Just found out....

Friday, March 07, 2008

To retaliate or not to retaliate.....That is the question...

Current mood: betrayed

Category: Life

O.K....

I'm getting the sense now that maybe I should stay put for a few months. You know, save a little more money and let the kids get over their traumatic Ohio experience, they are both in therapy now! (You should hear some of the things that my children are disclosing to their therapists'!) I mean, I don't think I could be much angrier than I am right now. If even HALF of what my children are saying is true, then I was REALLY dumb to trust the people that I trusted there! I fell for so much, I find it amazing that my children aren't like TOTALLY insane. Kennedy is starting to sleep better now and Karson is starting to forget his little trials that he endured (HOPEFULLY!). I feel like I really failed them just to get away from my mom who I thought was trying to control me. It turned out that SHE has been my backbone these past months. I don't know what I would have done without her. And I'm not just talking about how she's helped me financially (Even though she DID that!), I'm talking about the emotional support. When I was pregnant and sick, she took care of me AND my children. she sat up in hospital rooms ALL NIGHT with me. She helped me not to go insane when I had to leave my baby in the hosptial because of her jaundice. She fed my screaming newborn daughter formula when I was hospitalzed with a suspected Pulmonary Embolism and I wasn't allowed to nurse because of the blood thinner. She's sat with me in doctors' offices, therapists' offices, hosptial rooms, waiting rooms and all just to be there, just to be supportive! She has been unbelievable, AND she's the ONLY reason that I'm just praying about these things that my children are saying about Ohio now.

To the people who hurt my children: (You KNOW who you are!)

I thought you loved them, and I thought that you were looking out for them BUT apparently I was wrong! I'm not going to retaliate; I'm going to let God be God in this situation. I could be ghetto (As you are!) and call your house and go off! I could jump the gun (As you always did!) and call the police and be ignorant. BUT I won't do that. There is NO room in my life for revenge. I am just going to continue to let my children get the help that they need and hopefully my little family can move on from here. There HAS to be a reason all of this that has gone on. I may never know until I meet the Lord and I can ask Him. I do know this though, I will NEVER be so trusting again. I will never take the word of someone over what my instincts tell me. My instinct was that certain people cared NOTHING for me or my children BUT I allowed myself to be convinced that I was wrong! I will never do that again. God gave me good sense, He gave me a great mind and intelligence none of which I excercised last year, BUT I promise I will now. Thanks be to God that I'm learning these things NOW instead of years down the road when they're grown and it would have too late to help them. I work in Behavioral Health and I see adults ALL the time who have mental problems and are on several medications because of things that happened to them, they were hurt when they were children. There's NO way I'm going to allow that to happen to my own children.

SO you who know the words of prayer, pray for me and my family and we will do the same for you!!!

In Him,
Dani