Still more from MySpace....

Aug 10, 2008


Current mood: contemplative

It’s all done now.....

Well, for ME anyway.... I was kinda concerned about him, but I thought about all of the things that I had to do on my own and I figure he'll be just fine! And if not, it's really not my affair anymore. She called and tried to go off on me and I must admit I thought it would be MUCH worst. All she really did was try to put some guilt trip on me about all that she had SUPPOSEDLY done for me, when in reality I have done WAY more for her than she has EVER done for me. ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY!

I spoke to my pastor to update him on the siutation today, he told me to be encouraged, that my part in the whole mess is over. It's not my fault that she's just NOW finding out. I asked if maybe I should have tried harder to tell her, he told me NO, that it was NOT MY PLACE to ever tell her. After all, I'm not the one in a relationship with her. I KNEW I was right about that! I'm not gonna bash her, she DOES have a right to be upset, I just hope that she's smart enough to place blame where it belongs and NOT ALL ON ME! Anyway, my pastor told me not to contact them again and that if I REALLY wanted my laptop back that we could just take it to court. But I really don't want to waste another SECOND of my life or another DIME of my money on those people! Hopefully he'll just send me my stuff and we'll be done. But we'll see......

One thing that bothered me though, she said that I came there to get a baby from him! LOL AS IF..... Now, why on EARTH would I purposely get pregnant for someone who had his head so far up her behind that he can't see daylight? Someone who is SO henpecked that he wouldn't even stand up for his OWN sin and claim his OWN child? As much as I love my baby, and was willing to give up ANYTHING for her, even up to my own LIFE. He couldn't even give her an identity. Well, she has one now and God is to be glorified!

I'm done.....

'Night Blog.....

10:45 PM

This one is self-explanatory as well.... The next goes a bit more in-depth.


Sep 4, 2008


Current mood: accomplished

Excerpt from my book...... Let me know what you think!

O.K. So here it is about a month after it all hit the fan and I'm kinda burnin' about a few things! That phone call rings in my head, especially all of the things that she said that she was TOTALLY wrong about;

1. She said that I came there specifically to have a baby for him.
That HAD to be something that he told her to try to absolve himself of any responsibility! Answer this question for me; Why on earth would I PURPOSELY get pregnant for a man who can not take care of the many children that he already has. Someone who is ALWAYS broke and usually had to borrow money FROM ME!!

2. She referred to my baby several times as "that baby" or it!
First of all, that pissed me off more than anything because my baby is a person with a name and a personality. I guess it makes her feel better to dehumanize my baby than to realize that she is a person, a person HER "husband" helped to create! I have never been evil or ugly about any of her kids even though I could have MANY times! But I realized that they are innocents and have NEVER done anything to me,which is what SHE should consider instead of hating my baby because her "husband" can't keep his hands to himself.

3. She said that she "took care" of me?
WHEN? When was I taken care of? The only thing that got "taken care" of was my WALLET when I was around them! I helped with your bills, your grocery, I even paid your phone bill for three months because your "husband" was broke and couldn't afford to keep your phones on! Oh and let's not forget about the money to get the keyboard out of the pawn shop, that money was a LOAN. Guess what? I might as well should have kissed that money before I gave it to him because I never saw it again!

4. She said she never did anything to me.
Oh really? Well, let's talk about the lectures about my children while yours were flunking out of school and getting suspended! How about showing me how to keep my house clean while YOURS looked like a hell-hole. How the only time you ever even TRIED to clean was when you were going to have rehearsal. Going off on me about MY kids and yours weren't under complete control! I can say I never found any dead mice in my bedroom. Talking to me about my finances while your lights and gas were getting cut off! Oh, and how about catching up that 4-5 months of back rent before you tell ANYONE how to handle money?

5.I seduced him?
LOL That was the biggest laugh of all! I can't believe she even went there with me! I guess ALL the women he ever cheated on you with, INCLUDING YOUR VERY OWN COUSIN seduced him. He's so innocent and irresistable to any and all women! Just to let you know, dear heart; Remember that woman you took such relish in telling me that you got rid of, you know the one who was sending him all the dirty e-mails and phone calls. Well, there was a reason; HE SLEPT WITH HER! He told YOU nothing ever happend and you believed him! He met her at a hotel and screwed her! At least that's what he told ME! Who knows though. He might have been lying to me too, that's about the only thing he did well.....

I'm done with that part but now it's time to blow open some of the lies that he told you on me;

1. Remember the time when he told you that I went onto your family's network and took those sensual pictures of him? Well that's NOT TRUE! He actually GAVE me those pictures on a CD. (Which I still have!) He told me that you could NEVER know that I had those pics but what he didn't count on was your nosy self going into MY computer files and finding them!

2. Remember when he told you that he was going to the barber shop at 6:00am so he could get in before anyone else? Not true, love. He was actually at MY house, he would go get his haircut AFTER he spent an hour or two in my bed. This happened SEVERAL times!

3. Remember when he was working for **** and told you that he was going right home after work? He actually came RIGHT to MY house... Ask Cieyana. He woke her up coming in...

4. Remember when he told you that he never came to my house while you were in ******** taking care of your cousin? He lied..... He was at my house whenever he disappeared for any amount of time.

5. He told you that the reason we were so late showing up at that ******* ***'s outing when we took them to Magic Mountain is because I wasn't ready when he came for me? Another lie. That was the day we conceived my baby.

So as you can see. He lied and lied and lied. Over and over again. AND I can't imagine what he told you I did to make you stay with him! Oh, and one more thing;

6. Remember when I came up to help you all sing at ********** and he told you that we hadn't seen each other in years? Lie. He had seen me that week you were at the **** and he left early to stop in Niagara Falls to see me. Oh yeah, and he spent the night with me.

So while he was telling me that he loved you but was in love with me, he was telling you that he loved me but was in love with you! I really hope you hear me. But knowing you with your track record, you'll dismiss all of this because of ONE lie that he comes up with.

Now I have some questions;

1. Is your self-esteem REALLY so low that you will continue to live with a man that has lied to and cheated on you for the last 15 years?

2. Do you really believe that the Lord loves you so little that He would make you stay in a marriage with a man who does not respect you OR marriage?

3. Are you afraid that you can't raise 4 children alone? You might as well be doing that now, you take care of everything anyway, he does nothing.

4. Do you really believe that God ordained your marriage? Or do you know that the only reason he married you is because you told him that you were pregnant and would NOT under any circumstances have another baby without having a husband? He married you for the SAME reason that he married the first psycho, to save his baby's life. Only with you it wasn't that noble, he also wanted to keep you from pressing charges after he raped you.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you're sleeping and someone needs to wake you up.


So that was a part of the first chapter, let me know what you think!



5:34 PM