirement. How I mentally bashed her advice, since it certainly wasn't working for her and how she dressed like a 75 year old woman. Again. I lied. Trying to please him.
People asked me all the time what our relationship was, and I lied to them.
People I genuinely liked. I lied to their faces about what he and I really were. How we'd met. That's right. It's time I take responsibility for it all. Not just what I want to share, but all of it.
I didn't chase him, but I wanted to.
He honestly left me no space to chase him. He was doing all the chasing constantly. I never had to lift a finger. He did all the calling, all the lying, all the sneaking, all the improvising to give us more alone time together. He worked out a system at Kroger to get his receipt stamped at just the right time to have more time to come across the street to my house to make love to me before he went home. Bragged to me about how he wouldn't shower, because it felt good and even naughty to him to be able home, around his wife, smelling of me and what we'd done. (I thought he was pretty gross, but hey... It floated his boat, so I was down for whatever.
I allowed this to happen to me.
I'm not some victim. At any time I could have told him no. I could have said that I didn't want to do it anymore. I could have left like I did eventually, but a lot sooner. I let him make me his whore. But never again. I will never allow another man to disrespect me like that again.
I don't care if I have to be alone for the rest of my life.
There...
Now you have it.
My confessions.
Moving on.
There has been so much that has happened since I've last written.
Kennedy is 17 years old and nearly graduating from high school.
(Real high school. Not home school.)
Karson is 13 and doing so well in school that I can't believe I ever listened to anyone else's advice concerning him. Mommy really does know best.
Kyndall is an amazing 7 year old, who will skip a grade. She'll go directly to 3rd grade next year instead of 2nd and I'm so proud of her.
And...
Well...
I've since had a new addition to my little family.
Her name is Keylee. She's 2 years old and is Mommy's princess. So busy an outspoken and just an amazing little girl. Just like her brother and sisters.
I finished my Bachelor's degree and am 2 classes away from my Master's in Education, my concentration in English! We'll be moving to Tokyo, Japan in the Spring of 2016, if the Lord says the same.
Life goes on.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Hey there!!!
SO, a whole Spring and Summer has passed without so much as a peep from me, huh? What's new? LOTS! I have a new man in my life, although I don't know if you'd call him new anymore since I've been seeing him since March! Name; George W. Reddick, Age; 44, Height; 6'6 (you know I love the TALL/BIG ones!) Weight; 350lbs. So now you have the stats, and as time goes on I'll share more of him with you. BUT just when I had resigned myself to being by myself, the Lord gave me a wonderful man!
I'm in love.......
D.
I'm in love.......
D.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Well.... Hello!
Nothing's been going on here, just living day to day and finishing up my degree. Yeah, I'm excited BUT I've done this several times before SO finishing school and graduating is old hat for me now. I'll walk the stage for this AA in July in Phoenix BUT I'll start my BS on March 22, 2011. I'm really excited about getting started, I LOVE learning new things and I am eager to get started!
Anyway, nothing's been happening on the Israel front. Yeah, I said his REAL name. I figured since I left it in the letters, that I would just go ahead and leave it here. He claims that people know so no one should be really shocked or appalled about knowing that he has a daughter that he doesn't even see or know. Hell, it's not like he's never done it before. His other daughter gets no love from him either, since the only children that mean anything are the "Golden Spawn" that he created with the dude he lives with. Low blow? Probably, but this is the only place that I allow myself such pleasures, since I keep this out of my real life.
Actually, there is something to tell. You're gonna think I'm NUTS, but I was actually considering moving BACK to Columbus. I'd made plans to visit there is April with my sister and figured that the reason that I'd never gone back to get my stuff out of storage is because I was somehow "MEANT" to move back there. Up until yesterday, I was really serious about it too. I have a GREAT job offer with the Dept of Job and Family Services making 17.50 hourly, located a great three bedroom condo in Eastland and had even found a church to attend. All that was left was to really just move. BUT I began to think about some things.
1. My daughter REALLY doesn't ever want to lay eyes on him or anyone he's associated with ever again.
2. Since he and his family rely on welfare, while he sits back and does nothing but wait on the record deal that he will never get, I will probably have the misfortune of running into them at my job.
3. I will probably run into them while shopping, getting gas and/or working out.
4. Since I have no clue where their children go to school, there is a chance that I would have to deal with them in that setting as well.
4. When I go out for singing engagements or concerts or out just to dinner, I'll probably see their whack faces then too!
SO, while I really want to go back, I have to consider my children's peace of mind. Kennedy really has no real desire to go back to Columbus. She is afraid that we will run into Israel and/or his thug of a "wife" somewhere and she doesn't want to deal with them. Karson was fine once I reassured him that Israel and his "family" would not be a part of our existence. He doesn't really remember much outside of nightmares about Israel's "wife", so he doesn't really care. He trusts his mom and believes that I would do all that I can to keep those "people" away from him. Kyndall? Well, she just wants to be where Mommie is. Wherever that may be. PLUS Columbus seems to be becoming a ghost town for singers. A good friend of mine was heard on Facebook lamenting that she hasn't sang in a while. And this girl can REALLY sing! I don't want to get there and have my prospects dried up because of Israel's lies, because we ALL know that he can lie REALLY well! People already think that I DRUGGED HIM! I should take him to court for defamation and slander BUT what would I sue him for. All those raggedy computers? Wait! I could get all of those old videos. Naw... Maybe I could sue him for his car? But I don't need a junker. Musical equipment? Nah, that belongs to his "group". Well, I don't think I'll sue him NOW, I'll wait until he has something to sue FOR. It'd be JUST my luck that someone signs this loser, then I'll take him to court for child support! LOL! I don't think that's a REAL worry for me. While there are many people with no talent who have record deals, when they claim to be able to sing and/or play an instrument, they usually can at LEAST play and not leave their fingers in the same place on the keyboard while transposing the key! LOL! Wow! WEML!!!! (WhatEverMajorLoser!)
Well, I'm done with my mangling of this dude today. I'm eventually going to get around to getting the rest of my MySpace blog over here so you can read EVERYTHING. It should make for interesting reading. Especially since you now know his real name.....
D
Anyway, nothing's been happening on the Israel front. Yeah, I said his REAL name. I figured since I left it in the letters, that I would just go ahead and leave it here. He claims that people know so no one should be really shocked or appalled about knowing that he has a daughter that he doesn't even see or know. Hell, it's not like he's never done it before. His other daughter gets no love from him either, since the only children that mean anything are the "Golden Spawn" that he created with the dude he lives with. Low blow? Probably, but this is the only place that I allow myself such pleasures, since I keep this out of my real life.
Actually, there is something to tell. You're gonna think I'm NUTS, but I was actually considering moving BACK to Columbus. I'd made plans to visit there is April with my sister and figured that the reason that I'd never gone back to get my stuff out of storage is because I was somehow "MEANT" to move back there. Up until yesterday, I was really serious about it too. I have a GREAT job offer with the Dept of Job and Family Services making 17.50 hourly, located a great three bedroom condo in Eastland and had even found a church to attend. All that was left was to really just move. BUT I began to think about some things.
1. My daughter REALLY doesn't ever want to lay eyes on him or anyone he's associated with ever again.
2. Since he and his family rely on welfare, while he sits back and does nothing but wait on the record deal that he will never get, I will probably have the misfortune of running into them at my job.
3. I will probably run into them while shopping, getting gas and/or working out.
4. Since I have no clue where their children go to school, there is a chance that I would have to deal with them in that setting as well.
4. When I go out for singing engagements or concerts or out just to dinner, I'll probably see their whack faces then too!
SO, while I really want to go back, I have to consider my children's peace of mind. Kennedy really has no real desire to go back to Columbus. She is afraid that we will run into Israel and/or his thug of a "wife" somewhere and she doesn't want to deal with them. Karson was fine once I reassured him that Israel and his "family" would not be a part of our existence. He doesn't really remember much outside of nightmares about Israel's "wife", so he doesn't really care. He trusts his mom and believes that I would do all that I can to keep those "people" away from him. Kyndall? Well, she just wants to be where Mommie is. Wherever that may be. PLUS Columbus seems to be becoming a ghost town for singers. A good friend of mine was heard on Facebook lamenting that she hasn't sang in a while. And this girl can REALLY sing! I don't want to get there and have my prospects dried up because of Israel's lies, because we ALL know that he can lie REALLY well! People already think that I DRUGGED HIM! I should take him to court for defamation and slander BUT what would I sue him for. All those raggedy computers? Wait! I could get all of those old videos. Naw... Maybe I could sue him for his car? But I don't need a junker. Musical equipment? Nah, that belongs to his "group". Well, I don't think I'll sue him NOW, I'll wait until he has something to sue FOR. It'd be JUST my luck that someone signs this loser, then I'll take him to court for child support! LOL! I don't think that's a REAL worry for me. While there are many people with no talent who have record deals, when they claim to be able to sing and/or play an instrument, they usually can at LEAST play and not leave their fingers in the same place on the keyboard while transposing the key! LOL! Wow! WEML!!!! (WhatEverMajorLoser!)
Well, I'm done with my mangling of this dude today. I'm eventually going to get around to getting the rest of my MySpace blog over here so you can read EVERYTHING. It should make for interesting reading. Especially since you now know his real name.....
D
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A Letter for my "Father". or Ode to a Sperm Donor....
Dad,
I just read your message about the "last name". Are you really going to trip about this? I think out of all the issues that we have, this is the smallest thing for you to worry about. I have spent many years hating the last name "Fain" and about a year ago I decided to change it to my mom's last name. I don't understand why this is such a surprise to you. While you have been trying to be a better father, let's not pretend like you always were. My mother raised me all by herself, she has supported me, stood by me and been there for me throughout my entire life. You, on the other hand, made a new family and forgot about us. You called another man's daughter your "eldest" and I was pushed to the side. NOW, that you decide that you are ready to parent, I'm supposed to forget all the hurt that I have suffered due to your neglect. I have cousins who think that my mom is some horrible person who kept us away from you for no reason. We both know that you were not there, and that when you were, it was usually to hand out some type of discipline. Sometimes you even hit us based on what you were hearing from Aunt Ann or others who didn't know what they were talking about. We weren't bad kids, we just needed a dad and you weren't there.
You hurt my mom so badly that for the past 30 years I have had to sit and watched her be alone because she's afraid to open her heart to anyone else. My brother is in jail because he didn't have anyone to show him how to be a man and the streets claimed him and lastly, you have two grown daughters who have never had a dad so they look for men that will fill that role for them. You have affected every part of my life. I chose men who treated me like you treated my mom. They made babies with me and then left me to raise them alone. So, if you're mad that I don't want your name, imagine how I felt when you didn't want me. Imagine how I felt watching you be a real dad to someone else's kid while I had to live without you.
This is a new year and I have decided not to go through it with past hurts weighing on me. My legal name, right now, is unfortunately still "Fain". It was only "Floyd" on this Facebook page, however I plan to change it legally this year so I can share the same last name as my children and the person who raised me. I have never understood why children have to be named after a man who's sperm was lucky enough to reach an egg because basically that's all you did. You shot some sperm with a good sense of direction, and for that I have to live with the last name of man that I don't even know. I don't think that's fair, I am going to choose who I am.
It can never be said that we haven't tried to form relationships with you. Skye and I asked mom to invite you here for Thanksgiving AND Christmas but we were told that you were going elsewhere. Who is more important than your daughters and grandchildren? When you first got out of jail I offered to pay for you to come and visit. Your excuse? Your probation officer wouldn't let you come. WOW! Your probation officer won't let you visit your daughters and grandchildren THREE hours away, but he will let you LEAVE the state to visit your sister and her lover? When we first moved here, you came to visit, got drunk and called my children "retards" and me, their mother, a "choir whore"! You also called me a bitch that night! You were so proud to tell me that Tiombe didn't like me, as if I really cared since I don't like her either! It seems like everytime I let you back into my life, I end up hurt because you feel entitled to respect that you don't deserve. Respect is EARNED, especially from children that you have not established a relationship with. And believe me, you have NOT established any relationships here. The ONLY reason I let Kennedy deal with you is because when you disappear (and you will), it really won't affect her because she still has me.
SO, be mad over something petty. It's your way. You're not looking at the BIGGER picture, there are many other things that you should be concerned about but go ahead and fret about my "last name". That's the BIG issue! You COULD be worried about whether or not you'll ever see your grandchildren, whether or not I'll EVER speak to you again, if you'll have a relationship with your only son, or if you middle daughter will EVER deal with you again but you choose to be worried about...... My last name.. Really?
Dani
P.S. Do me a favor and stop worrying my mom about this. She knows of my decision and supports me 100%. I don't care if you're mad at me. Either you'll get over it or you won't. There's really no way that I could possibly care less.
I just read your message about the "last name". Are you really going to trip about this? I think out of all the issues that we have, this is the smallest thing for you to worry about. I have spent many years hating the last name "Fain" and about a year ago I decided to change it to my mom's last name. I don't understand why this is such a surprise to you. While you have been trying to be a better father, let's not pretend like you always were. My mother raised me all by herself, she has supported me, stood by me and been there for me throughout my entire life. You, on the other hand, made a new family and forgot about us. You called another man's daughter your "eldest" and I was pushed to the side. NOW, that you decide that you are ready to parent, I'm supposed to forget all the hurt that I have suffered due to your neglect. I have cousins who think that my mom is some horrible person who kept us away from you for no reason. We both know that you were not there, and that when you were, it was usually to hand out some type of discipline. Sometimes you even hit us based on what you were hearing from Aunt Ann or others who didn't know what they were talking about. We weren't bad kids, we just needed a dad and you weren't there.
You hurt my mom so badly that for the past 30 years I have had to sit and watched her be alone because she's afraid to open her heart to anyone else. My brother is in jail because he didn't have anyone to show him how to be a man and the streets claimed him and lastly, you have two grown daughters who have never had a dad so they look for men that will fill that role for them. You have affected every part of my life. I chose men who treated me like you treated my mom. They made babies with me and then left me to raise them alone. So, if you're mad that I don't want your name, imagine how I felt when you didn't want me. Imagine how I felt watching you be a real dad to someone else's kid while I had to live without you.
This is a new year and I have decided not to go through it with past hurts weighing on me. My legal name, right now, is unfortunately still "Fain". It was only "Floyd" on this Facebook page, however I plan to change it legally this year so I can share the same last name as my children and the person who raised me. I have never understood why children have to be named after a man who's sperm was lucky enough to reach an egg because basically that's all you did. You shot some sperm with a good sense of direction, and for that I have to live with the last name of man that I don't even know. I don't think that's fair, I am going to choose who I am.
It can never be said that we haven't tried to form relationships with you. Skye and I asked mom to invite you here for Thanksgiving AND Christmas but we were told that you were going elsewhere. Who is more important than your daughters and grandchildren? When you first got out of jail I offered to pay for you to come and visit. Your excuse? Your probation officer wouldn't let you come. WOW! Your probation officer won't let you visit your daughters and grandchildren THREE hours away, but he will let you LEAVE the state to visit your sister and her lover? When we first moved here, you came to visit, got drunk and called my children "retards" and me, their mother, a "choir whore"! You also called me a bitch that night! You were so proud to tell me that Tiombe didn't like me, as if I really cared since I don't like her either! It seems like everytime I let you back into my life, I end up hurt because you feel entitled to respect that you don't deserve. Respect is EARNED, especially from children that you have not established a relationship with. And believe me, you have NOT established any relationships here. The ONLY reason I let Kennedy deal with you is because when you disappear (and you will), it really won't affect her because she still has me.
SO, be mad over something petty. It's your way. You're not looking at the BIGGER picture, there are many other things that you should be concerned about but go ahead and fret about my "last name". That's the BIG issue! You COULD be worried about whether or not you'll ever see your grandchildren, whether or not I'll EVER speak to you again, if you'll have a relationship with your only son, or if you middle daughter will EVER deal with you again but you choose to be worried about...... My last name.. Really?
Dani
P.S. Do me a favor and stop worrying my mom about this. She knows of my decision and supports me 100%. I don't care if you're mad at me. Either you'll get over it or you won't. There's really no way that I could possibly care less.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
NeW YeAr, NeW Me!!! Welcome, 2011!!
I just wanted to say Happy New Year! All is well and I am still here, praising God for allowing me to see another new year. I have decided to allow some sleeping dogs lie but worry not, I will still be posting my past experiences here. The difference? I will not allow Isaiah or his "wife" to have power over my life anymore. I have realized that even though I am no longer around them, they STILL have so much influence in my life. As much as I hate to admit it, I have allowed what they've done to shape who I am today. It has shaped who I trust, who I love, how I love and even how I serve the Lord. I have given two powerless, useless individuals, who have no control over their OWN lives to control mine. Isn't that strange? Well, NO MORE!! I have decided that their control stops here!
I have released my hatred for her, and my total disdain for him. I have GRANTED forgiveness, meaning that even though I don't quite FEEL forgiveness, I will forgive because it's what the Lord requires of me AND it's what's best for ME and my children. I am living too well to remain mired down by a man who can't even pay his bills. God has been TOO good to me to allow Isaiah Freeman to have so much influence over my life! He doesn't even deserve to be in my thoughts.
I just want to say that I forgive you. I release you. You are no longer a priority in my thoughts. When I am done with this post, I will never think of you again except when I am writing about you in this blog. The ONLY reason I will even continue to write is because it makes ME feel better and people deserve to know what you are, so they won't fall into the same trap that I did. You know the one? Thinking that you were actually a good person! You are a liar and so is your "wife". I feel badly for her because her perception of God is extremely skewed. There is NO WAY that the Lord would make ANYONE stay in a horrible marriage just to prove that He is God! You continue to lie on Him, making Him your reason for staying in a marriage with a man who has somehow convinced you that you NEED him and are a loser without him. BUT when are you going to realize that you are an even bigger loser WITH him! LOL! The two of you are fortunate that I am not using your real names, even though you don't deserve any privacy. One day I will tell who you are, but not until I feel led to.
SO, Happy New Year! This will be the greatest year EVER!!!
Dani
I have released my hatred for her, and my total disdain for him. I have GRANTED forgiveness, meaning that even though I don't quite FEEL forgiveness, I will forgive because it's what the Lord requires of me AND it's what's best for ME and my children. I am living too well to remain mired down by a man who can't even pay his bills. God has been TOO good to me to allow Isaiah Freeman to have so much influence over my life! He doesn't even deserve to be in my thoughts.
I just want to say that I forgive you. I release you. You are no longer a priority in my thoughts. When I am done with this post, I will never think of you again except when I am writing about you in this blog. The ONLY reason I will even continue to write is because it makes ME feel better and people deserve to know what you are, so they won't fall into the same trap that I did. You know the one? Thinking that you were actually a good person! You are a liar and so is your "wife". I feel badly for her because her perception of God is extremely skewed. There is NO WAY that the Lord would make ANYONE stay in a horrible marriage just to prove that He is God! You continue to lie on Him, making Him your reason for staying in a marriage with a man who has somehow convinced you that you NEED him and are a loser without him. BUT when are you going to realize that you are an even bigger loser WITH him! LOL! The two of you are fortunate that I am not using your real names, even though you don't deserve any privacy. One day I will tell who you are, but not until I feel led to.
SO, Happy New Year! This will be the greatest year EVER!!!
Dani
Sunday, December 5, 2010
It's Christmas Time......
Well, Christmas time is here again! The time of year that makes me happy and sad at the same time. Christmas is when I get to watch the looks of joy on my family and friend's faces when they open up a gift from me, but it is also when my best friend, Kimberley Ann Greshem Brewer died, while I was talking to her on the phone. The day AFTER Christmas, as a matter of fact. We were chit-chatting about her visiting because my mom was in town and she really wanted to see us. We wanted to see her and Keyondra as well, but it was not to be. We were laughing about some silliness that happened on Christmas Day, I don't remember now but it was FUNNY! We decided to meet after she gave her mom her breakfast, which she was preparing right then. Then it was she and my mom making their usual crazy commments to each other, so I decided to give mom the phone. Mom and Kimmie talked for a few minutes, with Kim PROMISING that she was almost done. "All I have to do is get Keyondra dressed and we'll be there!" They finished their talk with, "I love you", as they always did and then it was ME back on the phone. "Are you still going to Syracuse this weekend?", she asked me. I told her, "Yeah, and I still need Keyondra's carseat for Karson." She said, "Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me, so I can Keyondra's other careseat from Lee's (her husband) truck." I replied, "OK, so you'll be here in a few?" She didn't answer me, so I started calling her name. "Kim, are you there?" I heard her mom calling her name too, but it didn't occur to me that something might be wrong. (Maybe I was blocking it out?) She still didn't answer and I wasn't really worried since we both had Cricket phones and they ALWAYS drop calls.
I tried to call her back several times that day and no one answered. She didn't come over, so I went to her house and since her car was unlocked, I got the carseat. We'd done this several times, if she didn't have time to bring the carseat by, she would leave her car unlocked for me to get it. I went to the door and knocked but no one answered so I got into mom's car and called her on my cell. She still didn't answer so I left her message, telling her that I had the carseat and that we would call when we got back, that maybe mom could see her then. "Talk you later, Kimmie. Love you, girl, bye.....
It wasn't until I was on my way to Syracuse that I found out what happened. While she was talking to me on the phone, she had a Pulmonary Embolism. In short, a blood clot traveled from one of her legs and became lodged in a main vessel in one of her lungs. Death, I am told, was instant. I hope that's true because if anyone deserved a pain-free, quick death, it was her. With two parents who gave her away, church people who she thought were friends and weren't, an abusive husband who cheated on her constantly and never being able to live for herself because she was so busy trying to take care of an ailing mother, she didn't need to suffer any longer. So, my best friend died on December 26, 2003, which was also her daughter's 3rd birthday, she wasn't even 25 yet.
This is one reason I keep this blog. Kim was more than my best friend, she was someone who would gave told me to fight Isaiah! She would have insisted that I stand up for myself when he and his wife were trashing me about what they felt I SHOULD have been doing. Kim NEVER would have let me do this to myself. I miss her and I wish she were here.....
I love you, Kimberley Ann Gresham Brewer..... Rest In Peace, girl....
I tried to call her back several times that day and no one answered. She didn't come over, so I went to her house and since her car was unlocked, I got the carseat. We'd done this several times, if she didn't have time to bring the carseat by, she would leave her car unlocked for me to get it. I went to the door and knocked but no one answered so I got into mom's car and called her on my cell. She still didn't answer so I left her message, telling her that I had the carseat and that we would call when we got back, that maybe mom could see her then. "Talk you later, Kimmie. Love you, girl, bye.....
It wasn't until I was on my way to Syracuse that I found out what happened. While she was talking to me on the phone, she had a Pulmonary Embolism. In short, a blood clot traveled from one of her legs and became lodged in a main vessel in one of her lungs. Death, I am told, was instant. I hope that's true because if anyone deserved a pain-free, quick death, it was her. With two parents who gave her away, church people who she thought were friends and weren't, an abusive husband who cheated on her constantly and never being able to live for herself because she was so busy trying to take care of an ailing mother, she didn't need to suffer any longer. So, my best friend died on December 26, 2003, which was also her daughter's 3rd birthday, she wasn't even 25 yet.
This is one reason I keep this blog. Kim was more than my best friend, she was someone who would gave told me to fight Isaiah! She would have insisted that I stand up for myself when he and his wife were trashing me about what they felt I SHOULD have been doing. Kim NEVER would have let me do this to myself. I miss her and I wish she were here.....
I love you, Kimberley Ann Gresham Brewer..... Rest In Peace, girl....
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Well....
I find myself a little shaken today. After not hearing a peep from Isaiah for well over two years, I check my e-mail today and there was a letter from him. I thought that if I ever heard from him again, that I would lose it, no matter what he was writing me for. But I couldn't. I have come too far in this to actually make a fool of myself over a man that I don't even love anymore, a man who I know never loved me in the first place. Anyway, here is a copy of the letter he wrote:
First of all let me give you a disclaimer before you even start to read this. I am sending this with all sincerity, no hidden agendas, nobody is coaching me, I'm not being forced, and this is not a last resort effort. I am sending this because I know I need to.
In spite of everything that has been said and done on both of our parts, the true and the untrue, I still care about you and all the kids. I know this can be a strain and I certainly don't want to be anymore of a hindrance that takes your focus off of raising them. I know you will go to hell and back for them. A lot of things have been said and done, and I do know that everything that was said true or not was not necessarily your exact words and some of the details were twisted as being told by others. So just know that goes the same for me. A lot of things that were said from this side of the fence were NOT said or started by me. We were told things by different people concerning your conversations with them either when you were here or after you left. I personally have never got into a conversation about any of this with anyone except Tameka, my pastor, and of course Wendy. And even when Wendy first asked me about you awhile back well before she went off on me, I didn't bash you at all. and you can ask her. The recent uproar of all this is actually from you contacting people and telling them all you have been telling them, and that just starts more trouble, and more people talking.
So listen, this is not as secret on my end as you think and being there and not here you are not getting the full picture. Mostly everyone here either in the group or my inner circle know about this now. And the focus of them knowing is the fact that I fell from grace a few years back, it was my fault, I can't blame anybody else, because no matter what if I was where I was supposed to be in God that wouldn't have happened. And I have been trying to climb my way up from the fall every since. Most of them unless they were in the group at that time don't even know who it was, because I don't even mention your name. The names and details aren't as important as the act. So everyone basically knows and they are still with me, and have forgiven. It is very unfortunate that all this has gone down. And I will take the blame. I should have known better, and I was in leadership so yeah, by right it makes it my fault. That's what God says, to whom much is given much is required, and I failed. I failed you, I failed the ministry, and I failed my marriage. So I have been trying to repair it all since the fall.
Look, you have made it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with me. You have vowed to dedicate your life to being a good mother and raise your children to the best of your ability, and I know you will do that. So I wont bother you after this, I got nothing to say to anyone concerning you, else after this. I am asking for your forgiveness for ALL the wrong I have done or said to you, and like I said, a lot I didn't say or do, but nevertheless I take it all in and ask for your forgiveness.
And yes, I have totally forgiven you for all that has been said, true or not(I'm not sure if you want or need it, but you got it), we have to move on and as long as we hold this we can only go so far.
also your hotmail account is sending out spam emails, FYI
-- Israel
The first thing I did after reading this "letter" is I went immediately to my Hotmail account and changed my password and settings. Then I re-read the "letter" to decided whether or not I wanted to respond. First of all, anyone who knows me knows that I can't just sit back and let someone (even someone I despise) think untruths about me, so OF COURSE I responded. My response was to let him know that even while he thought I was living my life just to make his miserable, that I was paying NO attention to him and his sorry "wife". While I was posting to my blog, I was NOT discussing this with ANYONE IRL! I was venting on my blog while he was seriously lying on me about everything.I also didn't want to disrespect him by not even acknowledging his letter. I wanted him to know that I received it, read it and this is how I feel about the misconceptions that you put in my inbox. Anyway, here's my response to him:
Israel,
As you said yourself, there are many things thaat have been said true and untrue, but there is something that you really need to know. I have NOT contacted anyone concerning this situation. Anything that I told ANYONE was because they contacted ME first. Wendy only knows what she knows, not because of ME but because of you and the lies about me that she said you that YOU told her. I corrected her.Wendy and I spoke about this when my daughter was an INFANT, her knowledge of this not new. After we spoke all those years ago, we lost touch. I think it was mainly because I had gone on with my life and wasn't on MySpace anymore. She left a message for me on MySpace and I happened to check my mail. She told me that she had a new Facebook page and we became friends there, This was about 6-8 weeks ago, she asked me what was new and had you contacted me, I told her no. I told her that I hadn't heard from you since July 2008, which is true. Then I told her that the only thing that I had heard was that you had been at my UHaul storage. THEY called me a few weeks ago and when I asked for a description, it sounded like you so that's who I thought it was. She became angry, I'm assuming because you hadn't even inquired about my baby and wanted to write you. She sent me a copy of the letter and then sent it to you. She wanted to know if I had any issues with her writing and I told her to do what she had to do. NOW, again, whether you believe me or NOT, I have not contacted anyone about you. Why would I do that now? The time to do it would have been when I was mad at you, but I was minding my business. Kyndall is nearly three, what would I gain from bringing this up. You did exactly what I expected you to do. You went away.
Now after the letter, Danielle got involved. If you ask her, she will tell you that Wendy told her what was what. I didn't speak to Danielle until after she already knew. She contacted me on Facebook and I verified what Wendy told her after she told me what was being said about me. After that, she decided to leave your group. I told both of them that since the Lord changed ME, maybe He changed you too and that it was done for me. THEN Danielle told Kristal. Then Kristal contacted me and told me what was being said about me, so I verified what Danielle told her. That was it! I have no interest in making myself look bad and I refused to take the blame in this alone anymore. "Danielle is in sin, she slept with several different men!" "She doesn't know WHO that baby's father is, it could be anyone"! These are the things I was hearing, so obviously I got upset and told the truth. If that makes me wrong, then I am. But MY pastor told me to stop lying about the situation so I did.
And after all this, I was told that you were telling people that I drugged you. (Juanell told Tabitha that!) That I had been chasing you for years and that the main reason I came there was to get pregnant by you. Israel, really? Is that what you really think of me? I drugged you? Wow. Well, anyway, there's nothing I want to say about any of that except that you and I both know none of that is true. You know me better than just about anyone and you KNOW that I don't take being lied on well. For some reason I HAVE to defend myself and that's the only reason I wrote you back. After all the letters I've written you with no reponse from you, I felt that I owed you the respect of validating your letter, the respect that you never gave me when I wrote.
Anyway, you're right. I really don't want anything else to do with you. I have forgiven you and have moved on with my life. It is sad that our friendship had to end this way. Alot of things could have been handled differently. I understand why you wanted to distance yourself, but did you have to do it at my expense? My children continue to suffer because of what I, as their mother allowed to happen to them. To be quite frank, the situation that happened between me and you is secondary. When you sit in an emergency room because your child has tried to kill herself, you gain alot of perspective. Karson is still afraid of going to the bathroom, I don't know what happened yet but I hope whoever terrorized my kids is happy. The sin happened and if you did as I did and asked for forgiveness then God has forgiven you. He has forgiven me too and for that I am grateful. He could have killed us in our sin but He was merciful. He gave me a beautfiul baby girl that I love more than anything. I forgive you and as I wrote you long ago asking for your forgiveness, I hope that you have forgiven me too. However, I am not going to say "IF I did anything", I obviously did for you to say some of the things that you said, SO I ask for your forgiveness as well.
I will do as you asked me and Kyndall will never know who you are. She will never intrude on your life. All I ask is that you send me what belongs to me, for you to replace my laptop and I will close this portion of my life. For some reason, I can't let that go. My therapist says that it's a symbol of what you took from me. You'll be glad to know that I am over you. I guess this is what it took, although I really can't blame just you. It was MY fault too. I could have said no, I could have stayed in Niagara Falls because no matter how much we both lie and say we had no idea that we would end up sleeping together, we BOTH know it was inevitable. BUT I have no regrets because to regret this would be regrettng my daughter and I will NEVER regret having her. Thank you for your part in her, that's the part of you that I will always love. Thanks for the letter, I appreciate you candor and your apology.
Danielle
Now I think I handled that like an adult. However, he STILL blames ME for how this all got out. It's not MY fault people know, it's HIS! I had to defend myself and I refuse to let anyone badmouth me about this situation again.
First of all let me give you a disclaimer before you even start to read this. I am sending this with all sincerity, no hidden agendas, nobody is coaching me, I'm not being forced, and this is not a last resort effort. I am sending this because I know I need to.
In spite of everything that has been said and done on both of our parts, the true and the untrue, I still care about you and all the kids. I know this can be a strain and I certainly don't want to be anymore of a hindrance that takes your focus off of raising them. I know you will go to hell and back for them. A lot of things have been said and done, and I do know that everything that was said true or not was not necessarily your exact words and some of the details were twisted as being told by others. So just know that goes the same for me. A lot of things that were said from this side of the fence were NOT said or started by me. We were told things by different people concerning your conversations with them either when you were here or after you left. I personally have never got into a conversation about any of this with anyone except Tameka, my pastor, and of course Wendy. And even when Wendy first asked me about you awhile back well before she went off on me, I didn't bash you at all. and you can ask her. The recent uproar of all this is actually from you contacting people and telling them all you have been telling them, and that just starts more trouble, and more people talking.
So listen, this is not as secret on my end as you think and being there and not here you are not getting the full picture. Mostly everyone here either in the group or my inner circle know about this now. And the focus of them knowing is the fact that I fell from grace a few years back, it was my fault, I can't blame anybody else, because no matter what if I was where I was supposed to be in God that wouldn't have happened. And I have been trying to climb my way up from the fall every since. Most of them unless they were in the group at that time don't even know who it was, because I don't even mention your name. The names and details aren't as important as the act. So everyone basically knows and they are still with me, and have forgiven. It is very unfortunate that all this has gone down. And I will take the blame. I should have known better, and I was in leadership so yeah, by right it makes it my fault. That's what God says, to whom much is given much is required, and I failed. I failed you, I failed the ministry, and I failed my marriage. So I have been trying to repair it all since the fall.
Look, you have made it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with me. You have vowed to dedicate your life to being a good mother and raise your children to the best of your ability, and I know you will do that. So I wont bother you after this, I got nothing to say to anyone concerning you, else after this. I am asking for your forgiveness for ALL the wrong I have done or said to you, and like I said, a lot I didn't say or do, but nevertheless I take it all in and ask for your forgiveness.
And yes, I have totally forgiven you for all that has been said, true or not(I'm not sure if you want or need it, but you got it), we have to move on and as long as we hold this we can only go so far.
also your hotmail account is sending out spam emails, FYI
-- Israel
The first thing I did after reading this "letter" is I went immediately to my Hotmail account and changed my password and settings. Then I re-read the "letter" to decided whether or not I wanted to respond. First of all, anyone who knows me knows that I can't just sit back and let someone (even someone I despise) think untruths about me, so OF COURSE I responded. My response was to let him know that even while he thought I was living my life just to make his miserable, that I was paying NO attention to him and his sorry "wife". While I was posting to my blog, I was NOT discussing this with ANYONE IRL! I was venting on my blog while he was seriously lying on me about everything.I also didn't want to disrespect him by not even acknowledging his letter. I wanted him to know that I received it, read it and this is how I feel about the misconceptions that you put in my inbox. Anyway, here's my response to him:
Israel,
As you said yourself, there are many things thaat have been said true and untrue, but there is something that you really need to know. I have NOT contacted anyone concerning this situation. Anything that I told ANYONE was because they contacted ME first. Wendy only knows what she knows, not because of ME but because of you and the lies about me that she said you that YOU told her. I corrected her.Wendy and I spoke about this when my daughter was an INFANT, her knowledge of this not new. After we spoke all those years ago, we lost touch. I think it was mainly because I had gone on with my life and wasn't on MySpace anymore. She left a message for me on MySpace and I happened to check my mail. She told me that she had a new Facebook page and we became friends there, This was about 6-8 weeks ago, she asked me what was new and had you contacted me, I told her no. I told her that I hadn't heard from you since July 2008, which is true. Then I told her that the only thing that I had heard was that you had been at my UHaul storage. THEY called me a few weeks ago and when I asked for a description, it sounded like you so that's who I thought it was. She became angry, I'm assuming because you hadn't even inquired about my baby and wanted to write you. She sent me a copy of the letter and then sent it to you. She wanted to know if I had any issues with her writing and I told her to do what she had to do. NOW, again, whether you believe me or NOT, I have not contacted anyone about you. Why would I do that now? The time to do it would have been when I was mad at you, but I was minding my business. Kyndall is nearly three, what would I gain from bringing this up. You did exactly what I expected you to do. You went away.
Now after the letter, Danielle got involved. If you ask her, she will tell you that Wendy told her what was what. I didn't speak to Danielle until after she already knew. She contacted me on Facebook and I verified what Wendy told her after she told me what was being said about me. After that, she decided to leave your group. I told both of them that since the Lord changed ME, maybe He changed you too and that it was done for me. THEN Danielle told Kristal. Then Kristal contacted me and told me what was being said about me, so I verified what Danielle told her. That was it! I have no interest in making myself look bad and I refused to take the blame in this alone anymore. "Danielle is in sin, she slept with several different men!" "She doesn't know WHO that baby's father is, it could be anyone"! These are the things I was hearing, so obviously I got upset and told the truth. If that makes me wrong, then I am. But MY pastor told me to stop lying about the situation so I did.
And after all this, I was told that you were telling people that I drugged you. (Juanell told Tabitha that!) That I had been chasing you for years and that the main reason I came there was to get pregnant by you. Israel, really? Is that what you really think of me? I drugged you? Wow. Well, anyway, there's nothing I want to say about any of that except that you and I both know none of that is true. You know me better than just about anyone and you KNOW that I don't take being lied on well. For some reason I HAVE to defend myself and that's the only reason I wrote you back. After all the letters I've written you with no reponse from you, I felt that I owed you the respect of validating your letter, the respect that you never gave me when I wrote.
Anyway, you're right. I really don't want anything else to do with you. I have forgiven you and have moved on with my life. It is sad that our friendship had to end this way. Alot of things could have been handled differently. I understand why you wanted to distance yourself, but did you have to do it at my expense? My children continue to suffer because of what I, as their mother allowed to happen to them. To be quite frank, the situation that happened between me and you is secondary. When you sit in an emergency room because your child has tried to kill herself, you gain alot of perspective. Karson is still afraid of going to the bathroom, I don't know what happened yet but I hope whoever terrorized my kids is happy. The sin happened and if you did as I did and asked for forgiveness then God has forgiven you. He has forgiven me too and for that I am grateful. He could have killed us in our sin but He was merciful. He gave me a beautfiul baby girl that I love more than anything. I forgive you and as I wrote you long ago asking for your forgiveness, I hope that you have forgiven me too. However, I am not going to say "IF I did anything", I obviously did for you to say some of the things that you said, SO I ask for your forgiveness as well.
I will do as you asked me and Kyndall will never know who you are. She will never intrude on your life. All I ask is that you send me what belongs to me, for you to replace my laptop and I will close this portion of my life. For some reason, I can't let that go. My therapist says that it's a symbol of what you took from me. You'll be glad to know that I am over you. I guess this is what it took, although I really can't blame just you. It was MY fault too. I could have said no, I could have stayed in Niagara Falls because no matter how much we both lie and say we had no idea that we would end up sleeping together, we BOTH know it was inevitable. BUT I have no regrets because to regret this would be regrettng my daughter and I will NEVER regret having her. Thank you for your part in her, that's the part of you that I will always love. Thanks for the letter, I appreciate you candor and your apology.
Danielle
Now I think I handled that like an adult. However, he STILL blames ME for how this all got out. It's not MY fault people know, it's HIS! I had to defend myself and I refuse to let anyone badmouth me about this situation again.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
More MySpace Blog....
OK.... STILL trying to get it all over here so I can delete my MySpace page....
Sep 10, 2008
Current mood: energetic
HEY ALL!!
You know what? I am really digging my life right now! I'm living a life that I never in a million years thought I'd be living! I can go to the bank and withdraw money without even THINKING about it! Today I withdrew $1.000.00 dollars and took my 8 month old shopping for absolutely NO REASON! (Oh, somebody remind me to go get some onesies and socks, I totally forgot!) God has been SO good to me, He could have let me die in my sin, but He was merciful to me and my children!
I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who can sing, JUST LIKE HER MOM! She's a big girl who is doing wonderfully in 5th grade! As a matter of fact, she has become so much more well behaved since we returned from Hell. She's a little lady who's always trying to help me take care of her brother and sister! It looks like the therapy is really helping her AND Karson. They've changed so much since we've been back. And guess what? I don't have to beat them to death! I KNEW it could be done! I KNEW that I didn't have to shame and ridicule them to get them to mind me.
I have a 6 year old son who is my little man. In fact, he's the ONLY man who has never lied to me or hurt me. It's a shame when a 6 year old is more of a man than a 36 year old. That's the best thing, children tell the truth no matter what! Whether you love it or hate it, they always say what's what! He's doing really well in his drum lessons and he LOVES his karate lessons. You can't lock children in the house and expect them to thrive!
And last but CERTAINLY not least, I have a beautiful 8 month old. She's my sweet little heart! I love Kyndall so much sometimes I can't bear it but it has in no way underscored the love I feel for my other babies! These children have bought me through some horrible days and nights! Man, if it weren't for them and the Lord I don't know where I'd be right now!
It feels good to be doing what I want to do, to be going to church where I want to go, to be singing in a ministry that actually has a chance to go somewhere because God really ordained it. Where the leader is a true man of God and not always "booty" hunting. A man who KNOWS how to minister to God's people and not sound awkward and has no Word in him to share with people! It's ONE thing to sound O.K. and have annointing but a totally different thing when you're singing and the only people who feel anything are the people in your group!
It's good to spend MY money the way I want and to not have to worry about someone checking my bank account to see how much he can "borrow" from me KNOWING that I am trying to raise children on my own OR calling my choices dumb just because I'M not used to being without money! I'm used to having money and spending it ANYWAY I CHOOSE! God has always been good to me. And I have NEVER gone without ANYTHING that I needed! He has always made certain that I and my children have never gone without anything!
So anyway, Kyndall and I went shopping today.... AGAIN! We went to The Children's Place, Old Navy (I was disappointed there!), Baby Gap. Osh Kosh, and then we ran through Gymboree and that was all before 1:00pm! Keep in mind now that the mall doesn't open until 10:00am!! LOL Yeah we did ALOT of damage in just three hours! Then we had a lunch break. (I had chinese and Kyndall had breastmilk and pears!) THEN we ran out to Babies'R'Us for onesies, socks, and some of the cutest bibs and shoes EVER! We had a BALL running around today! We mde ANOTHER bank run and went over to FootLocker (for Kennedy and Karson!). I HATE SNEAKERS, but my kids like them SO I guess I'll be buying them for a while! I hope that Kyndall is my girlie girl who doesn't like them because Kennedy LOVES them! We stopped in Stride-Rite for Kyndall's FIRST pre-walker shoes!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! She was measured and EVERYTHING! LOL Kyn and I had SO much fun today! She was kinda cranky 'cause she didn't really get to nap with me snapping her in and out of the car base and onto her stroller and back onto her car base! And it didn't help that we kept getting stopped by people saying how beautiful my baby is, well she IS beautiful! What can I say? I'm just happy that she looks like ME and KARSON! A blessing! LOL I just hope we can do that again soon, I had so mch fun being with my daughter! With her smile, and those beautiful eyes and ALL THAT hair! I love my baby so much and I praise the Lord daily for her! Anyway, thank you for reading about my day with my daughter...... Probably bored the crap outta you but I was excited!!! LOL
God Bless,
Dani and Kyndall
10:05 PM
Sep 10, 2008
Current mood: energetic
HEY ALL!!
You know what? I am really digging my life right now! I'm living a life that I never in a million years thought I'd be living! I can go to the bank and withdraw money without even THINKING about it! Today I withdrew $1.000.00 dollars and took my 8 month old shopping for absolutely NO REASON! (Oh, somebody remind me to go get some onesies and socks, I totally forgot!) God has been SO good to me, He could have let me die in my sin, but He was merciful to me and my children!
I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who can sing, JUST LIKE HER MOM! She's a big girl who is doing wonderfully in 5th grade! As a matter of fact, she has become so much more well behaved since we returned from Hell. She's a little lady who's always trying to help me take care of her brother and sister! It looks like the therapy is really helping her AND Karson. They've changed so much since we've been back. And guess what? I don't have to beat them to death! I KNEW it could be done! I KNEW that I didn't have to shame and ridicule them to get them to mind me.
I have a 6 year old son who is my little man. In fact, he's the ONLY man who has never lied to me or hurt me. It's a shame when a 6 year old is more of a man than a 36 year old. That's the best thing, children tell the truth no matter what! Whether you love it or hate it, they always say what's what! He's doing really well in his drum lessons and he LOVES his karate lessons. You can't lock children in the house and expect them to thrive!
And last but CERTAINLY not least, I have a beautiful 8 month old. She's my sweet little heart! I love Kyndall so much sometimes I can't bear it but it has in no way underscored the love I feel for my other babies! These children have bought me through some horrible days and nights! Man, if it weren't for them and the Lord I don't know where I'd be right now!
It feels good to be doing what I want to do, to be going to church where I want to go, to be singing in a ministry that actually has a chance to go somewhere because God really ordained it. Where the leader is a true man of God and not always "booty" hunting. A man who KNOWS how to minister to God's people and not sound awkward and has no Word in him to share with people! It's ONE thing to sound O.K. and have annointing but a totally different thing when you're singing and the only people who feel anything are the people in your group!
It's good to spend MY money the way I want and to not have to worry about someone checking my bank account to see how much he can "borrow" from me KNOWING that I am trying to raise children on my own OR calling my choices dumb just because I'M not used to being without money! I'm used to having money and spending it ANYWAY I CHOOSE! God has always been good to me. And I have NEVER gone without ANYTHING that I needed! He has always made certain that I and my children have never gone without anything!
So anyway, Kyndall and I went shopping today.... AGAIN! We went to The Children's Place, Old Navy (I was disappointed there!), Baby Gap. Osh Kosh, and then we ran through Gymboree and that was all before 1:00pm! Keep in mind now that the mall doesn't open until 10:00am!! LOL Yeah we did ALOT of damage in just three hours! Then we had a lunch break. (I had chinese and Kyndall had breastmilk and pears!) THEN we ran out to Babies'R'Us for onesies, socks, and some of the cutest bibs and shoes EVER! We had a BALL running around today! We mde ANOTHER bank run and went over to FootLocker (for Kennedy and Karson!). I HATE SNEAKERS, but my kids like them SO I guess I'll be buying them for a while! I hope that Kyndall is my girlie girl who doesn't like them because Kennedy LOVES them! We stopped in Stride-Rite for Kyndall's FIRST pre-walker shoes!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! She was measured and EVERYTHING! LOL Kyn and I had SO much fun today! She was kinda cranky 'cause she didn't really get to nap with me snapping her in and out of the car base and onto her stroller and back onto her car base! And it didn't help that we kept getting stopped by people saying how beautiful my baby is, well she IS beautiful! What can I say? I'm just happy that she looks like ME and KARSON! A blessing! LOL I just hope we can do that again soon, I had so mch fun being with my daughter! With her smile, and those beautiful eyes and ALL THAT hair! I love my baby so much and I praise the Lord daily for her! Anyway, thank you for reading about my day with my daughter...... Probably bored the crap outta you but I was excited!!! LOL
God Bless,
Dani and Kyndall
10:05 PM
HaPpY ThAnKsGiViNg!!!
Yes, yes, yes, I know it is TWO DAYS AFTER Thanksgiving but I really didn't have the time to write at all, what with family and food and fun!! I was thinking of what I could possibly be thankful for. After all, I spend alot of time in this blog complaining about how some loser and his loser family messed up my life. I realized that even in that, I have many things to be thankful for....
1. I am thankful for my life, health and strength, but most of all I am grateful to still be mentally stable after my experience there, after all look what you've done to your "wife's" self-esteem.
2. I am thankful for Kyndall because while I get to see her every day, you don't. I heard the first words, you didn't. I saw the first teeth pop through pink baby gums, you didn't. I got to walk the floor with her during her first fever, you didn't. I have been present at EACH and EVERY doctor's appointment, you haven't. I get to listen to her vocabulary grow each day, you don't. I get to watch her sweet face as she sleeps at night, you don't. I get to hear the sweet bell of sound that is her laughter, you don't. I get to shop 'til I drop, buying her beautiful outfits and dressing her like the princess that she is, you can't afford it. I get to love her, you don't. Finally, I have the privilege of even KNOWING her, whereas, you never will. Your loss.
3. I am thankful that Kennedy if well enough to talk about you without sobbing. She can look at pictures of you without vomitting and has not tried to kill herself because of YOU for over a year now. She is doing well in therapy and while she is still on meds, doesn't think about you and what you did to her anymore.
4. I am thankful that Karson went to the bathroom BY HIMSELF for the first time last Friday. His therapist says that he is healing. Eventually, he won't even remember you and every evil thing that you did will never cross his mind again. One day, he'll sleep through the night without dreaming of your "wife" beating him for no reason OR of your horrible son putting him in a toy chest and sitting on it so he can't get out. One day, he'll be as free mentally from you people as he is physically.
5. I am thankful that even though you choose to continue to lie and hide what you did, God has freed me of it. I am thankful for the strength to step forward and claim my part in the sin so that I could be forgiven. I am thankful that God has forgiven me and that He loved me enough to help me get over you. You will never have the effect you had on me again.....
6. I am thankful for my singing ability and how God will show YOU my reward. He will show me being rewarded for being a woman of my word and never dealing with you again. You will watch me win Sunday's Best! You will watch me sign my first record contract and you will see my CD in stores! However, your ministry will continue to decline until there is no one in your group but people who choose to believe your lies.
7. I am thankful for my supportive family and a mother that even though I tried to shut her out of my life, at YOUR urging, stayed with me even through my sin.She prayed for me and loved me even when I was trying to listen to YOU and dog her. Imagine what would have happened if I had listened to you. I would have NO ONE!
Thanksgiving is just another day for me because I am thankful for the things on my list year-round. God is good to me daily and each morning brings bew mercies from Him.
D
1. I am thankful for my life, health and strength, but most of all I am grateful to still be mentally stable after my experience there, after all look what you've done to your "wife's" self-esteem.
2. I am thankful for Kyndall because while I get to see her every day, you don't. I heard the first words, you didn't. I saw the first teeth pop through pink baby gums, you didn't. I got to walk the floor with her during her first fever, you didn't. I have been present at EACH and EVERY doctor's appointment, you haven't. I get to listen to her vocabulary grow each day, you don't. I get to watch her sweet face as she sleeps at night, you don't. I get to hear the sweet bell of sound that is her laughter, you don't. I get to shop 'til I drop, buying her beautiful outfits and dressing her like the princess that she is, you can't afford it. I get to love her, you don't. Finally, I have the privilege of even KNOWING her, whereas, you never will. Your loss.
3. I am thankful that Kennedy if well enough to talk about you without sobbing. She can look at pictures of you without vomitting and has not tried to kill herself because of YOU for over a year now. She is doing well in therapy and while she is still on meds, doesn't think about you and what you did to her anymore.
4. I am thankful that Karson went to the bathroom BY HIMSELF for the first time last Friday. His therapist says that he is healing. Eventually, he won't even remember you and every evil thing that you did will never cross his mind again. One day, he'll sleep through the night without dreaming of your "wife" beating him for no reason OR of your horrible son putting him in a toy chest and sitting on it so he can't get out. One day, he'll be as free mentally from you people as he is physically.
5. I am thankful that even though you choose to continue to lie and hide what you did, God has freed me of it. I am thankful for the strength to step forward and claim my part in the sin so that I could be forgiven. I am thankful that God has forgiven me and that He loved me enough to help me get over you. You will never have the effect you had on me again.....
6. I am thankful for my singing ability and how God will show YOU my reward. He will show me being rewarded for being a woman of my word and never dealing with you again. You will watch me win Sunday's Best! You will watch me sign my first record contract and you will see my CD in stores! However, your ministry will continue to decline until there is no one in your group but people who choose to believe your lies.
7. I am thankful for my supportive family and a mother that even though I tried to shut her out of my life, at YOUR urging, stayed with me even through my sin.She prayed for me and loved me even when I was trying to listen to YOU and dog her. Imagine what would have happened if I had listened to you. I would have NO ONE!
Thanksgiving is just another day for me because I am thankful for the things on my list year-round. God is good to me daily and each morning brings bew mercies from Him.
D
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Still more from MySpace....
Aug 10, 2008
Current mood: contemplative
It’s all done now.....
Well, for ME anyway.... I was kinda concerned about him, but I thought about all of the things that I had to do on my own and I figure he'll be just fine! And if not, it's really not my affair anymore. She called and tried to go off on me and I must admit I thought it would be MUCH worst. All she really did was try to put some guilt trip on me about all that she had SUPPOSEDLY done for me, when in reality I have done WAY more for her than she has EVER done for me. ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY!
I spoke to my pastor to update him on the siutation today, he told me to be encouraged, that my part in the whole mess is over. It's not my fault that she's just NOW finding out. I asked if maybe I should have tried harder to tell her, he told me NO, that it was NOT MY PLACE to ever tell her. After all, I'm not the one in a relationship with her. I KNEW I was right about that! I'm not gonna bash her, she DOES have a right to be upset, I just hope that she's smart enough to place blame where it belongs and NOT ALL ON ME! Anyway, my pastor told me not to contact them again and that if I REALLY wanted my laptop back that we could just take it to court. But I really don't want to waste another SECOND of my life or another DIME of my money on those people! Hopefully he'll just send me my stuff and we'll be done. But we'll see......
One thing that bothered me though, she said that I came there to get a baby from him! LOL AS IF..... Now, why on EARTH would I purposely get pregnant for someone who had his head so far up her behind that he can't see daylight? Someone who is SO henpecked that he wouldn't even stand up for his OWN sin and claim his OWN child? As much as I love my baby, and was willing to give up ANYTHING for her, even up to my own LIFE. He couldn't even give her an identity. Well, she has one now and God is to be glorified!
I'm done.....
'Night Blog.....
10:45 PM
This one is self-explanatory as well.... The next goes a bit more in-depth.
Sep 4, 2008
Current mood: accomplished
Excerpt from my book...... Let me know what you think!
O.K. So here it is about a month after it all hit the fan and I'm kinda burnin' about a few things! That phone call rings in my head, especially all of the things that she said that she was TOTALLY wrong about;
1. She said that I came there specifically to have a baby for him.
That HAD to be something that he told her to try to absolve himself of any responsibility! Answer this question for me; Why on earth would I PURPOSELY get pregnant for a man who can not take care of the many children that he already has. Someone who is ALWAYS broke and usually had to borrow money FROM ME!!
2. She referred to my baby several times as "that baby" or it!
First of all, that pissed me off more than anything because my baby is a person with a name and a personality. I guess it makes her feel better to dehumanize my baby than to realize that she is a person, a person HER "husband" helped to create! I have never been evil or ugly about any of her kids even though I could have MANY times! But I realized that they are innocents and have NEVER done anything to me,which is what SHE should consider instead of hating my baby because her "husband" can't keep his hands to himself.
3. She said that she "took care" of me?
WHEN? When was I taken care of? The only thing that got "taken care" of was my WALLET when I was around them! I helped with your bills, your grocery, I even paid your phone bill for three months because your "husband" was broke and couldn't afford to keep your phones on! Oh and let's not forget about the money to get the keyboard out of the pawn shop, that money was a LOAN. Guess what? I might as well should have kissed that money before I gave it to him because I never saw it again!
4. She said she never did anything to me.
Oh really? Well, let's talk about the lectures about my children while yours were flunking out of school and getting suspended! How about showing me how to keep my house clean while YOURS looked like a hell-hole. How the only time you ever even TRIED to clean was when you were going to have rehearsal. Going off on me about MY kids and yours weren't under complete control! I can say I never found any dead mice in my bedroom. Talking to me about my finances while your lights and gas were getting cut off! Oh, and how about catching up that 4-5 months of back rent before you tell ANYONE how to handle money?
5.I seduced him?
LOL That was the biggest laugh of all! I can't believe she even went there with me! I guess ALL the women he ever cheated on you with, INCLUDING YOUR VERY OWN COUSIN seduced him. He's so innocent and irresistable to any and all women! Just to let you know, dear heart; Remember that woman you took such relish in telling me that you got rid of, you know the one who was sending him all the dirty e-mails and phone calls. Well, there was a reason; HE SLEPT WITH HER! He told YOU nothing ever happend and you believed him! He met her at a hotel and screwed her! At least that's what he told ME! Who knows though. He might have been lying to me too, that's about the only thing he did well.....
I'm done with that part but now it's time to blow open some of the lies that he told you on me;
1. Remember the time when he told you that I went onto your family's network and took those sensual pictures of him? Well that's NOT TRUE! He actually GAVE me those pictures on a CD. (Which I still have!) He told me that you could NEVER know that I had those pics but what he didn't count on was your nosy self going into MY computer files and finding them!
2. Remember when he told you that he was going to the barber shop at 6:00am so he could get in before anyone else? Not true, love. He was actually at MY house, he would go get his haircut AFTER he spent an hour or two in my bed. This happened SEVERAL times!
3. Remember when he was working for **** and told you that he was going right home after work? He actually came RIGHT to MY house... Ask Cieyana. He woke her up coming in...
4. Remember when he told you that he never came to my house while you were in ******** taking care of your cousin? He lied..... He was at my house whenever he disappeared for any amount of time.
5. He told you that the reason we were so late showing up at that ******* ***'s outing when we took them to Magic Mountain is because I wasn't ready when he came for me? Another lie. That was the day we conceived my baby.
So as you can see. He lied and lied and lied. Over and over again. AND I can't imagine what he told you I did to make you stay with him! Oh, and one more thing;
6. Remember when I came up to help you all sing at ********** and he told you that we hadn't seen each other in years? Lie. He had seen me that week you were at the **** and he left early to stop in Niagara Falls to see me. Oh yeah, and he spent the night with me.
So while he was telling me that he loved you but was in love with me, he was telling you that he loved me but was in love with you! I really hope you hear me. But knowing you with your track record, you'll dismiss all of this because of ONE lie that he comes up with.
Now I have some questions;
1. Is your self-esteem REALLY so low that you will continue to live with a man that has lied to and cheated on you for the last 15 years?
2. Do you really believe that the Lord loves you so little that He would make you stay in a marriage with a man who does not respect you OR marriage?
3. Are you afraid that you can't raise 4 children alone? You might as well be doing that now, you take care of everything anyway, he does nothing.
4. Do you really believe that God ordained your marriage? Or do you know that the only reason he married you is because you told him that you were pregnant and would NOT under any circumstances have another baby without having a husband? He married you for the SAME reason that he married the first psycho, to save his baby's life. Only with you it wasn't that noble, he also wanted to keep you from pressing charges after he raped you.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you're sleeping and someone needs to wake you up.
So that was a part of the first chapter, let me know what you think!
5:34 PM
Current mood: contemplative
It’s all done now.....
Well, for ME anyway.... I was kinda concerned about him, but I thought about all of the things that I had to do on my own and I figure he'll be just fine! And if not, it's really not my affair anymore. She called and tried to go off on me and I must admit I thought it would be MUCH worst. All she really did was try to put some guilt trip on me about all that she had SUPPOSEDLY done for me, when in reality I have done WAY more for her than she has EVER done for me. ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY!
I spoke to my pastor to update him on the siutation today, he told me to be encouraged, that my part in the whole mess is over. It's not my fault that she's just NOW finding out. I asked if maybe I should have tried harder to tell her, he told me NO, that it was NOT MY PLACE to ever tell her. After all, I'm not the one in a relationship with her. I KNEW I was right about that! I'm not gonna bash her, she DOES have a right to be upset, I just hope that she's smart enough to place blame where it belongs and NOT ALL ON ME! Anyway, my pastor told me not to contact them again and that if I REALLY wanted my laptop back that we could just take it to court. But I really don't want to waste another SECOND of my life or another DIME of my money on those people! Hopefully he'll just send me my stuff and we'll be done. But we'll see......
One thing that bothered me though, she said that I came there to get a baby from him! LOL AS IF..... Now, why on EARTH would I purposely get pregnant for someone who had his head so far up her behind that he can't see daylight? Someone who is SO henpecked that he wouldn't even stand up for his OWN sin and claim his OWN child? As much as I love my baby, and was willing to give up ANYTHING for her, even up to my own LIFE. He couldn't even give her an identity. Well, she has one now and God is to be glorified!
I'm done.....
'Night Blog.....
10:45 PM
This one is self-explanatory as well.... The next goes a bit more in-depth.
Sep 4, 2008
Current mood: accomplished
Excerpt from my book...... Let me know what you think!
O.K. So here it is about a month after it all hit the fan and I'm kinda burnin' about a few things! That phone call rings in my head, especially all of the things that she said that she was TOTALLY wrong about;
1. She said that I came there specifically to have a baby for him.
That HAD to be something that he told her to try to absolve himself of any responsibility! Answer this question for me; Why on earth would I PURPOSELY get pregnant for a man who can not take care of the many children that he already has. Someone who is ALWAYS broke and usually had to borrow money FROM ME!!
2. She referred to my baby several times as "that baby" or it!
First of all, that pissed me off more than anything because my baby is a person with a name and a personality. I guess it makes her feel better to dehumanize my baby than to realize that she is a person, a person HER "husband" helped to create! I have never been evil or ugly about any of her kids even though I could have MANY times! But I realized that they are innocents and have NEVER done anything to me,which is what SHE should consider instead of hating my baby because her "husband" can't keep his hands to himself.
3. She said that she "took care" of me?
WHEN? When was I taken care of? The only thing that got "taken care" of was my WALLET when I was around them! I helped with your bills, your grocery, I even paid your phone bill for three months because your "husband" was broke and couldn't afford to keep your phones on! Oh and let's not forget about the money to get the keyboard out of the pawn shop, that money was a LOAN. Guess what? I might as well should have kissed that money before I gave it to him because I never saw it again!
4. She said she never did anything to me.
Oh really? Well, let's talk about the lectures about my children while yours were flunking out of school and getting suspended! How about showing me how to keep my house clean while YOURS looked like a hell-hole. How the only time you ever even TRIED to clean was when you were going to have rehearsal. Going off on me about MY kids and yours weren't under complete control! I can say I never found any dead mice in my bedroom. Talking to me about my finances while your lights and gas were getting cut off! Oh, and how about catching up that 4-5 months of back rent before you tell ANYONE how to handle money?
5.I seduced him?
LOL That was the biggest laugh of all! I can't believe she even went there with me! I guess ALL the women he ever cheated on you with, INCLUDING YOUR VERY OWN COUSIN seduced him. He's so innocent and irresistable to any and all women! Just to let you know, dear heart; Remember that woman you took such relish in telling me that you got rid of, you know the one who was sending him all the dirty e-mails and phone calls. Well, there was a reason; HE SLEPT WITH HER! He told YOU nothing ever happend and you believed him! He met her at a hotel and screwed her! At least that's what he told ME! Who knows though. He might have been lying to me too, that's about the only thing he did well.....
I'm done with that part but now it's time to blow open some of the lies that he told you on me;
1. Remember the time when he told you that I went onto your family's network and took those sensual pictures of him? Well that's NOT TRUE! He actually GAVE me those pictures on a CD. (Which I still have!) He told me that you could NEVER know that I had those pics but what he didn't count on was your nosy self going into MY computer files and finding them!
2. Remember when he told you that he was going to the barber shop at 6:00am so he could get in before anyone else? Not true, love. He was actually at MY house, he would go get his haircut AFTER he spent an hour or two in my bed. This happened SEVERAL times!
3. Remember when he was working for **** and told you that he was going right home after work? He actually came RIGHT to MY house... Ask Cieyana. He woke her up coming in...
4. Remember when he told you that he never came to my house while you were in ******** taking care of your cousin? He lied..... He was at my house whenever he disappeared for any amount of time.
5. He told you that the reason we were so late showing up at that ******* ***'s outing when we took them to Magic Mountain is because I wasn't ready when he came for me? Another lie. That was the day we conceived my baby.
So as you can see. He lied and lied and lied. Over and over again. AND I can't imagine what he told you I did to make you stay with him! Oh, and one more thing;
6. Remember when I came up to help you all sing at ********** and he told you that we hadn't seen each other in years? Lie. He had seen me that week you were at the **** and he left early to stop in Niagara Falls to see me. Oh yeah, and he spent the night with me.
So while he was telling me that he loved you but was in love with me, he was telling you that he loved me but was in love with you! I really hope you hear me. But knowing you with your track record, you'll dismiss all of this because of ONE lie that he comes up with.
Now I have some questions;
1. Is your self-esteem REALLY so low that you will continue to live with a man that has lied to and cheated on you for the last 15 years?
2. Do you really believe that the Lord loves you so little that He would make you stay in a marriage with a man who does not respect you OR marriage?
3. Are you afraid that you can't raise 4 children alone? You might as well be doing that now, you take care of everything anyway, he does nothing.
4. Do you really believe that God ordained your marriage? Or do you know that the only reason he married you is because you told him that you were pregnant and would NOT under any circumstances have another baby without having a husband? He married you for the SAME reason that he married the first psycho, to save his baby's life. Only with you it wasn't that noble, he also wanted to keep you from pressing charges after he raped you.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you're sleeping and someone needs to wake you up.
So that was a part of the first chapter, let me know what you think!
5:34 PM
OK..... Going BACK to MySpace to transfer......
Mar 10, 2008
Current mood: blessed
Introducing Kyndall....
Well, after weeks of waiting, I am finally introducing my baby girl to MySpace BUT for 24 hours ONLY! There are people that I REALLY don't want to see her! SO, I am only leaving them up for 24 hours. That should give my friends time to see her and then no one can say that I never gave them a chance to see her!
Last week Kyndall had a cold!!! Talk about me freaking out, I mean I sat with her ALL NIGHT LONG!!! Listening to every sneeze, every sniffle, every little cough. Then there were the nights that she didn't want to eat because she couldn't breathe through her little nose...I know....Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.. Poor thing was miserable, BUT Glory Be To God, she's all done with it now! I'm so happy that she's feeling better now. AND nursing up a STORM!!! LOL Yeah, she's back to her usual GREEDY little self! Believe me when I say though, I am NOT complaining. I'd rather have her greedy and well any day!
Kennedy and Karson are doing better too, Karson is getting over his allergies SO he's back to getting into EVERYTHING! Kennedy is loving school and even though she was sick, she didn't wanna stay home from school. When I was her age if I got sick I WANTED to stay home. My mom used to spoil me SO badly when I was home sick! Did anyone else's mom make a bed for you on the couch and feed you soup, crackers, ginger ale and popsicles in between your LONG naps? Does anyone else remember watching The Price Is Right and then your mom's soap operas? My mom was into Guiding Light and The Young And The Restless!!! LOL I didn't feel good those days BUT it was always made me feel better to be with my mom. I used to look forward to being sick sometimes because I knew what it meant, being with mom all day and having all of her attention to myself! Anyway, I'm gonna go now before I start getting misty eyed remembering those days! Later...
Dani
7:39 PM
This post was written while I was still speaking to Isaiah and I didn't really want him or anyone in his family peering at pics of my daughter trying to spot a resemblance.
Jun 13, 2008
Current mood: adored
Hey!!
Do you know how it feels to be FIRST in a man's life? Do you know how it feels to have a man that is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY in love with JUST YOU? Do you know what it's like to not have to hear constant complaints and judgements about YOUR life from people who can't even keep THEIR lives together? How about getting house-cleaning advice from someone who doesn't keep their OWN house clean on the regular? How about having money that YOU earned and are able to spend the way YOU want to spend it without someone else telling you how to spend it when THEY could use a few lessons on how to manage money? Isn't it precious to be able to raise THREE children ALONE and still do better than a household that actually has TWO parents? How about never having to look up and find that the lights, gas and/or water has been shut off?
Sorry about all that, I just had to vent for a few minutes! AND now that I'm done I will not mention any of that anymore! There's no need, just because I have decided to move on and forgive the things that have been done to me. I feel like if the Lord can forgive me, I should be able to forgive the people who wronged me.
Anyway, life is good these days. God has blessed me immensely and I really have no complaints! I am getting ready to MOVE!!! I am going to Atlanta, GA where I think I'll have a better chance of getting my ministry off the ground! I'm ready for the Lord to use me in a mighty way and am preparing myself for whatever He wants me to do!
The kids? Well, they're doing just GREAT! Kennedy, Karson and Kyndall are growing and getting more and more beautiful as the days go by! Kennedy is turning into a little lady who cares more about her appearance and now REFUSES to leave the house without lipgloss!! LOL Yes, the rest of her has to be together too! Her hair, her outfit..... Wait! She's turning out just like ME!!! LOL Now that the baby is here and I'm back to my fly and fashionable self, I don't leave the house looking crazy anymore! Karson is doing WAY better, he's a little man who is in love with his baby sister! I mean, all he wants to do is stare at her or hold her. And if she's crying, he comes and tells me "Mommie, hurry up and get Candle (That's what he calls her!), she needs you!" He wants to help me bathe her and dress her. It's really sweet how close he is to her. I hope that all of them remain close to each other. Kyndall? Well, what can I say about my other little lady? LOL She has changed SO much! I have made some decisions concerning her. I have decided to STOP contacting her "father" about her. If he was really all that concerned about her, he would find a way to help me with her! Now, I don't NEED his help, nor do I want anything from him! I have made sure that Kyndall has had everything that she needs...... Including a father!!! LOL She has all she needs, and I don't think it's fair to keep him apprised of what's happening in her life when he's not apart of it! So, I'm done with that! I'm over him and being abandoned by him and I refuse to allow my daughter to go through being second best to his other kids! SO, she has a man in her life who treats her Kennedy and Karson like they're his own biological children! He wants to MARRY me, and have other children with me! He wants to ADOPT Kennedy, Karson AND Kyndall! And I have decided to allow him to do so! Kennedy and Karson's father has agreed to give up his paternal rights. AND Kyndall? Well since her donor couldn't be bothered to sign her birth certificate, we don't have to worry about that!!!
So, while YOU'RE raising someone else's daughter and can't be bothered with your OWN blood, someone else will be raising Kyndall! Hope it's worth it to you! Have a great life being henpecked and controlled!!
Dani
2:55 PM
This post says it all.....
Current mood: blessed
Introducing Kyndall....
Well, after weeks of waiting, I am finally introducing my baby girl to MySpace BUT for 24 hours ONLY! There are people that I REALLY don't want to see her! SO, I am only leaving them up for 24 hours. That should give my friends time to see her and then no one can say that I never gave them a chance to see her!
Last week Kyndall had a cold!!! Talk about me freaking out, I mean I sat with her ALL NIGHT LONG!!! Listening to every sneeze, every sniffle, every little cough. Then there were the nights that she didn't want to eat because she couldn't breathe through her little nose...I know....Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.. Poor thing was miserable, BUT Glory Be To God, she's all done with it now! I'm so happy that she's feeling better now. AND nursing up a STORM!!! LOL Yeah, she's back to her usual GREEDY little self! Believe me when I say though, I am NOT complaining. I'd rather have her greedy and well any day!
Kennedy and Karson are doing better too, Karson is getting over his allergies SO he's back to getting into EVERYTHING! Kennedy is loving school and even though she was sick, she didn't wanna stay home from school. When I was her age if I got sick I WANTED to stay home. My mom used to spoil me SO badly when I was home sick! Did anyone else's mom make a bed for you on the couch and feed you soup, crackers, ginger ale and popsicles in between your LONG naps? Does anyone else remember watching The Price Is Right and then your mom's soap operas? My mom was into Guiding Light and The Young And The Restless!!! LOL I didn't feel good those days BUT it was always made me feel better to be with my mom. I used to look forward to being sick sometimes because I knew what it meant, being with mom all day and having all of her attention to myself! Anyway, I'm gonna go now before I start getting misty eyed remembering those days! Later...
Dani
7:39 PM
This post was written while I was still speaking to Isaiah and I didn't really want him or anyone in his family peering at pics of my daughter trying to spot a resemblance.
Jun 13, 2008
Current mood: adored
Hey!!
Do you know how it feels to be FIRST in a man's life? Do you know how it feels to have a man that is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY in love with JUST YOU? Do you know what it's like to not have to hear constant complaints and judgements about YOUR life from people who can't even keep THEIR lives together? How about getting house-cleaning advice from someone who doesn't keep their OWN house clean on the regular? How about having money that YOU earned and are able to spend the way YOU want to spend it without someone else telling you how to spend it when THEY could use a few lessons on how to manage money? Isn't it precious to be able to raise THREE children ALONE and still do better than a household that actually has TWO parents? How about never having to look up and find that the lights, gas and/or water has been shut off?
Sorry about all that, I just had to vent for a few minutes! AND now that I'm done I will not mention any of that anymore! There's no need, just because I have decided to move on and forgive the things that have been done to me. I feel like if the Lord can forgive me, I should be able to forgive the people who wronged me.
Anyway, life is good these days. God has blessed me immensely and I really have no complaints! I am getting ready to MOVE!!! I am going to Atlanta, GA where I think I'll have a better chance of getting my ministry off the ground! I'm ready for the Lord to use me in a mighty way and am preparing myself for whatever He wants me to do!
The kids? Well, they're doing just GREAT! Kennedy, Karson and Kyndall are growing and getting more and more beautiful as the days go by! Kennedy is turning into a little lady who cares more about her appearance and now REFUSES to leave the house without lipgloss!! LOL Yes, the rest of her has to be together too! Her hair, her outfit..... Wait! She's turning out just like ME!!! LOL Now that the baby is here and I'm back to my fly and fashionable self, I don't leave the house looking crazy anymore! Karson is doing WAY better, he's a little man who is in love with his baby sister! I mean, all he wants to do is stare at her or hold her. And if she's crying, he comes and tells me "Mommie, hurry up and get Candle (That's what he calls her!), she needs you!" He wants to help me bathe her and dress her. It's really sweet how close he is to her. I hope that all of them remain close to each other. Kyndall? Well, what can I say about my other little lady? LOL She has changed SO much! I have made some decisions concerning her. I have decided to STOP contacting her "father" about her. If he was really all that concerned about her, he would find a way to help me with her! Now, I don't NEED his help, nor do I want anything from him! I have made sure that Kyndall has had everything that she needs...... Including a father!!! LOL She has all she needs, and I don't think it's fair to keep him apprised of what's happening in her life when he's not apart of it! So, I'm done with that! I'm over him and being abandoned by him and I refuse to allow my daughter to go through being second best to his other kids! SO, she has a man in her life who treats her Kennedy and Karson like they're his own biological children! He wants to MARRY me, and have other children with me! He wants to ADOPT Kennedy, Karson AND Kyndall! And I have decided to allow him to do so! Kennedy and Karson's father has agreed to give up his paternal rights. AND Kyndall? Well since her donor couldn't be bothered to sign her birth certificate, we don't have to worry about that!!!
So, while YOU'RE raising someone else's daughter and can't be bothered with your OWN blood, someone else will be raising Kyndall! Hope it's worth it to you! Have a great life being henpecked and controlled!!
Dani
2:55 PM
This post says it all.....
Friday, November 19, 2010
Changed the name....
SO, you've probably noticed that I changed the blog's name. It still IS about my life and the experiences that I've lived through. It's still about what happened to me from October 3, 2006- November 3, 2007. I'll still be talking about how that my life here is still affected by my life there.
The children will only be mentioned when it is absolutely necessary. I do not wish to exploit my kids, if you read this blog it will be because you are interested, for whatever reason, in what I have to say. If you don't LIKE my blog, I don't know what to tell you, other than to visit another page! The internet is a HUGE world and there is really no reason for you to torture yourself by staying on a page and reading a blog that you don't want to read. Anyway, as more becomes revealed, I hope that I don't scare you away. I hope that you can read this blog and see the woman I was and the woman that I became as a result of my experiences..... God Bless, and you pray for me as I pray for you.....
The children will only be mentioned when it is absolutely necessary. I do not wish to exploit my kids, if you read this blog it will be because you are interested, for whatever reason, in what I have to say. If you don't LIKE my blog, I don't know what to tell you, other than to visit another page! The internet is a HUGE world and there is really no reason for you to torture yourself by staying on a page and reading a blog that you don't want to read. Anyway, as more becomes revealed, I hope that I don't scare you away. I hope that you can read this blog and see the woman I was and the woman that I became as a result of my experiences..... God Bless, and you pray for me as I pray for you.....
Thursday, November 18, 2010
You know what?
Greetings.....
I was reading a blog today and I realized that while there are many blogs out there that are for the women that have been cheated on, there aren't very many (if any) for those of us who cheated WITH the man. I know why. It's because there's a stigma of "the other woman". Well, I'd like to break that stigma. All "other women" are not whores, sluts or tramps. Some are simply women, like myself, who were lied to and made to believe that one thing was true when it wasn't. Those of us whose feelings were taken advantage of and then trampled. All of us are not waiting at home in skimpy lingerie, in full make-up, with sweetly frangranced skin, lying in wait for YOUR husband. We are not all out stalking him, and constantly calling him to come over to make love to us. Sure, there are some women who fall into that category, BUT all of us don't. There are some, like me, who are pursued by YOUR man with an intensity that would frighten you if you knew about it. Some of us, like me, are living our own lives when YOUR man stops by and under the guise of friendship comes to MY house, pins me against the refrigerator and kisses ME. I was sleeping on several different occassions when YOUR "husband" snuck into MY house with the key that was supposed to be safely on YOUR key chain, climbed into my bed and was inside of me before I knew it, smiling like he was supposed to be there. With NO CONDOM on, telling me how much better I felt than YOU do.
These are the women that need to be represented. There are women who seek out married men, I am not talking about those women. I am talking about the women that would have NO access to YOUR man if he didn't make himself accessible. I lived in Ohio for a YEAR. I didn't know the area, didn't have a car. AND I can't think of ONE time when I asked him to come to me, and yet he always did. Yet, you blame me. You call me the whore. There is a whore involved, but sweetheart, you're married to him. You choose to be. He came to me after making up lies for you. He told you he was going to get a haircut at 6 in the morning. YOU believed him. Yet, by 6am, he was in my bed, scaring me because I didn't expect him to be there. I can be blamed for not saying no, but who wants to say no to the man they love? Yes I did love him. I actually loved him before YOU did, loved him longer and harder that you can ever imagine. Yet, even as he ran to my bed, he runs away from the responsibility of the daughter that we made together. Even as now his "focus" is you, he used to focus on me in the same way, when he was begging me to let him come inside me. Inside ME, where he KNEW he wasn't supposed to be. I am embarassed that I ever let me touch me in such an intimate way. Ashamed that he's SO embarassed of acts that he was SO proud of that he blames ME for "drugging" him. Finally, I am sad that he's denying the daughter that you couldn't give him, the daughter that he said he wanted more than anything. The one I gave him.
That hurts more than anything......
I was reading a blog today and I realized that while there are many blogs out there that are for the women that have been cheated on, there aren't very many (if any) for those of us who cheated WITH the man. I know why. It's because there's a stigma of "the other woman". Well, I'd like to break that stigma. All "other women" are not whores, sluts or tramps. Some are simply women, like myself, who were lied to and made to believe that one thing was true when it wasn't. Those of us whose feelings were taken advantage of and then trampled. All of us are not waiting at home in skimpy lingerie, in full make-up, with sweetly frangranced skin, lying in wait for YOUR husband. We are not all out stalking him, and constantly calling him to come over to make love to us. Sure, there are some women who fall into that category, BUT all of us don't. There are some, like me, who are pursued by YOUR man with an intensity that would frighten you if you knew about it. Some of us, like me, are living our own lives when YOUR man stops by and under the guise of friendship comes to MY house, pins me against the refrigerator and kisses ME. I was sleeping on several different occassions when YOUR "husband" snuck into MY house with the key that was supposed to be safely on YOUR key chain, climbed into my bed and was inside of me before I knew it, smiling like he was supposed to be there. With NO CONDOM on, telling me how much better I felt than YOU do.
These are the women that need to be represented. There are women who seek out married men, I am not talking about those women. I am talking about the women that would have NO access to YOUR man if he didn't make himself accessible. I lived in Ohio for a YEAR. I didn't know the area, didn't have a car. AND I can't think of ONE time when I asked him to come to me, and yet he always did. Yet, you blame me. You call me the whore. There is a whore involved, but sweetheart, you're married to him. You choose to be. He came to me after making up lies for you. He told you he was going to get a haircut at 6 in the morning. YOU believed him. Yet, by 6am, he was in my bed, scaring me because I didn't expect him to be there. I can be blamed for not saying no, but who wants to say no to the man they love? Yes I did love him. I actually loved him before YOU did, loved him longer and harder that you can ever imagine. Yet, even as he ran to my bed, he runs away from the responsibility of the daughter that we made together. Even as now his "focus" is you, he used to focus on me in the same way, when he was begging me to let him come inside me. Inside ME, where he KNEW he wasn't supposed to be. I am embarassed that I ever let me touch me in such an intimate way. Ashamed that he's SO embarassed of acts that he was SO proud of that he blames ME for "drugging" him. Finally, I am sad that he's denying the daughter that you couldn't give him, the daughter that he said he wanted more than anything. The one I gave him.
That hurts more than anything......
Lately....
Now I am still switching posts from my MySpace blog to this one, however I will take a break today to let you know what's been going on as of late. Now if you've been keeping up, you'll remember that while I have been quite verbal about my situation in my journals and blogs that I have been very quiet about it in my personal life. So, imagine my surprise when I found out that not only was Isaiah denying that he was my baby's father, but he is also denying that he ever willingly slept with me!!!
My good friend, Whit and I started discussing what happened to me in Ohio shortly after I got back to Niagara Falls. She told me that it was being said that I was pregnant and in sin, having had sex with several different men. I had decided within myself never to tell anyone what happened to me, I was content just to be quiet and let the Lord have His way in the situation, however I could NOT sit back and let them lie on me like that. SO, I told her what really happened. I told her everything, I was as transparent as can be and I held nothing back. Now I knew that the more I spoke, the more I was making myself look like a not so very nice girl, BUT I wasn't going to lie FOR him anymore. At that point, I still loved him but I had to heed my Pastor's advice and stop lying about the situation to people. ESPECIALLY people that I consider my friends. This all happened while Kyn was an infant so after not having heard from Whitney for a while, I thought that what I said was too much for her and that she wasn't speaking to me either. It was easy for me to believe that because everyone else had turned their backs on me. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Whitney and I found each other on Facebook and she asked me if things were the same between Isaiah and I. I told her yes, that I had not spoken to him since July of 2008. It was then that he made some "godly quote" on his Facebook page. When Whitney saw that, she got really irritated and wrote him a letter. She wrote it, but wouldn't send it for a few weeks because she wanted to make sure that I was OK with it. I will post some of it after I ask her for permission. Anyway, in the letter she basically tells him what she knows and that it disgusts her that he isn't trying to help me. She also shared my story with another friend of mine, one that I thought I'd lost named Dana. Dana wrote me immediately and apologized for believing the things they told her about me! NOW, all along, for THREE years, I am not saying anything about these people. People knew that my daughter's father was married to someone else BUT I didn't pull his name into anything. I took the WHOLE load alone. But while I was taking the high road, they were LYING on me to people, people who believed them and sadly, people who I thought were my friends.
So when Dana told me what they told her about me, I told her the truth also! I was NOT going to continue to be quiet when they weren't. After I told her, she quit the group! I never thought she'd believe me, much less leave the group. BUT I guess when the Lord touches someone's heart to believe you when you share truth, there's nothing that the lying party can do. Next, I was told that one of his group members was telling people that I drugged him. That the woman he lives with was telling people that she tried to reach out to me to talk (NOT TRUE), and that she asked me for a DNA test (AGAIN, NOT TRUE). She also told Isaiah that when she called me that I cussed her out, called her and Isaiah all types of names and made the situation worst. That was a HUGE lie because I never even got a chance to really talk. She was screaming and when she was done screaming, she hung up on me. It turns out that the years that they lived together have turned her into a great liar as well.
I have consented to confronting them via speaker phone, but he can't and won't face me. He will continue to lie and hide behind the real man of his "family". I had consented to the DNA test that was just bought up, BUT I have changed my mind. I have thought about it and I really don't see the advantage to it. He will never be in her life and he's struggling to take care of the people that he lives with, why should I expect him to take care of MY child, when I am doing a great job ON MY OWN? I am NOT struggling, my lights and gas are ALWAYS on, my cable is never shut off, my fridge is FULL of food and my rent is up to date. I'm positive that he cannot say the same. My children all have clothing, in their sizes, none of which were purchased BY someone else or from the thrift shop! Kyndall has pampers, wipes and everything else she needs. I will not wonder and worry about MY children's Christmas, as they will receive everything that are on their lists! My house is clean, thanks in part to the maid that comes every Thursday to clean what I don't have time to clean while I am working FULL-TIME and going to school for my BS in Health Administration. Kennedy and I work out 5 times a week, while Kyndall and Karson enjoy the other activities at the gym! I am singing again and I have a testimony about how God can love you even after your mess, if only you repent and walk in deliverance. You can't be delivered and STILL lying. Deliverance comes out of truth and I see now that he still doesn't know what that is. It's really sad that a 40 year old woman and a 38 year old man don't know how to live truth. That they continue to lie and hide behind a sin and yet believe that their "ministry" will prosper. I wonder if they know how selfish they're being by allowing people to sleep in that bear trap with them? They have some really talented people in their group who are trying to live right, but are being taught to spread lies about a situation that they know nothing about. Do they realize the danger that they have placed not only their souls in, but also the people who trust him to lead them? That's the part that is the most upsetting. They know the sin, and are walking in it knowingly but those other people know nothing. They are sinning and have no idea but they are still accountable because instead of taking Isaiah at face value, they should pray and ask the Lord for answers....
Oh well, whatcha gonna do? People believe what they want and NEED to believe......
More later... I promise....
My good friend, Whit and I started discussing what happened to me in Ohio shortly after I got back to Niagara Falls. She told me that it was being said that I was pregnant and in sin, having had sex with several different men. I had decided within myself never to tell anyone what happened to me, I was content just to be quiet and let the Lord have His way in the situation, however I could NOT sit back and let them lie on me like that. SO, I told her what really happened. I told her everything, I was as transparent as can be and I held nothing back. Now I knew that the more I spoke, the more I was making myself look like a not so very nice girl, BUT I wasn't going to lie FOR him anymore. At that point, I still loved him but I had to heed my Pastor's advice and stop lying about the situation to people. ESPECIALLY people that I consider my friends. This all happened while Kyn was an infant so after not having heard from Whitney for a while, I thought that what I said was too much for her and that she wasn't speaking to me either. It was easy for me to believe that because everyone else had turned their backs on me. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Whitney and I found each other on Facebook and she asked me if things were the same between Isaiah and I. I told her yes, that I had not spoken to him since July of 2008. It was then that he made some "godly quote" on his Facebook page. When Whitney saw that, she got really irritated and wrote him a letter. She wrote it, but wouldn't send it for a few weeks because she wanted to make sure that I was OK with it. I will post some of it after I ask her for permission. Anyway, in the letter she basically tells him what she knows and that it disgusts her that he isn't trying to help me. She also shared my story with another friend of mine, one that I thought I'd lost named Dana. Dana wrote me immediately and apologized for believing the things they told her about me! NOW, all along, for THREE years, I am not saying anything about these people. People knew that my daughter's father was married to someone else BUT I didn't pull his name into anything. I took the WHOLE load alone. But while I was taking the high road, they were LYING on me to people, people who believed them and sadly, people who I thought were my friends.
So when Dana told me what they told her about me, I told her the truth also! I was NOT going to continue to be quiet when they weren't. After I told her, she quit the group! I never thought she'd believe me, much less leave the group. BUT I guess when the Lord touches someone's heart to believe you when you share truth, there's nothing that the lying party can do. Next, I was told that one of his group members was telling people that I drugged him. That the woman he lives with was telling people that she tried to reach out to me to talk (NOT TRUE), and that she asked me for a DNA test (AGAIN, NOT TRUE). She also told Isaiah that when she called me that I cussed her out, called her and Isaiah all types of names and made the situation worst. That was a HUGE lie because I never even got a chance to really talk. She was screaming and when she was done screaming, she hung up on me. It turns out that the years that they lived together have turned her into a great liar as well.
I have consented to confronting them via speaker phone, but he can't and won't face me. He will continue to lie and hide behind the real man of his "family". I had consented to the DNA test that was just bought up, BUT I have changed my mind. I have thought about it and I really don't see the advantage to it. He will never be in her life and he's struggling to take care of the people that he lives with, why should I expect him to take care of MY child, when I am doing a great job ON MY OWN? I am NOT struggling, my lights and gas are ALWAYS on, my cable is never shut off, my fridge is FULL of food and my rent is up to date. I'm positive that he cannot say the same. My children all have clothing, in their sizes, none of which were purchased BY someone else or from the thrift shop! Kyndall has pampers, wipes and everything else she needs. I will not wonder and worry about MY children's Christmas, as they will receive everything that are on their lists! My house is clean, thanks in part to the maid that comes every Thursday to clean what I don't have time to clean while I am working FULL-TIME and going to school for my BS in Health Administration. Kennedy and I work out 5 times a week, while Kyndall and Karson enjoy the other activities at the gym! I am singing again and I have a testimony about how God can love you even after your mess, if only you repent and walk in deliverance. You can't be delivered and STILL lying. Deliverance comes out of truth and I see now that he still doesn't know what that is. It's really sad that a 40 year old woman and a 38 year old man don't know how to live truth. That they continue to lie and hide behind a sin and yet believe that their "ministry" will prosper. I wonder if they know how selfish they're being by allowing people to sleep in that bear trap with them? They have some really talented people in their group who are trying to live right, but are being taught to spread lies about a situation that they know nothing about. Do they realize the danger that they have placed not only their souls in, but also the people who trust him to lead them? That's the part that is the most upsetting. They know the sin, and are walking in it knowingly but those other people know nothing. They are sinning and have no idea but they are still accountable because instead of taking Isaiah at face value, they should pray and ask the Lord for answers....
Oh well, whatcha gonna do? People believe what they want and NEED to believe......
More later... I promise....
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Just found out....
Friday, March 07, 2008
To retaliate or not to retaliate.....That is the question...
Current mood: betrayed
Category: Life
O.K....
I'm getting the sense now that maybe I should stay put for a few months. You know, save a little more money and let the kids get over their traumatic Ohio experience, they are both in therapy now! (You should hear some of the things that my children are disclosing to their therapists'!) I mean, I don't think I could be much angrier than I am right now. If even HALF of what my children are saying is true, then I was REALLY dumb to trust the people that I trusted there! I fell for so much, I find it amazing that my children aren't like TOTALLY insane. Kennedy is starting to sleep better now and Karson is starting to forget his little trials that he endured (HOPEFULLY!). I feel like I really failed them just to get away from my mom who I thought was trying to control me. It turned out that SHE has been my backbone these past months. I don't know what I would have done without her. And I'm not just talking about how she's helped me financially (Even though she DID that!), I'm talking about the emotional support. When I was pregnant and sick, she took care of me AND my children. she sat up in hospital rooms ALL NIGHT with me. She helped me not to go insane when I had to leave my baby in the hosptial because of her jaundice. She fed my screaming newborn daughter formula when I was hospitalzed with a suspected Pulmonary Embolism and I wasn't allowed to nurse because of the blood thinner. She's sat with me in doctors' offices, therapists' offices, hosptial rooms, waiting rooms and all just to be there, just to be supportive! She has been unbelievable, AND she's the ONLY reason that I'm just praying about these things that my children are saying about Ohio now.
To the people who hurt my children: (You KNOW who you are!)
I thought you loved them, and I thought that you were looking out for them BUT apparently I was wrong! I'm not going to retaliate; I'm going to let God be God in this situation. I could be ghetto (As you are!) and call your house and go off! I could jump the gun (As you always did!) and call the police and be ignorant. BUT I won't do that. There is NO room in my life for revenge. I am just going to continue to let my children get the help that they need and hopefully my little family can move on from here. There HAS to be a reason all of this that has gone on. I may never know until I meet the Lord and I can ask Him. I do know this though, I will NEVER be so trusting again. I will never take the word of someone over what my instincts tell me. My instinct was that certain people cared NOTHING for me or my children BUT I allowed myself to be convinced that I was wrong! I will never do that again. God gave me good sense, He gave me a great mind and intelligence none of which I excercised last year, BUT I promise I will now. Thanks be to God that I'm learning these things NOW instead of years down the road when they're grown and it would have too late to help them. I work in Behavioral Health and I see adults ALL the time who have mental problems and are on several medications because of things that happened to them, they were hurt when they were children. There's NO way I'm going to allow that to happen to my own children.
SO you who know the words of prayer, pray for me and my family and we will do the same for you!!!
In Him,
Dani
To retaliate or not to retaliate.....That is the question...
Current mood: betrayed
Category: Life
O.K....
I'm getting the sense now that maybe I should stay put for a few months. You know, save a little more money and let the kids get over their traumatic Ohio experience, they are both in therapy now! (You should hear some of the things that my children are disclosing to their therapists'!) I mean, I don't think I could be much angrier than I am right now. If even HALF of what my children are saying is true, then I was REALLY dumb to trust the people that I trusted there! I fell for so much, I find it amazing that my children aren't like TOTALLY insane. Kennedy is starting to sleep better now and Karson is starting to forget his little trials that he endured (HOPEFULLY!). I feel like I really failed them just to get away from my mom who I thought was trying to control me. It turned out that SHE has been my backbone these past months. I don't know what I would have done without her. And I'm not just talking about how she's helped me financially (Even though she DID that!), I'm talking about the emotional support. When I was pregnant and sick, she took care of me AND my children. she sat up in hospital rooms ALL NIGHT with me. She helped me not to go insane when I had to leave my baby in the hosptial because of her jaundice. She fed my screaming newborn daughter formula when I was hospitalzed with a suspected Pulmonary Embolism and I wasn't allowed to nurse because of the blood thinner. She's sat with me in doctors' offices, therapists' offices, hosptial rooms, waiting rooms and all just to be there, just to be supportive! She has been unbelievable, AND she's the ONLY reason that I'm just praying about these things that my children are saying about Ohio now.
To the people who hurt my children: (You KNOW who you are!)
I thought you loved them, and I thought that you were looking out for them BUT apparently I was wrong! I'm not going to retaliate; I'm going to let God be God in this situation. I could be ghetto (As you are!) and call your house and go off! I could jump the gun (As you always did!) and call the police and be ignorant. BUT I won't do that. There is NO room in my life for revenge. I am just going to continue to let my children get the help that they need and hopefully my little family can move on from here. There HAS to be a reason all of this that has gone on. I may never know until I meet the Lord and I can ask Him. I do know this though, I will NEVER be so trusting again. I will never take the word of someone over what my instincts tell me. My instinct was that certain people cared NOTHING for me or my children BUT I allowed myself to be convinced that I was wrong! I will never do that again. God gave me good sense, He gave me a great mind and intelligence none of which I excercised last year, BUT I promise I will now. Thanks be to God that I'm learning these things NOW instead of years down the road when they're grown and it would have too late to help them. I work in Behavioral Health and I see adults ALL the time who have mental problems and are on several medications because of things that happened to them, they were hurt when they were children. There's NO way I'm going to allow that to happen to my own children.
SO you who know the words of prayer, pray for me and my family and we will do the same for you!!!
In Him,
Dani
MySpace Blog- February 21, 2008- March 1, 2008
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Ears?!?!
Current mood: embarrassed
Category: Life
O.K....
Ear piercing. Is it really that important that I get her ears pierced or am I just doing because it's expected? I mean, couldn't I wait until she's like..... 20? 25 seems to be a good age at which to put holes in my daughter's ears. (25 YEARS not MONTHS!) Mom is telling me that I should get it done NOW. Because as young as she is, she won't be able to mess with them. She doesn't have enough control to pull at her ears, and since she'll have just had her shots we'll be getting EVERYTHING out of the way! That sounds like a good arguement BUT I wanna wait because I don't want them to just have STABBED her up for immunizations only to take to the mall and have her MUTILATED there! Yes, I know that I'm being melodramatic but I don't want her to hurt TOO much. Anyway, I'm just gonna suck it up and have it done. Just get it over with! The sooner we get it over with, the better! Just pray for me, 'cause I have a feeling it's gonna be more traumatic for ME than it will be for HER!!!! LOL
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Well, I’m praying....
Current mood: determined
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
MY plan is to move to Atlanta this summer, but the question I'm asking myself is this; What is GOD'S plan for me? Does He want me and the children to relocate to Georgia? Will my ministry flourish there? Is my next home church there? Can my children and I be happy there? Is the help my children need to healthy and happy there? Those are the questions I'm asking God since there doesn't seem to be a REAL reason that I'm staying here in Niagara Falls. But since God's ways are not my ways, neither His thoughts mine, He could have a reason for my being back here right now. Hopefully, He'll reveal to me as I seek after Him. As I pray more and get into His word, these are things that I need for Him to reveal to me.
My children are doing well here, and they seem to be really happy now. But will they be happy if we live somewhere else? OK I gotta go feed my daughter, I'll write more about this later!
Dani
O.K. I'm back! It's so funny how opinionated someone so small can be! I mean, when she wants her food, she REALLY wants her food!! LOL She fell out on me and everything! LOL Anyway, there's not much more to say. I'm just praying and waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do. I hope that He answers me soon! I'm ready to start what He has for me to do!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Let me say this....
Current mood: animated
Category: Friends
O.K. I know that I have spent alot of time bashing Ohio, but quite honestly aside from the bad situation that I lived through there, I DID make quite a few great friends there! And all the times that I had there weren't BAD. Let me see; if I say of the 100% of the time that I was there, 55% of my time there wasn't THAT bad and I can say that I was sincerely happy there about 40% of that time! LOL That's not too bad considering the things that I was going through and again. the people I met there made the 45% of HORRIBLE feel bearable!
Anyway, my mother asked me a question today. She asked me if I didn't think that I might wanna move back to Ohio! Isn't that the greatest joke? She really likes Elder and Sister Malone and she thinks that I should take him up on his offer of help to get into an apartment and a job and move on back there. You know what? If Ohio was the LAST state on earth I would NOT go back there! It would really be too much trouble. Kennedy and Karson are settled here and doing well. The church we go to now is a nice place AND the baby's doctor is great! Yes, I know I'm planning to move away from here again, BUT not for a little while maybe 3-6 months or so. I want the baby to be a little older before I travel with her. AND that gives Ken and Kars' therapist to prepare them a little better before we go this time. The last time I moved, I didn't REALLY prepare them at ALL and ended up paying the price once I moved!
Where are we moving? Well, since I'm kinda tired of all this cold weather, I'm praying (YES, seriously praying!) about going down South. I have family in Atlanta so that would be a prime location for me, PLUS there are ALOT of churches down there where I can be used of God! (Not used of people!) AND since Mom is going to Florida, in Georgia I'll be ALOT closer to her. Closer than I would be if moved back to Ohio! Moving away to a new city is scary but it's not as though I've never done it before. I'll have my Chaddy (My buddy) to help me, and then Ja-Jo (My cousin) lives there along with my aunt so it won't be like I don't know anyone there. PLUS I have my cousin, Dana AND my sister is planning to move down there also, so I'll continue to pray about it.
SO, I'm going to go to bed now as I have a small person who will be cooing in my face in a couple of hours and then progressing to SCREAMING if I'm not smiling in her face with my breast out! LOL Babies are funny! Especially Smushyface (Kyndall), she has quite a little personality already. The way she looks at me
sometimes, I feel as though she knows more than she should! She's the most beautiful baby! Can be fussy, ESPECIALLY when she doesn't get her way but beautiful nonetheless! And then there are the two small people who have to get on their busses at 8:04am and 8:30am, so I'll have to be up at 6:00am..... Ahhhhhhhhhh, the joys of single Mommyhood Later, Blog!
Dani
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Doctors’ Appointment
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life
Life is precious! I took Kyndall to the doctors' today since I was concerned about her weight gain. (I am breasfeeding.) And since breasts don't come with ounce measurements on the sides like bottles do, you HAVE to use your baby's weight to determine if she's getting enough milk. Well, let's see; Kyndall weighed 7 lbs and was 20 inches long at birth, when she was discharged from the hospital 6 days later she weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz. (still 20 inches long) and today at 6 weeks of age she weighs (DRUMROLL PLEASE!) 9 POUNDS and 10 OUNCES! AND she is 22 1/2 inches long, SO I guess she is getting enough! LOL I am really starting to enjoy my baby now that the post-partum depression is easing up. It was really hard coming to grips with the fact that her dad will not be around to help raise her, BUT it's not MY loss, it's his. I got her FIRST smile and her first bath and I get to see her every day. What a blessing she is to me. Kennedy and Karson's dad lost even more; I got the first smiles, first steps, hearing them call me Mommie, first teeth. All the firsts that God has blessed me to experience again with Kyndall! SO, I am feeling ALOT better about the situation! I CAN DO THIS BY MYSELF WITH GOD'S HELP!
I thank God for the companionship of the man that He has put into my life. I'm telling you it takes a REAL man to help with children that are not biologically his! And I'm grateful for the man I have. Just think, had I stayed in Ohio, I KNOW that I would STILL be miserable but God freed me from an awful situation and I will always be thankful for the second chance that He has given!
September 23, 2010
These entried were right after Kyndall was born in January. I was going through Postpartum Depression and trying to be cheerful! I can't tell if it was working or not but I certainly tried. I was feeling miserable about my life at that point. It's kinda hard to go back and read some of the posts. I was just finding out alot of things about what this dude did to my kids....
Ears?!?!
Current mood: embarrassed
Category: Life
O.K....
Ear piercing. Is it really that important that I get her ears pierced or am I just doing because it's expected? I mean, couldn't I wait until she's like..... 20? 25 seems to be a good age at which to put holes in my daughter's ears. (25 YEARS not MONTHS!) Mom is telling me that I should get it done NOW. Because as young as she is, she won't be able to mess with them. She doesn't have enough control to pull at her ears, and since she'll have just had her shots we'll be getting EVERYTHING out of the way! That sounds like a good arguement BUT I wanna wait because I don't want them to just have STABBED her up for immunizations only to take to the mall and have her MUTILATED there! Yes, I know that I'm being melodramatic but I don't want her to hurt TOO much. Anyway, I'm just gonna suck it up and have it done. Just get it over with! The sooner we get it over with, the better! Just pray for me, 'cause I have a feeling it's gonna be more traumatic for ME than it will be for HER!!!! LOL
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Well, I’m praying....
Current mood: determined
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
MY plan is to move to Atlanta this summer, but the question I'm asking myself is this; What is GOD'S plan for me? Does He want me and the children to relocate to Georgia? Will my ministry flourish there? Is my next home church there? Can my children and I be happy there? Is the help my children need to healthy and happy there? Those are the questions I'm asking God since there doesn't seem to be a REAL reason that I'm staying here in Niagara Falls. But since God's ways are not my ways, neither His thoughts mine, He could have a reason for my being back here right now. Hopefully, He'll reveal to me as I seek after Him. As I pray more and get into His word, these are things that I need for Him to reveal to me.
My children are doing well here, and they seem to be really happy now. But will they be happy if we live somewhere else? OK I gotta go feed my daughter, I'll write more about this later!
Dani
O.K. I'm back! It's so funny how opinionated someone so small can be! I mean, when she wants her food, she REALLY wants her food!! LOL She fell out on me and everything! LOL Anyway, there's not much more to say. I'm just praying and waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do. I hope that He answers me soon! I'm ready to start what He has for me to do!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Let me say this....
Current mood: animated
Category: Friends
O.K. I know that I have spent alot of time bashing Ohio, but quite honestly aside from the bad situation that I lived through there, I DID make quite a few great friends there! And all the times that I had there weren't BAD. Let me see; if I say of the 100% of the time that I was there, 55% of my time there wasn't THAT bad and I can say that I was sincerely happy there about 40% of that time! LOL That's not too bad considering the things that I was going through and again. the people I met there made the 45% of HORRIBLE feel bearable!
Anyway, my mother asked me a question today. She asked me if I didn't think that I might wanna move back to Ohio! Isn't that the greatest joke? She really likes Elder and Sister Malone and she thinks that I should take him up on his offer of help to get into an apartment and a job and move on back there. You know what? If Ohio was the LAST state on earth I would NOT go back there! It would really be too much trouble. Kennedy and Karson are settled here and doing well. The church we go to now is a nice place AND the baby's doctor is great! Yes, I know I'm planning to move away from here again, BUT not for a little while maybe 3-6 months or so. I want the baby to be a little older before I travel with her. AND that gives Ken and Kars' therapist to prepare them a little better before we go this time. The last time I moved, I didn't REALLY prepare them at ALL and ended up paying the price once I moved!
Where are we moving? Well, since I'm kinda tired of all this cold weather, I'm praying (YES, seriously praying!) about going down South. I have family in Atlanta so that would be a prime location for me, PLUS there are ALOT of churches down there where I can be used of God! (Not used of people!) AND since Mom is going to Florida, in Georgia I'll be ALOT closer to her. Closer than I would be if moved back to Ohio! Moving away to a new city is scary but it's not as though I've never done it before. I'll have my Chaddy (My buddy) to help me, and then Ja-Jo (My cousin) lives there along with my aunt so it won't be like I don't know anyone there. PLUS I have my cousin, Dana AND my sister is planning to move down there also, so I'll continue to pray about it.
SO, I'm going to go to bed now as I have a small person who will be cooing in my face in a couple of hours and then progressing to SCREAMING if I'm not smiling in her face with my breast out! LOL Babies are funny! Especially Smushyface (Kyndall), she has quite a little personality already. The way she looks at me
sometimes, I feel as though she knows more than she should! She's the most beautiful baby! Can be fussy, ESPECIALLY when she doesn't get her way but beautiful nonetheless! And then there are the two small people who have to get on their busses at 8:04am and 8:30am, so I'll have to be up at 6:00am..... Ahhhhhhhhhh, the joys of single Mommyhood Later, Blog!
Dani
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Doctors’ Appointment
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life
Life is precious! I took Kyndall to the doctors' today since I was concerned about her weight gain. (I am breasfeeding.) And since breasts don't come with ounce measurements on the sides like bottles do, you HAVE to use your baby's weight to determine if she's getting enough milk. Well, let's see; Kyndall weighed 7 lbs and was 20 inches long at birth, when she was discharged from the hospital 6 days later she weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz. (still 20 inches long) and today at 6 weeks of age she weighs (DRUMROLL PLEASE!) 9 POUNDS and 10 OUNCES! AND she is 22 1/2 inches long, SO I guess she is getting enough! LOL I am really starting to enjoy my baby now that the post-partum depression is easing up. It was really hard coming to grips with the fact that her dad will not be around to help raise her, BUT it's not MY loss, it's his. I got her FIRST smile and her first bath and I get to see her every day. What a blessing she is to me. Kennedy and Karson's dad lost even more; I got the first smiles, first steps, hearing them call me Mommie, first teeth. All the firsts that God has blessed me to experience again with Kyndall! SO, I am feeling ALOT better about the situation! I CAN DO THIS BY MYSELF WITH GOD'S HELP!
I thank God for the companionship of the man that He has put into my life. I'm telling you it takes a REAL man to help with children that are not biologically his! And I'm grateful for the man I have. Just think, had I stayed in Ohio, I KNOW that I would STILL be miserable but God freed me from an awful situation and I will always be thankful for the second chance that He has given!
September 23, 2010
These entried were right after Kyndall was born in January. I was going through Postpartum Depression and trying to be cheerful! I can't tell if it was working or not but I certainly tried. I was feeling miserable about my life at that point. It's kinda hard to go back and read some of the posts. I was just finding out alot of things about what this dude did to my kids....
The transfers begin....
Today I'm going to start transferring things from my MySpace blog to this blog..... Don't worry everything is dated so you'll be able to find your place...
Friday, February 15, 2008
My new daughter....
Current mood: blessed
Category: Life
You know what's amazing to me? How much MORE I could love this girl NOW than when I did when I was carrying her. She was easier to care for when she was INSIDE, you know? All I had to do was eat the right things and drink alot of water. (WHICH I HATE!) Actually, I'm kinda dealing with the same things since I'm nursing her, BUT it still seemed so much easier. I wasn't CONSTANTLY worried about EVERY little thing like I do now. AND one would think that since I've done this before (TWICE), that I wouldn't be so nervous about everything now!
Karson and Kennedy had jaundice, BUT for some reason I freaked out when they told me Kyndall had it too. Maybe it was because they ended up keeping her in the hospital and I couldn't stay with her all the time. When Karson had it, they admitted him too, BUT I was able to stay overnight with him. With Kyndall I had to come, nurse her and then leave her there overnight. I hated that so much, leaving my baby in that HUGE hospital without me! AND then they made it worst when I couldn't nurse her for two days while they fed her formula! I STILL went to the hospital though, I was there for EVERY feeding. 8:00am, 11:00am, 2:00pm, 5:00pm 8:00pm and 11:00pm. I would have to miss the 2:00am and 5:00am feedings but I was RIGHT there for the 8:00am feedings!
This pregnancy and birth has been one of the most trying of my life, but God has seen me through it all. People who I just KNEW would be there for me during all this have been NO WHERE to be found. But I think that God was teaching me some things. He was showing me that the ONLY one I could depend on is HIM! And I've learned to TOTALLY trust in Him. He will help me to raise these children the way He sees fit. I've asked Him to be TOTALLY present in mine and my children's lives. Never again will I heed half-witted advice from people who really have no clue what they're talking about. All children are NOT the same and just because something works for one child doesn't mean that it'll work for all children. ESPECIALLY MINE!!! God has been good to me....
I'm looking forward to my life now. It's as though the ONLY reason I went to Ohio was to get my baby, and all the hell that I went through while I was there PLUS the hell I went through to get her here it's OVER now! I've paid MY price for MY part in the sin. And for that I'm grateful, because even after everything, it could have been MUCH worst.
The kids' fathers'? Well, I was kinda bummed out about that part of it, but NOT anymore. I am all they need, and regardless of what anybody else says or thinks, I'm doing a good job taking care of three children (two special needs) alone. They have everything that they need and most of the things that they want. They have a roof over their heads, utilities, clothing and food. The baby has EVERYTHING! Things have changed SO much. In Ohio all she had was a CAR SEAT! HERE, well my daughter has a crib (A beautiful canopy crib), a bassinet, a stroller, a boppy bouncer, clothing (she'll probably grow out of many of them before she can ever wear them!), bottles (that she REFUSES to suck!) I don't even have the room to tell of God's goodness to my baby. I had to leave so many of my things behind (NOT counting the things I have in storage!) but God has provided! We have a new church, which is wonderful, it reminds me of the church I was going to in Ohio. Elder Waymon Malone, he has been a HUGE blessing to me since I've been home! He calls to check on me and the children constantly and has told me that if I wanna move back there that he would set us up with somewhere to live AND a job! LOL Too funny, right? BUT I don't EVER wanna see Columbus, Ohio ever again! Anyway, I'm done writing for today. Maybe I'll try to write again soon. (If I have the time!)
Dani
September 23, 2010:
To make it less confusing, any LONG blog entries will be in their OWN post. Smaller ones will grouped together according to date. After I finish posting the MySpace entries, I'll continue my story....
Love to all,
Dani
Friday, February 15, 2008
My new daughter....
Current mood: blessed
Category: Life
You know what's amazing to me? How much MORE I could love this girl NOW than when I did when I was carrying her. She was easier to care for when she was INSIDE, you know? All I had to do was eat the right things and drink alot of water. (WHICH I HATE!) Actually, I'm kinda dealing with the same things since I'm nursing her, BUT it still seemed so much easier. I wasn't CONSTANTLY worried about EVERY little thing like I do now. AND one would think that since I've done this before (TWICE), that I wouldn't be so nervous about everything now!
Karson and Kennedy had jaundice, BUT for some reason I freaked out when they told me Kyndall had it too. Maybe it was because they ended up keeping her in the hospital and I couldn't stay with her all the time. When Karson had it, they admitted him too, BUT I was able to stay overnight with him. With Kyndall I had to come, nurse her and then leave her there overnight. I hated that so much, leaving my baby in that HUGE hospital without me! AND then they made it worst when I couldn't nurse her for two days while they fed her formula! I STILL went to the hospital though, I was there for EVERY feeding. 8:00am, 11:00am, 2:00pm, 5:00pm 8:00pm and 11:00pm. I would have to miss the 2:00am and 5:00am feedings but I was RIGHT there for the 8:00am feedings!
This pregnancy and birth has been one of the most trying of my life, but God has seen me through it all. People who I just KNEW would be there for me during all this have been NO WHERE to be found. But I think that God was teaching me some things. He was showing me that the ONLY one I could depend on is HIM! And I've learned to TOTALLY trust in Him. He will help me to raise these children the way He sees fit. I've asked Him to be TOTALLY present in mine and my children's lives. Never again will I heed half-witted advice from people who really have no clue what they're talking about. All children are NOT the same and just because something works for one child doesn't mean that it'll work for all children. ESPECIALLY MINE!!! God has been good to me....
I'm looking forward to my life now. It's as though the ONLY reason I went to Ohio was to get my baby, and all the hell that I went through while I was there PLUS the hell I went through to get her here it's OVER now! I've paid MY price for MY part in the sin. And for that I'm grateful, because even after everything, it could have been MUCH worst.
The kids' fathers'? Well, I was kinda bummed out about that part of it, but NOT anymore. I am all they need, and regardless of what anybody else says or thinks, I'm doing a good job taking care of three children (two special needs) alone. They have everything that they need and most of the things that they want. They have a roof over their heads, utilities, clothing and food. The baby has EVERYTHING! Things have changed SO much. In Ohio all she had was a CAR SEAT! HERE, well my daughter has a crib (A beautiful canopy crib), a bassinet, a stroller, a boppy bouncer, clothing (she'll probably grow out of many of them before she can ever wear them!), bottles (that she REFUSES to suck!) I don't even have the room to tell of God's goodness to my baby. I had to leave so many of my things behind (NOT counting the things I have in storage!) but God has provided! We have a new church, which is wonderful, it reminds me of the church I was going to in Ohio. Elder Waymon Malone, he has been a HUGE blessing to me since I've been home! He calls to check on me and the children constantly and has told me that if I wanna move back there that he would set us up with somewhere to live AND a job! LOL Too funny, right? BUT I don't EVER wanna see Columbus, Ohio ever again! Anyway, I'm done writing for today. Maybe I'll try to write again soon. (If I have the time!)
Dani
September 23, 2010:
To make it less confusing, any LONG blog entries will be in their OWN post. Smaller ones will grouped together according to date. After I finish posting the MySpace entries, I'll continue my story....
Love to all,
Dani
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
OT! Bishop Eddie Long...
Well, I thought that I wrote this blog to speak on what happened to ME while I was living in Ohio, but it turns out that there are other subjects that I want to speak on, so I shall. If you do NOT agree with what I am saying: PLEASE go elsewhere! The internet is HUGE and there are many web-sites that you can visit that WILL say what you'd like to hear. Today, I am going to talk about the Bishop Eddie Long situation.
First a summary:
Within the past few days, two young men came forward and filed lawsuits against Bishop Eddie Long for sexual coercion (among other things), now today a TOTALLY different young man came forward and filed a THIRD suit against him. His lawyers are categorically denying any and all accusations and his church members are denying that their pastor/Bishop committed these deplorable sins.
This is basically all anyone knows about the case, yet many people on Facebook and elsewhere are up in arms about his innocence or guilt. Honestly, I believe the accusations are true. I'm sorry but if you'd read the rest of my blog, you'll understand why I feel this way. After having lived a life not pleasing to God for an entire year, while pretending to be a true Chrisitian, I know that it can and is done. Anyone who is not LYING to themselves knows that all have fallen and come short of the glory of God and it is entirely possible that what these young men said happened REALLY DID happen to them! Everyone is dogging these young men for coming forward BUT what if they are telling the truth? Do you really expect Bishop Long to come out and say, "Yes, I am a perv that took advantage of young boys while climbing the ladder to become a powerful Bishop"? Are his lawyers supposed to say, "Bishop Long is a perv that coerced three, maybe more, boys into having sex with him and he is willing to step forward to apologize and make things right"? What about his parishiners? What should they say? How about, "Our Bishop is a perv who has been molesting boys, yet we love and support him because we are idiots"? It's no to all of the above! Everyone is saying what you would EXPECT them to say in this situation. Bishop Long is most certainly not going to cop to this. He's going to lie!
Now that I've said my piece about how I really feel about the situation, I feel better. I have chosen a side and if I'm wrong, I am. It has nothing to do with me and I really don't care what happens after this. I actually hope that the young men are lying, but I have a sad feeling that they are not. Bishop Long has alot to lose if he confesses, but not as much as if he continues to lie and is caught! People would be more sympathetic if he came forward and said he did it, repented and moved on. BUT if he continues to lie and it's found that these young men are being truthful, many people will find it hard to ever trust him again. I honestly do NOT feel sorry for him, he let himself be put in the postion of being accused. The people I feel for are his WIFE (Yes, I said wife), children (Yes, he has children) and his congregation. These are the people that he is accountable to for his actions. I pray that none of this is true, but if it is, he certainly has alot of blood on his hands.....
First a summary:
Within the past few days, two young men came forward and filed lawsuits against Bishop Eddie Long for sexual coercion (among other things), now today a TOTALLY different young man came forward and filed a THIRD suit against him. His lawyers are categorically denying any and all accusations and his church members are denying that their pastor/Bishop committed these deplorable sins.
This is basically all anyone knows about the case, yet many people on Facebook and elsewhere are up in arms about his innocence or guilt. Honestly, I believe the accusations are true. I'm sorry but if you'd read the rest of my blog, you'll understand why I feel this way. After having lived a life not pleasing to God for an entire year, while pretending to be a true Chrisitian, I know that it can and is done. Anyone who is not LYING to themselves knows that all have fallen and come short of the glory of God and it is entirely possible that what these young men said happened REALLY DID happen to them! Everyone is dogging these young men for coming forward BUT what if they are telling the truth? Do you really expect Bishop Long to come out and say, "Yes, I am a perv that took advantage of young boys while climbing the ladder to become a powerful Bishop"? Are his lawyers supposed to say, "Bishop Long is a perv that coerced three, maybe more, boys into having sex with him and he is willing to step forward to apologize and make things right"? What about his parishiners? What should they say? How about, "Our Bishop is a perv who has been molesting boys, yet we love and support him because we are idiots"? It's no to all of the above! Everyone is saying what you would EXPECT them to say in this situation. Bishop Long is most certainly not going to cop to this. He's going to lie!
Now that I've said my piece about how I really feel about the situation, I feel better. I have chosen a side and if I'm wrong, I am. It has nothing to do with me and I really don't care what happens after this. I actually hope that the young men are lying, but I have a sad feeling that they are not. Bishop Long has alot to lose if he confesses, but not as much as if he continues to lie and is caught! People would be more sympathetic if he came forward and said he did it, repented and moved on. BUT if he continues to lie and it's found that these young men are being truthful, many people will find it hard to ever trust him again. I honestly do NOT feel sorry for him, he let himself be put in the postion of being accused. The people I feel for are his WIFE (Yes, I said wife), children (Yes, he has children) and his congregation. These are the people that he is accountable to for his actions. I pray that none of this is true, but if it is, he certainly has alot of blood on his hands.....
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Sidenote....
In case you haven't noticed, I have always referred to Isaiah's "wife" as such. I will not use her name in my blog and will not even make an effort to make up a name for her. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't even warrant a made up name, as even the ugliest name is too good for her/it. I also refer to her as "wife" because Isaiah confided in me that when he was divorcing his first wife that there were several papers that she neglected to sign, so instead of sending them back to her to sign, he forged her signature. According to Kennedy's REAL god-father, who is a lawyer, if ALL papers weren't signed by the correct party, the divorce and any resulting marriages are NOT LEGAL. Therefore she is his "wife".
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