Lately....

Now I am still switching posts from my MySpace blog to this one, however I will take a break today to let you know what's been going on as of late. Now if you've been keeping up, you'll remember that while I have been quite verbal about my situation in my journals and blogs that I have been very quiet about it in my personal life. So, imagine my surprise when I found out that not only was Isaiah denying that he was my baby's father, but he is also denying that he ever willingly slept with me!!!

My good friend, Whit and I started discussing what happened to me in Ohio shortly after I got back to Niagara Falls. She told me that it was being said that I was pregnant and in sin, having had sex with several different men. I had decided within myself never to tell anyone what happened to me, I was content just to be quiet and let the Lord have His way in the situation, however I could NOT sit back and let them lie on me like that. SO, I told her what really happened. I told her everything, I was as transparent as can be and I held nothing back. Now I knew that the more I spoke, the more I was making myself look like a not so very nice girl, BUT I wasn't going to lie FOR him anymore. At that point, I still loved him but I had to heed my Pastor's advice and stop lying about the situation to people. ESPECIALLY people that I consider my friends. This all happened while Kyn was an infant so after not having heard from Whitney for a while, I thought that what I said was too much for her and that she wasn't speaking to me either. It was easy for me to believe that because everyone else had turned their backs on me. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Whitney and I found each other on Facebook and she asked me if things were the same between Isaiah and I. I told her yes, that I had not spoken to him since July of 2008. It was then that he made some "godly quote" on his Facebook page. When Whitney saw that, she got really irritated and wrote him a letter. She wrote it, but wouldn't send it for a few weeks because she wanted to make sure that I was OK with it. I will post some of it after I ask her for permission. Anyway, in the letter she basically tells him what she knows and that it disgusts her that he isn't trying to help me. She also shared my story with another friend of mine, one that I thought I'd lost named Dana. Dana wrote me immediately and apologized for believing the things they told her about me! NOW, all along, for THREE years, I am not saying anything about these people. People knew that my daughter's father was married to someone else BUT I didn't pull his name into anything. I took the WHOLE load alone. But while I was taking the high road, they were LYING on me to people, people who believed them and sadly, people who I thought were my friends.

So when Dana told me what they told her about me, I told her the truth also! I was NOT going to continue to be quiet when they weren't. After I told her, she quit the group! I never thought she'd believe me, much less leave the group. BUT I guess when the Lord touches someone's heart to believe you when you share truth, there's nothing that the lying party can do. Next, I was told that one of his group members was telling people that I drugged him. That the woman he lives with was telling people that she tried to reach out to me to talk (NOT TRUE), and that she asked me for a DNA test (AGAIN, NOT TRUE). She also told Isaiah that when she called me that I cussed her out, called her and Isaiah all types of names and made the situation worst. That was a HUGE lie because I never even got a chance to really talk. She was screaming and when she was done screaming, she hung up on me. It turns out that the years that they lived together have turned her into a great liar as well.

I have consented to confronting them via speaker phone, but he can't and won't face me. He will continue to lie and hide behind the real man of his "family". I had consented to the DNA test that was just bought up, BUT I have changed my mind. I have thought about it and I really don't see the advantage to it. He will never be in her life and he's struggling to take care of the people that he lives with, why should I expect him to take care of MY child, when I am doing a great job ON MY OWN? I am NOT struggling, my lights and gas are ALWAYS on, my cable is never shut off, my fridge is FULL of food and my rent is up to date. I'm positive that he cannot say the same. My children all have clothing, in their sizes, none of which were purchased BY someone else or from the thrift shop! Kyndall has pampers, wipes and everything else she needs. I will not wonder and worry about MY children's Christmas, as they will receive everything that are on their lists! My house is clean, thanks in part to the maid that comes every Thursday to clean what I don't have time to clean while I am working FULL-TIME and going to school for my BS in Health Administration. Kennedy and I work out 5 times a week, while Kyndall and Karson enjoy the other activities at the gym! I am singing again and I have  a testimony about how God can love you even after your mess, if only you repent and walk in deliverance. You can't be delivered and STILL lying. Deliverance comes out of truth and I see now that he still doesn't know what that is. It's really sad that a 40 year old woman and a 38 year old man don't know how to live truth. That they continue to lie and hide behind a sin and yet believe that  their "ministry" will prosper. I wonder if they know how selfish they're being by allowing people to sleep in that bear trap with them? They have some really talented people in their group who are trying to live right, but are being taught to spread lies about a situation that they know nothing about. Do they realize the danger that they have placed not only their souls in, but also the people who trust him to lead them? That's the part that is the most upsetting. They know the sin, and are walking in it knowingly but those other people know nothing. They are sinning and have no idea but they are still accountable because instead of taking Isaiah at face value, they should pray and ask the Lord for answers....

Oh well, whatcha gonna do? People believe what they want and NEED to believe......
More later... I promise....