SO, you've probably noticed that I changed the blog's name. It still IS about my life and the experiences that I've lived through. It's still about what happened to me from October 3, 2006- November 3, 2007. I'll still be talking about how that my life here is still affected by my life there.
The children will only be mentioned when it is absolutely necessary. I do not wish to exploit my kids, if you read this blog it will be because you are interested, for whatever reason, in what I have to say. If you don't LIKE my blog, I don't know what to tell you, other than to visit another page! The internet is a HUGE world and there is really no reason for you to torture yourself by staying on a page and reading a blog that you don't want to read. Anyway, as more becomes revealed, I hope that I don't scare you away. I hope that you can read this blog and see the woman I was and the woman that I became as a result of my experiences..... God Bless, and you pray for me as I pray for you.....
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
You know what?
Greetings.....
I was reading a blog today and I realized that while there are many blogs out there that are for the women that have been cheated on, there aren't very many (if any) for those of us who cheated WITH the man. I know why. It's because there's a stigma of "the other woman". Well, I'd like to break that stigma. All "other women" are not whores, sluts or tramps. Some are simply women, like myself, who were lied to and made to believe that one thing was true when it wasn't. Those of us whose feelings were taken advantage of and then trampled. All of us are not waiting at home in skimpy lingerie, in full make-up, with sweetly frangranced skin, lying in wait for YOUR husband. We are not all out stalking him, and constantly calling him to come over to make love to us. Sure, there are some women who fall into that category, BUT all of us don't. There are some, like me, who are pursued by YOUR man with an intensity that would frighten you if you knew about it. Some of us, like me, are living our own lives when YOUR man stops by and under the guise of friendship comes to MY house, pins me against the refrigerator and kisses ME. I was sleeping on several different occassions when YOUR "husband" snuck into MY house with the key that was supposed to be safely on YOUR key chain, climbed into my bed and was inside of me before I knew it, smiling like he was supposed to be there. With NO CONDOM on, telling me how much better I felt than YOU do.
These are the women that need to be represented. There are women who seek out married men, I am not talking about those women. I am talking about the women that would have NO access to YOUR man if he didn't make himself accessible. I lived in Ohio for a YEAR. I didn't know the area, didn't have a car. AND I can't think of ONE time when I asked him to come to me, and yet he always did. Yet, you blame me. You call me the whore. There is a whore involved, but sweetheart, you're married to him. You choose to be. He came to me after making up lies for you. He told you he was going to get a haircut at 6 in the morning. YOU believed him. Yet, by 6am, he was in my bed, scaring me because I didn't expect him to be there. I can be blamed for not saying no, but who wants to say no to the man they love? Yes I did love him. I actually loved him before YOU did, loved him longer and harder that you can ever imagine. Yet, even as he ran to my bed, he runs away from the responsibility of the daughter that we made together. Even as now his "focus" is you, he used to focus on me in the same way, when he was begging me to let him come inside me. Inside ME, where he KNEW he wasn't supposed to be. I am embarassed that I ever let me touch me in such an intimate way. Ashamed that he's SO embarassed of acts that he was SO proud of that he blames ME for "drugging" him. Finally, I am sad that he's denying the daughter that you couldn't give him, the daughter that he said he wanted more than anything. The one I gave him.
That hurts more than anything......
I was reading a blog today and I realized that while there are many blogs out there that are for the women that have been cheated on, there aren't very many (if any) for those of us who cheated WITH the man. I know why. It's because there's a stigma of "the other woman". Well, I'd like to break that stigma. All "other women" are not whores, sluts or tramps. Some are simply women, like myself, who were lied to and made to believe that one thing was true when it wasn't. Those of us whose feelings were taken advantage of and then trampled. All of us are not waiting at home in skimpy lingerie, in full make-up, with sweetly frangranced skin, lying in wait for YOUR husband. We are not all out stalking him, and constantly calling him to come over to make love to us. Sure, there are some women who fall into that category, BUT all of us don't. There are some, like me, who are pursued by YOUR man with an intensity that would frighten you if you knew about it. Some of us, like me, are living our own lives when YOUR man stops by and under the guise of friendship comes to MY house, pins me against the refrigerator and kisses ME. I was sleeping on several different occassions when YOUR "husband" snuck into MY house with the key that was supposed to be safely on YOUR key chain, climbed into my bed and was inside of me before I knew it, smiling like he was supposed to be there. With NO CONDOM on, telling me how much better I felt than YOU do.
These are the women that need to be represented. There are women who seek out married men, I am not talking about those women. I am talking about the women that would have NO access to YOUR man if he didn't make himself accessible. I lived in Ohio for a YEAR. I didn't know the area, didn't have a car. AND I can't think of ONE time when I asked him to come to me, and yet he always did. Yet, you blame me. You call me the whore. There is a whore involved, but sweetheart, you're married to him. You choose to be. He came to me after making up lies for you. He told you he was going to get a haircut at 6 in the morning. YOU believed him. Yet, by 6am, he was in my bed, scaring me because I didn't expect him to be there. I can be blamed for not saying no, but who wants to say no to the man they love? Yes I did love him. I actually loved him before YOU did, loved him longer and harder that you can ever imagine. Yet, even as he ran to my bed, he runs away from the responsibility of the daughter that we made together. Even as now his "focus" is you, he used to focus on me in the same way, when he was begging me to let him come inside me. Inside ME, where he KNEW he wasn't supposed to be. I am embarassed that I ever let me touch me in such an intimate way. Ashamed that he's SO embarassed of acts that he was SO proud of that he blames ME for "drugging" him. Finally, I am sad that he's denying the daughter that you couldn't give him, the daughter that he said he wanted more than anything. The one I gave him.
That hurts more than anything......
Lately....
Now I am still switching posts from my MySpace blog to this one, however I will take a break today to let you know what's been going on as of late. Now if you've been keeping up, you'll remember that while I have been quite verbal about my situation in my journals and blogs that I have been very quiet about it in my personal life. So, imagine my surprise when I found out that not only was Isaiah denying that he was my baby's father, but he is also denying that he ever willingly slept with me!!!
My good friend, Whit and I started discussing what happened to me in Ohio shortly after I got back to Niagara Falls. She told me that it was being said that I was pregnant and in sin, having had sex with several different men. I had decided within myself never to tell anyone what happened to me, I was content just to be quiet and let the Lord have His way in the situation, however I could NOT sit back and let them lie on me like that. SO, I told her what really happened. I told her everything, I was as transparent as can be and I held nothing back. Now I knew that the more I spoke, the more I was making myself look like a not so very nice girl, BUT I wasn't going to lie FOR him anymore. At that point, I still loved him but I had to heed my Pastor's advice and stop lying about the situation to people. ESPECIALLY people that I consider my friends. This all happened while Kyn was an infant so after not having heard from Whitney for a while, I thought that what I said was too much for her and that she wasn't speaking to me either. It was easy for me to believe that because everyone else had turned their backs on me. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Whitney and I found each other on Facebook and she asked me if things were the same between Isaiah and I. I told her yes, that I had not spoken to him since July of 2008. It was then that he made some "godly quote" on his Facebook page. When Whitney saw that, she got really irritated and wrote him a letter. She wrote it, but wouldn't send it for a few weeks because she wanted to make sure that I was OK with it. I will post some of it after I ask her for permission. Anyway, in the letter she basically tells him what she knows and that it disgusts her that he isn't trying to help me. She also shared my story with another friend of mine, one that I thought I'd lost named Dana. Dana wrote me immediately and apologized for believing the things they told her about me! NOW, all along, for THREE years, I am not saying anything about these people. People knew that my daughter's father was married to someone else BUT I didn't pull his name into anything. I took the WHOLE load alone. But while I was taking the high road, they were LYING on me to people, people who believed them and sadly, people who I thought were my friends.
So when Dana told me what they told her about me, I told her the truth also! I was NOT going to continue to be quiet when they weren't. After I told her, she quit the group! I never thought she'd believe me, much less leave the group. BUT I guess when the Lord touches someone's heart to believe you when you share truth, there's nothing that the lying party can do. Next, I was told that one of his group members was telling people that I drugged him. That the woman he lives with was telling people that she tried to reach out to me to talk (NOT TRUE), and that she asked me for a DNA test (AGAIN, NOT TRUE). She also told Isaiah that when she called me that I cussed her out, called her and Isaiah all types of names and made the situation worst. That was a HUGE lie because I never even got a chance to really talk. She was screaming and when she was done screaming, she hung up on me. It turns out that the years that they lived together have turned her into a great liar as well.
I have consented to confronting them via speaker phone, but he can't and won't face me. He will continue to lie and hide behind the real man of his "family". I had consented to the DNA test that was just bought up, BUT I have changed my mind. I have thought about it and I really don't see the advantage to it. He will never be in her life and he's struggling to take care of the people that he lives with, why should I expect him to take care of MY child, when I am doing a great job ON MY OWN? I am NOT struggling, my lights and gas are ALWAYS on, my cable is never shut off, my fridge is FULL of food and my rent is up to date. I'm positive that he cannot say the same. My children all have clothing, in their sizes, none of which were purchased BY someone else or from the thrift shop! Kyndall has pampers, wipes and everything else she needs. I will not wonder and worry about MY children's Christmas, as they will receive everything that are on their lists! My house is clean, thanks in part to the maid that comes every Thursday to clean what I don't have time to clean while I am working FULL-TIME and going to school for my BS in Health Administration. Kennedy and I work out 5 times a week, while Kyndall and Karson enjoy the other activities at the gym! I am singing again and I have a testimony about how God can love you even after your mess, if only you repent and walk in deliverance. You can't be delivered and STILL lying. Deliverance comes out of truth and I see now that he still doesn't know what that is. It's really sad that a 40 year old woman and a 38 year old man don't know how to live truth. That they continue to lie and hide behind a sin and yet believe that their "ministry" will prosper. I wonder if they know how selfish they're being by allowing people to sleep in that bear trap with them? They have some really talented people in their group who are trying to live right, but are being taught to spread lies about a situation that they know nothing about. Do they realize the danger that they have placed not only their souls in, but also the people who trust him to lead them? That's the part that is the most upsetting. They know the sin, and are walking in it knowingly but those other people know nothing. They are sinning and have no idea but they are still accountable because instead of taking Isaiah at face value, they should pray and ask the Lord for answers....
Oh well, whatcha gonna do? People believe what they want and NEED to believe......
More later... I promise....
My good friend, Whit and I started discussing what happened to me in Ohio shortly after I got back to Niagara Falls. She told me that it was being said that I was pregnant and in sin, having had sex with several different men. I had decided within myself never to tell anyone what happened to me, I was content just to be quiet and let the Lord have His way in the situation, however I could NOT sit back and let them lie on me like that. SO, I told her what really happened. I told her everything, I was as transparent as can be and I held nothing back. Now I knew that the more I spoke, the more I was making myself look like a not so very nice girl, BUT I wasn't going to lie FOR him anymore. At that point, I still loved him but I had to heed my Pastor's advice and stop lying about the situation to people. ESPECIALLY people that I consider my friends. This all happened while Kyn was an infant so after not having heard from Whitney for a while, I thought that what I said was too much for her and that she wasn't speaking to me either. It was easy for me to believe that because everyone else had turned their backs on me. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Whitney and I found each other on Facebook and she asked me if things were the same between Isaiah and I. I told her yes, that I had not spoken to him since July of 2008. It was then that he made some "godly quote" on his Facebook page. When Whitney saw that, she got really irritated and wrote him a letter. She wrote it, but wouldn't send it for a few weeks because she wanted to make sure that I was OK with it. I will post some of it after I ask her for permission. Anyway, in the letter she basically tells him what she knows and that it disgusts her that he isn't trying to help me. She also shared my story with another friend of mine, one that I thought I'd lost named Dana. Dana wrote me immediately and apologized for believing the things they told her about me! NOW, all along, for THREE years, I am not saying anything about these people. People knew that my daughter's father was married to someone else BUT I didn't pull his name into anything. I took the WHOLE load alone. But while I was taking the high road, they were LYING on me to people, people who believed them and sadly, people who I thought were my friends.
So when Dana told me what they told her about me, I told her the truth also! I was NOT going to continue to be quiet when they weren't. After I told her, she quit the group! I never thought she'd believe me, much less leave the group. BUT I guess when the Lord touches someone's heart to believe you when you share truth, there's nothing that the lying party can do. Next, I was told that one of his group members was telling people that I drugged him. That the woman he lives with was telling people that she tried to reach out to me to talk (NOT TRUE), and that she asked me for a DNA test (AGAIN, NOT TRUE). She also told Isaiah that when she called me that I cussed her out, called her and Isaiah all types of names and made the situation worst. That was a HUGE lie because I never even got a chance to really talk. She was screaming and when she was done screaming, she hung up on me. It turns out that the years that they lived together have turned her into a great liar as well.
I have consented to confronting them via speaker phone, but he can't and won't face me. He will continue to lie and hide behind the real man of his "family". I had consented to the DNA test that was just bought up, BUT I have changed my mind. I have thought about it and I really don't see the advantage to it. He will never be in her life and he's struggling to take care of the people that he lives with, why should I expect him to take care of MY child, when I am doing a great job ON MY OWN? I am NOT struggling, my lights and gas are ALWAYS on, my cable is never shut off, my fridge is FULL of food and my rent is up to date. I'm positive that he cannot say the same. My children all have clothing, in their sizes, none of which were purchased BY someone else or from the thrift shop! Kyndall has pampers, wipes and everything else she needs. I will not wonder and worry about MY children's Christmas, as they will receive everything that are on their lists! My house is clean, thanks in part to the maid that comes every Thursday to clean what I don't have time to clean while I am working FULL-TIME and going to school for my BS in Health Administration. Kennedy and I work out 5 times a week, while Kyndall and Karson enjoy the other activities at the gym! I am singing again and I have a testimony about how God can love you even after your mess, if only you repent and walk in deliverance. You can't be delivered and STILL lying. Deliverance comes out of truth and I see now that he still doesn't know what that is. It's really sad that a 40 year old woman and a 38 year old man don't know how to live truth. That they continue to lie and hide behind a sin and yet believe that their "ministry" will prosper. I wonder if they know how selfish they're being by allowing people to sleep in that bear trap with them? They have some really talented people in their group who are trying to live right, but are being taught to spread lies about a situation that they know nothing about. Do they realize the danger that they have placed not only their souls in, but also the people who trust him to lead them? That's the part that is the most upsetting. They know the sin, and are walking in it knowingly but those other people know nothing. They are sinning and have no idea but they are still accountable because instead of taking Isaiah at face value, they should pray and ask the Lord for answers....
Oh well, whatcha gonna do? People believe what they want and NEED to believe......
More later... I promise....
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Just found out....
Friday, March 07, 2008
To retaliate or not to retaliate.....That is the question...
Current mood: betrayed
Category: Life
O.K....
I'm getting the sense now that maybe I should stay put for a few months. You know, save a little more money and let the kids get over their traumatic Ohio experience, they are both in therapy now! (You should hear some of the things that my children are disclosing to their therapists'!) I mean, I don't think I could be much angrier than I am right now. If even HALF of what my children are saying is true, then I was REALLY dumb to trust the people that I trusted there! I fell for so much, I find it amazing that my children aren't like TOTALLY insane. Kennedy is starting to sleep better now and Karson is starting to forget his little trials that he endured (HOPEFULLY!). I feel like I really failed them just to get away from my mom who I thought was trying to control me. It turned out that SHE has been my backbone these past months. I don't know what I would have done without her. And I'm not just talking about how she's helped me financially (Even though she DID that!), I'm talking about the emotional support. When I was pregnant and sick, she took care of me AND my children. she sat up in hospital rooms ALL NIGHT with me. She helped me not to go insane when I had to leave my baby in the hosptial because of her jaundice. She fed my screaming newborn daughter formula when I was hospitalzed with a suspected Pulmonary Embolism and I wasn't allowed to nurse because of the blood thinner. She's sat with me in doctors' offices, therapists' offices, hosptial rooms, waiting rooms and all just to be there, just to be supportive! She has been unbelievable, AND she's the ONLY reason that I'm just praying about these things that my children are saying about Ohio now.
To the people who hurt my children: (You KNOW who you are!)
I thought you loved them, and I thought that you were looking out for them BUT apparently I was wrong! I'm not going to retaliate; I'm going to let God be God in this situation. I could be ghetto (As you are!) and call your house and go off! I could jump the gun (As you always did!) and call the police and be ignorant. BUT I won't do that. There is NO room in my life for revenge. I am just going to continue to let my children get the help that they need and hopefully my little family can move on from here. There HAS to be a reason all of this that has gone on. I may never know until I meet the Lord and I can ask Him. I do know this though, I will NEVER be so trusting again. I will never take the word of someone over what my instincts tell me. My instinct was that certain people cared NOTHING for me or my children BUT I allowed myself to be convinced that I was wrong! I will never do that again. God gave me good sense, He gave me a great mind and intelligence none of which I excercised last year, BUT I promise I will now. Thanks be to God that I'm learning these things NOW instead of years down the road when they're grown and it would have too late to help them. I work in Behavioral Health and I see adults ALL the time who have mental problems and are on several medications because of things that happened to them, they were hurt when they were children. There's NO way I'm going to allow that to happen to my own children.
SO you who know the words of prayer, pray for me and my family and we will do the same for you!!!
In Him,
Dani
To retaliate or not to retaliate.....That is the question...
Current mood: betrayed
Category: Life
O.K....
I'm getting the sense now that maybe I should stay put for a few months. You know, save a little more money and let the kids get over their traumatic Ohio experience, they are both in therapy now! (You should hear some of the things that my children are disclosing to their therapists'!) I mean, I don't think I could be much angrier than I am right now. If even HALF of what my children are saying is true, then I was REALLY dumb to trust the people that I trusted there! I fell for so much, I find it amazing that my children aren't like TOTALLY insane. Kennedy is starting to sleep better now and Karson is starting to forget his little trials that he endured (HOPEFULLY!). I feel like I really failed them just to get away from my mom who I thought was trying to control me. It turned out that SHE has been my backbone these past months. I don't know what I would have done without her. And I'm not just talking about how she's helped me financially (Even though she DID that!), I'm talking about the emotional support. When I was pregnant and sick, she took care of me AND my children. she sat up in hospital rooms ALL NIGHT with me. She helped me not to go insane when I had to leave my baby in the hosptial because of her jaundice. She fed my screaming newborn daughter formula when I was hospitalzed with a suspected Pulmonary Embolism and I wasn't allowed to nurse because of the blood thinner. She's sat with me in doctors' offices, therapists' offices, hosptial rooms, waiting rooms and all just to be there, just to be supportive! She has been unbelievable, AND she's the ONLY reason that I'm just praying about these things that my children are saying about Ohio now.
To the people who hurt my children: (You KNOW who you are!)
I thought you loved them, and I thought that you were looking out for them BUT apparently I was wrong! I'm not going to retaliate; I'm going to let God be God in this situation. I could be ghetto (As you are!) and call your house and go off! I could jump the gun (As you always did!) and call the police and be ignorant. BUT I won't do that. There is NO room in my life for revenge. I am just going to continue to let my children get the help that they need and hopefully my little family can move on from here. There HAS to be a reason all of this that has gone on. I may never know until I meet the Lord and I can ask Him. I do know this though, I will NEVER be so trusting again. I will never take the word of someone over what my instincts tell me. My instinct was that certain people cared NOTHING for me or my children BUT I allowed myself to be convinced that I was wrong! I will never do that again. God gave me good sense, He gave me a great mind and intelligence none of which I excercised last year, BUT I promise I will now. Thanks be to God that I'm learning these things NOW instead of years down the road when they're grown and it would have too late to help them. I work in Behavioral Health and I see adults ALL the time who have mental problems and are on several medications because of things that happened to them, they were hurt when they were children. There's NO way I'm going to allow that to happen to my own children.
SO you who know the words of prayer, pray for me and my family and we will do the same for you!!!
In Him,
Dani
MySpace Blog- February 21, 2008- March 1, 2008
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Ears?!?!
Current mood: embarrassed
Category: Life
O.K....
Ear piercing. Is it really that important that I get her ears pierced or am I just doing because it's expected? I mean, couldn't I wait until she's like..... 20? 25 seems to be a good age at which to put holes in my daughter's ears. (25 YEARS not MONTHS!) Mom is telling me that I should get it done NOW. Because as young as she is, she won't be able to mess with them. She doesn't have enough control to pull at her ears, and since she'll have just had her shots we'll be getting EVERYTHING out of the way! That sounds like a good arguement BUT I wanna wait because I don't want them to just have STABBED her up for immunizations only to take to the mall and have her MUTILATED there! Yes, I know that I'm being melodramatic but I don't want her to hurt TOO much. Anyway, I'm just gonna suck it up and have it done. Just get it over with! The sooner we get it over with, the better! Just pray for me, 'cause I have a feeling it's gonna be more traumatic for ME than it will be for HER!!!! LOL
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Well, I’m praying....
Current mood: determined
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
MY plan is to move to Atlanta this summer, but the question I'm asking myself is this; What is GOD'S plan for me? Does He want me and the children to relocate to Georgia? Will my ministry flourish there? Is my next home church there? Can my children and I be happy there? Is the help my children need to healthy and happy there? Those are the questions I'm asking God since there doesn't seem to be a REAL reason that I'm staying here in Niagara Falls. But since God's ways are not my ways, neither His thoughts mine, He could have a reason for my being back here right now. Hopefully, He'll reveal to me as I seek after Him. As I pray more and get into His word, these are things that I need for Him to reveal to me.
My children are doing well here, and they seem to be really happy now. But will they be happy if we live somewhere else? OK I gotta go feed my daughter, I'll write more about this later!
Dani
O.K. I'm back! It's so funny how opinionated someone so small can be! I mean, when she wants her food, she REALLY wants her food!! LOL She fell out on me and everything! LOL Anyway, there's not much more to say. I'm just praying and waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do. I hope that He answers me soon! I'm ready to start what He has for me to do!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Let me say this....
Current mood: animated
Category: Friends
O.K. I know that I have spent alot of time bashing Ohio, but quite honestly aside from the bad situation that I lived through there, I DID make quite a few great friends there! And all the times that I had there weren't BAD. Let me see; if I say of the 100% of the time that I was there, 55% of my time there wasn't THAT bad and I can say that I was sincerely happy there about 40% of that time! LOL That's not too bad considering the things that I was going through and again. the people I met there made the 45% of HORRIBLE feel bearable!
Anyway, my mother asked me a question today. She asked me if I didn't think that I might wanna move back to Ohio! Isn't that the greatest joke? She really likes Elder and Sister Malone and she thinks that I should take him up on his offer of help to get into an apartment and a job and move on back there. You know what? If Ohio was the LAST state on earth I would NOT go back there! It would really be too much trouble. Kennedy and Karson are settled here and doing well. The church we go to now is a nice place AND the baby's doctor is great! Yes, I know I'm planning to move away from here again, BUT not for a little while maybe 3-6 months or so. I want the baby to be a little older before I travel with her. AND that gives Ken and Kars' therapist to prepare them a little better before we go this time. The last time I moved, I didn't REALLY prepare them at ALL and ended up paying the price once I moved!
Where are we moving? Well, since I'm kinda tired of all this cold weather, I'm praying (YES, seriously praying!) about going down South. I have family in Atlanta so that would be a prime location for me, PLUS there are ALOT of churches down there where I can be used of God! (Not used of people!) AND since Mom is going to Florida, in Georgia I'll be ALOT closer to her. Closer than I would be if moved back to Ohio! Moving away to a new city is scary but it's not as though I've never done it before. I'll have my Chaddy (My buddy) to help me, and then Ja-Jo (My cousin) lives there along with my aunt so it won't be like I don't know anyone there. PLUS I have my cousin, Dana AND my sister is planning to move down there also, so I'll continue to pray about it.
SO, I'm going to go to bed now as I have a small person who will be cooing in my face in a couple of hours and then progressing to SCREAMING if I'm not smiling in her face with my breast out! LOL Babies are funny! Especially Smushyface (Kyndall), she has quite a little personality already. The way she looks at me
sometimes, I feel as though she knows more than she should! She's the most beautiful baby! Can be fussy, ESPECIALLY when she doesn't get her way but beautiful nonetheless! And then there are the two small people who have to get on their busses at 8:04am and 8:30am, so I'll have to be up at 6:00am..... Ahhhhhhhhhh, the joys of single Mommyhood Later, Blog!
Dani
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Doctors’ Appointment
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life
Life is precious! I took Kyndall to the doctors' today since I was concerned about her weight gain. (I am breasfeeding.) And since breasts don't come with ounce measurements on the sides like bottles do, you HAVE to use your baby's weight to determine if she's getting enough milk. Well, let's see; Kyndall weighed 7 lbs and was 20 inches long at birth, when she was discharged from the hospital 6 days later she weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz. (still 20 inches long) and today at 6 weeks of age she weighs (DRUMROLL PLEASE!) 9 POUNDS and 10 OUNCES! AND she is 22 1/2 inches long, SO I guess she is getting enough! LOL I am really starting to enjoy my baby now that the post-partum depression is easing up. It was really hard coming to grips with the fact that her dad will not be around to help raise her, BUT it's not MY loss, it's his. I got her FIRST smile and her first bath and I get to see her every day. What a blessing she is to me. Kennedy and Karson's dad lost even more; I got the first smiles, first steps, hearing them call me Mommie, first teeth. All the firsts that God has blessed me to experience again with Kyndall! SO, I am feeling ALOT better about the situation! I CAN DO THIS BY MYSELF WITH GOD'S HELP!
I thank God for the companionship of the man that He has put into my life. I'm telling you it takes a REAL man to help with children that are not biologically his! And I'm grateful for the man I have. Just think, had I stayed in Ohio, I KNOW that I would STILL be miserable but God freed me from an awful situation and I will always be thankful for the second chance that He has given!
September 23, 2010
These entried were right after Kyndall was born in January. I was going through Postpartum Depression and trying to be cheerful! I can't tell if it was working or not but I certainly tried. I was feeling miserable about my life at that point. It's kinda hard to go back and read some of the posts. I was just finding out alot of things about what this dude did to my kids....
Ears?!?!
Current mood: embarrassed
Category: Life
O.K....
Ear piercing. Is it really that important that I get her ears pierced or am I just doing because it's expected? I mean, couldn't I wait until she's like..... 20? 25 seems to be a good age at which to put holes in my daughter's ears. (25 YEARS not MONTHS!) Mom is telling me that I should get it done NOW. Because as young as she is, she won't be able to mess with them. She doesn't have enough control to pull at her ears, and since she'll have just had her shots we'll be getting EVERYTHING out of the way! That sounds like a good arguement BUT I wanna wait because I don't want them to just have STABBED her up for immunizations only to take to the mall and have her MUTILATED there! Yes, I know that I'm being melodramatic but I don't want her to hurt TOO much. Anyway, I'm just gonna suck it up and have it done. Just get it over with! The sooner we get it over with, the better! Just pray for me, 'cause I have a feeling it's gonna be more traumatic for ME than it will be for HER!!!! LOL
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Well, I’m praying....
Current mood: determined
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
MY plan is to move to Atlanta this summer, but the question I'm asking myself is this; What is GOD'S plan for me? Does He want me and the children to relocate to Georgia? Will my ministry flourish there? Is my next home church there? Can my children and I be happy there? Is the help my children need to healthy and happy there? Those are the questions I'm asking God since there doesn't seem to be a REAL reason that I'm staying here in Niagara Falls. But since God's ways are not my ways, neither His thoughts mine, He could have a reason for my being back here right now. Hopefully, He'll reveal to me as I seek after Him. As I pray more and get into His word, these are things that I need for Him to reveal to me.
My children are doing well here, and they seem to be really happy now. But will they be happy if we live somewhere else? OK I gotta go feed my daughter, I'll write more about this later!
Dani
O.K. I'm back! It's so funny how opinionated someone so small can be! I mean, when she wants her food, she REALLY wants her food!! LOL She fell out on me and everything! LOL Anyway, there's not much more to say. I'm just praying and waiting on the Lord to tell me what to do. I hope that He answers me soon! I'm ready to start what He has for me to do!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Let me say this....
Current mood: animated
Category: Friends
O.K. I know that I have spent alot of time bashing Ohio, but quite honestly aside from the bad situation that I lived through there, I DID make quite a few great friends there! And all the times that I had there weren't BAD. Let me see; if I say of the 100% of the time that I was there, 55% of my time there wasn't THAT bad and I can say that I was sincerely happy there about 40% of that time! LOL That's not too bad considering the things that I was going through and again. the people I met there made the 45% of HORRIBLE feel bearable!
Anyway, my mother asked me a question today. She asked me if I didn't think that I might wanna move back to Ohio! Isn't that the greatest joke? She really likes Elder and Sister Malone and she thinks that I should take him up on his offer of help to get into an apartment and a job and move on back there. You know what? If Ohio was the LAST state on earth I would NOT go back there! It would really be too much trouble. Kennedy and Karson are settled here and doing well. The church we go to now is a nice place AND the baby's doctor is great! Yes, I know I'm planning to move away from here again, BUT not for a little while maybe 3-6 months or so. I want the baby to be a little older before I travel with her. AND that gives Ken and Kars' therapist to prepare them a little better before we go this time. The last time I moved, I didn't REALLY prepare them at ALL and ended up paying the price once I moved!
Where are we moving? Well, since I'm kinda tired of all this cold weather, I'm praying (YES, seriously praying!) about going down South. I have family in Atlanta so that would be a prime location for me, PLUS there are ALOT of churches down there where I can be used of God! (Not used of people!) AND since Mom is going to Florida, in Georgia I'll be ALOT closer to her. Closer than I would be if moved back to Ohio! Moving away to a new city is scary but it's not as though I've never done it before. I'll have my Chaddy (My buddy) to help me, and then Ja-Jo (My cousin) lives there along with my aunt so it won't be like I don't know anyone there. PLUS I have my cousin, Dana AND my sister is planning to move down there also, so I'll continue to pray about it.
SO, I'm going to go to bed now as I have a small person who will be cooing in my face in a couple of hours and then progressing to SCREAMING if I'm not smiling in her face with my breast out! LOL Babies are funny! Especially Smushyface (Kyndall), she has quite a little personality already. The way she looks at me
sometimes, I feel as though she knows more than she should! She's the most beautiful baby! Can be fussy, ESPECIALLY when she doesn't get her way but beautiful nonetheless! And then there are the two small people who have to get on their busses at 8:04am and 8:30am, so I'll have to be up at 6:00am..... Ahhhhhhhhhh, the joys of single Mommyhood Later, Blog!
Dani
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Doctors’ Appointment
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life
Life is precious! I took Kyndall to the doctors' today since I was concerned about her weight gain. (I am breasfeeding.) And since breasts don't come with ounce measurements on the sides like bottles do, you HAVE to use your baby's weight to determine if she's getting enough milk. Well, let's see; Kyndall weighed 7 lbs and was 20 inches long at birth, when she was discharged from the hospital 6 days later she weighed 6 lbs. 10 oz. (still 20 inches long) and today at 6 weeks of age she weighs (DRUMROLL PLEASE!) 9 POUNDS and 10 OUNCES! AND she is 22 1/2 inches long, SO I guess she is getting enough! LOL I am really starting to enjoy my baby now that the post-partum depression is easing up. It was really hard coming to grips with the fact that her dad will not be around to help raise her, BUT it's not MY loss, it's his. I got her FIRST smile and her first bath and I get to see her every day. What a blessing she is to me. Kennedy and Karson's dad lost even more; I got the first smiles, first steps, hearing them call me Mommie, first teeth. All the firsts that God has blessed me to experience again with Kyndall! SO, I am feeling ALOT better about the situation! I CAN DO THIS BY MYSELF WITH GOD'S HELP!
I thank God for the companionship of the man that He has put into my life. I'm telling you it takes a REAL man to help with children that are not biologically his! And I'm grateful for the man I have. Just think, had I stayed in Ohio, I KNOW that I would STILL be miserable but God freed me from an awful situation and I will always be thankful for the second chance that He has given!
September 23, 2010
These entried were right after Kyndall was born in January. I was going through Postpartum Depression and trying to be cheerful! I can't tell if it was working or not but I certainly tried. I was feeling miserable about my life at that point. It's kinda hard to go back and read some of the posts. I was just finding out alot of things about what this dude did to my kids....
The transfers begin....
Today I'm going to start transferring things from my MySpace blog to this blog..... Don't worry everything is dated so you'll be able to find your place...
Friday, February 15, 2008
My new daughter....
Current mood: blessed
Category: Life
You know what's amazing to me? How much MORE I could love this girl NOW than when I did when I was carrying her. She was easier to care for when she was INSIDE, you know? All I had to do was eat the right things and drink alot of water. (WHICH I HATE!) Actually, I'm kinda dealing with the same things since I'm nursing her, BUT it still seemed so much easier. I wasn't CONSTANTLY worried about EVERY little thing like I do now. AND one would think that since I've done this before (TWICE), that I wouldn't be so nervous about everything now!
Karson and Kennedy had jaundice, BUT for some reason I freaked out when they told me Kyndall had it too. Maybe it was because they ended up keeping her in the hospital and I couldn't stay with her all the time. When Karson had it, they admitted him too, BUT I was able to stay overnight with him. With Kyndall I had to come, nurse her and then leave her there overnight. I hated that so much, leaving my baby in that HUGE hospital without me! AND then they made it worst when I couldn't nurse her for two days while they fed her formula! I STILL went to the hospital though, I was there for EVERY feeding. 8:00am, 11:00am, 2:00pm, 5:00pm 8:00pm and 11:00pm. I would have to miss the 2:00am and 5:00am feedings but I was RIGHT there for the 8:00am feedings!
This pregnancy and birth has been one of the most trying of my life, but God has seen me through it all. People who I just KNEW would be there for me during all this have been NO WHERE to be found. But I think that God was teaching me some things. He was showing me that the ONLY one I could depend on is HIM! And I've learned to TOTALLY trust in Him. He will help me to raise these children the way He sees fit. I've asked Him to be TOTALLY present in mine and my children's lives. Never again will I heed half-witted advice from people who really have no clue what they're talking about. All children are NOT the same and just because something works for one child doesn't mean that it'll work for all children. ESPECIALLY MINE!!! God has been good to me....
I'm looking forward to my life now. It's as though the ONLY reason I went to Ohio was to get my baby, and all the hell that I went through while I was there PLUS the hell I went through to get her here it's OVER now! I've paid MY price for MY part in the sin. And for that I'm grateful, because even after everything, it could have been MUCH worst.
The kids' fathers'? Well, I was kinda bummed out about that part of it, but NOT anymore. I am all they need, and regardless of what anybody else says or thinks, I'm doing a good job taking care of three children (two special needs) alone. They have everything that they need and most of the things that they want. They have a roof over their heads, utilities, clothing and food. The baby has EVERYTHING! Things have changed SO much. In Ohio all she had was a CAR SEAT! HERE, well my daughter has a crib (A beautiful canopy crib), a bassinet, a stroller, a boppy bouncer, clothing (she'll probably grow out of many of them before she can ever wear them!), bottles (that she REFUSES to suck!) I don't even have the room to tell of God's goodness to my baby. I had to leave so many of my things behind (NOT counting the things I have in storage!) but God has provided! We have a new church, which is wonderful, it reminds me of the church I was going to in Ohio. Elder Waymon Malone, he has been a HUGE blessing to me since I've been home! He calls to check on me and the children constantly and has told me that if I wanna move back there that he would set us up with somewhere to live AND a job! LOL Too funny, right? BUT I don't EVER wanna see Columbus, Ohio ever again! Anyway, I'm done writing for today. Maybe I'll try to write again soon. (If I have the time!)
Dani
September 23, 2010:
To make it less confusing, any LONG blog entries will be in their OWN post. Smaller ones will grouped together according to date. After I finish posting the MySpace entries, I'll continue my story....
Love to all,
Dani
Friday, February 15, 2008
My new daughter....
Current mood: blessed
Category: Life
You know what's amazing to me? How much MORE I could love this girl NOW than when I did when I was carrying her. She was easier to care for when she was INSIDE, you know? All I had to do was eat the right things and drink alot of water. (WHICH I HATE!) Actually, I'm kinda dealing with the same things since I'm nursing her, BUT it still seemed so much easier. I wasn't CONSTANTLY worried about EVERY little thing like I do now. AND one would think that since I've done this before (TWICE), that I wouldn't be so nervous about everything now!
Karson and Kennedy had jaundice, BUT for some reason I freaked out when they told me Kyndall had it too. Maybe it was because they ended up keeping her in the hospital and I couldn't stay with her all the time. When Karson had it, they admitted him too, BUT I was able to stay overnight with him. With Kyndall I had to come, nurse her and then leave her there overnight. I hated that so much, leaving my baby in that HUGE hospital without me! AND then they made it worst when I couldn't nurse her for two days while they fed her formula! I STILL went to the hospital though, I was there for EVERY feeding. 8:00am, 11:00am, 2:00pm, 5:00pm 8:00pm and 11:00pm. I would have to miss the 2:00am and 5:00am feedings but I was RIGHT there for the 8:00am feedings!
This pregnancy and birth has been one of the most trying of my life, but God has seen me through it all. People who I just KNEW would be there for me during all this have been NO WHERE to be found. But I think that God was teaching me some things. He was showing me that the ONLY one I could depend on is HIM! And I've learned to TOTALLY trust in Him. He will help me to raise these children the way He sees fit. I've asked Him to be TOTALLY present in mine and my children's lives. Never again will I heed half-witted advice from people who really have no clue what they're talking about. All children are NOT the same and just because something works for one child doesn't mean that it'll work for all children. ESPECIALLY MINE!!! God has been good to me....
I'm looking forward to my life now. It's as though the ONLY reason I went to Ohio was to get my baby, and all the hell that I went through while I was there PLUS the hell I went through to get her here it's OVER now! I've paid MY price for MY part in the sin. And for that I'm grateful, because even after everything, it could have been MUCH worst.
The kids' fathers'? Well, I was kinda bummed out about that part of it, but NOT anymore. I am all they need, and regardless of what anybody else says or thinks, I'm doing a good job taking care of three children (two special needs) alone. They have everything that they need and most of the things that they want. They have a roof over their heads, utilities, clothing and food. The baby has EVERYTHING! Things have changed SO much. In Ohio all she had was a CAR SEAT! HERE, well my daughter has a crib (A beautiful canopy crib), a bassinet, a stroller, a boppy bouncer, clothing (she'll probably grow out of many of them before she can ever wear them!), bottles (that she REFUSES to suck!) I don't even have the room to tell of God's goodness to my baby. I had to leave so many of my things behind (NOT counting the things I have in storage!) but God has provided! We have a new church, which is wonderful, it reminds me of the church I was going to in Ohio. Elder Waymon Malone, he has been a HUGE blessing to me since I've been home! He calls to check on me and the children constantly and has told me that if I wanna move back there that he would set us up with somewhere to live AND a job! LOL Too funny, right? BUT I don't EVER wanna see Columbus, Ohio ever again! Anyway, I'm done writing for today. Maybe I'll try to write again soon. (If I have the time!)
Dani
September 23, 2010:
To make it less confusing, any LONG blog entries will be in their OWN post. Smaller ones will grouped together according to date. After I finish posting the MySpace entries, I'll continue my story....
Love to all,
Dani
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
OT! Bishop Eddie Long...
Well, I thought that I wrote this blog to speak on what happened to ME while I was living in Ohio, but it turns out that there are other subjects that I want to speak on, so I shall. If you do NOT agree with what I am saying: PLEASE go elsewhere! The internet is HUGE and there are many web-sites that you can visit that WILL say what you'd like to hear. Today, I am going to talk about the Bishop Eddie Long situation.
First a summary:
Within the past few days, two young men came forward and filed lawsuits against Bishop Eddie Long for sexual coercion (among other things), now today a TOTALLY different young man came forward and filed a THIRD suit against him. His lawyers are categorically denying any and all accusations and his church members are denying that their pastor/Bishop committed these deplorable sins.
This is basically all anyone knows about the case, yet many people on Facebook and elsewhere are up in arms about his innocence or guilt. Honestly, I believe the accusations are true. I'm sorry but if you'd read the rest of my blog, you'll understand why I feel this way. After having lived a life not pleasing to God for an entire year, while pretending to be a true Chrisitian, I know that it can and is done. Anyone who is not LYING to themselves knows that all have fallen and come short of the glory of God and it is entirely possible that what these young men said happened REALLY DID happen to them! Everyone is dogging these young men for coming forward BUT what if they are telling the truth? Do you really expect Bishop Long to come out and say, "Yes, I am a perv that took advantage of young boys while climbing the ladder to become a powerful Bishop"? Are his lawyers supposed to say, "Bishop Long is a perv that coerced three, maybe more, boys into having sex with him and he is willing to step forward to apologize and make things right"? What about his parishiners? What should they say? How about, "Our Bishop is a perv who has been molesting boys, yet we love and support him because we are idiots"? It's no to all of the above! Everyone is saying what you would EXPECT them to say in this situation. Bishop Long is most certainly not going to cop to this. He's going to lie!
Now that I've said my piece about how I really feel about the situation, I feel better. I have chosen a side and if I'm wrong, I am. It has nothing to do with me and I really don't care what happens after this. I actually hope that the young men are lying, but I have a sad feeling that they are not. Bishop Long has alot to lose if he confesses, but not as much as if he continues to lie and is caught! People would be more sympathetic if he came forward and said he did it, repented and moved on. BUT if he continues to lie and it's found that these young men are being truthful, many people will find it hard to ever trust him again. I honestly do NOT feel sorry for him, he let himself be put in the postion of being accused. The people I feel for are his WIFE (Yes, I said wife), children (Yes, he has children) and his congregation. These are the people that he is accountable to for his actions. I pray that none of this is true, but if it is, he certainly has alot of blood on his hands.....
First a summary:
Within the past few days, two young men came forward and filed lawsuits against Bishop Eddie Long for sexual coercion (among other things), now today a TOTALLY different young man came forward and filed a THIRD suit against him. His lawyers are categorically denying any and all accusations and his church members are denying that their pastor/Bishop committed these deplorable sins.
This is basically all anyone knows about the case, yet many people on Facebook and elsewhere are up in arms about his innocence or guilt. Honestly, I believe the accusations are true. I'm sorry but if you'd read the rest of my blog, you'll understand why I feel this way. After having lived a life not pleasing to God for an entire year, while pretending to be a true Chrisitian, I know that it can and is done. Anyone who is not LYING to themselves knows that all have fallen and come short of the glory of God and it is entirely possible that what these young men said happened REALLY DID happen to them! Everyone is dogging these young men for coming forward BUT what if they are telling the truth? Do you really expect Bishop Long to come out and say, "Yes, I am a perv that took advantage of young boys while climbing the ladder to become a powerful Bishop"? Are his lawyers supposed to say, "Bishop Long is a perv that coerced three, maybe more, boys into having sex with him and he is willing to step forward to apologize and make things right"? What about his parishiners? What should they say? How about, "Our Bishop is a perv who has been molesting boys, yet we love and support him because we are idiots"? It's no to all of the above! Everyone is saying what you would EXPECT them to say in this situation. Bishop Long is most certainly not going to cop to this. He's going to lie!
Now that I've said my piece about how I really feel about the situation, I feel better. I have chosen a side and if I'm wrong, I am. It has nothing to do with me and I really don't care what happens after this. I actually hope that the young men are lying, but I have a sad feeling that they are not. Bishop Long has alot to lose if he confesses, but not as much as if he continues to lie and is caught! People would be more sympathetic if he came forward and said he did it, repented and moved on. BUT if he continues to lie and it's found that these young men are being truthful, many people will find it hard to ever trust him again. I honestly do NOT feel sorry for him, he let himself be put in the postion of being accused. The people I feel for are his WIFE (Yes, I said wife), children (Yes, he has children) and his congregation. These are the people that he is accountable to for his actions. I pray that none of this is true, but if it is, he certainly has alot of blood on his hands.....
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