Sunday, July 25, 2010
Sidenote....
In case you haven't noticed, I have always referred to Isaiah's "wife" as such. I will not use her name in my blog and will not even make an effort to make up a name for her. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't even warrant a made up name, as even the ugliest name is too good for her/it. I also refer to her as "wife" because Isaiah confided in me that when he was divorcing his first wife that there were several papers that she neglected to sign, so instead of sending them back to her to sign, he forged her signature. According to Kennedy's REAL god-father, who is a lawyer, if ALL papers weren't signed by the correct party, the divorce and any resulting marriages are NOT LEGAL. Therefore she is his "wife".
Saying good-bye.... Then hello....
I had packed everything up, paid everything that needed to be paid, had bye bye dinners with friends and even said good-bye to my church family. My Pastor told me, from the pulpit, that he didn't want me to go. In front of everyone, he told me that I was not making a wise decision but that since he loved me like a daughter, that he would support me. Naomi had called a few days before because she found an apartment that she liked and I had sent the rent and security deposit to them. It was arranged that they would meet me with the keys on October 3, 2006 in front of the apartment. Cable was coming, the phone company would install my phone on the 4th and by the 5th, I would be all settled into my new home. My old house was packed up, had been packed since I returned from Ohio and I was ready to go.
Isaiah was worried about my driving such a large truck to Ohio by myself, he kept asking me was I sure I could make the drive. I felt fine about it but didn't so he decided to catch the bus to Niagara Falls to help me drive back. I paid his bus fare and he arrived on the big day! I was so excited to see him. As soon as we got a moment alone, we kissed and held each other until it was time to go get the truck. I still remember how happy I was to see him again. I couldn't believe that I was actually going to get to ride next to him in the truck for the next SIX hours. When we got to UHaul, they started giving me a hard time about a truck that I had reserved nearly a month before! I was livid, I had PAID for the truck in advance and when we went to get it, it was not there. While Mom and Isaiah were sitting in her car waiting for me, he got a call from his "wife", my mom heard her tell Isaiah that us having a hard time getting the truck was a sign that maybe I shouldn't be coming there! She denied that 'til kingdom come, when I asked her about it. Liar.... Anyway, shortly after her stupid comment, we got a truck! It was HUGE but it was a truck. SO, we went back to the house, packed it up and got ready to leave. Saying good-bye to my mom was difficult. I had to leave her when I left Syracuse to move to Niagara Falls, then I left her again, moving to Ohio. She kissed the kids and told them she would visit soon and if they needed her, to call her. Then she discreetly pulled Isaiah to the side for a brief conference and then off we went!
The drive was longer than it was supposed to be because we were given a junk truck. I know little Miss Insecurity probably thought that we screwed all the way to Ohio but she was WRONG! She was wrong about alot of things.We stopped once, and gassed up twice but the truck was the cause of a 6 hour drive turning into a 9 hour drive. We drove into Ohio at about 10 that night and his "wife" came to pick him up after he parked the truck. He made me come down to the parking lot to hug her, yes he MADE me hug you. I didn't want to, didn't even want to see you. But what he wanted, right? She went and got back in their van and I went back up to the room with Isaiah (he wanted to say good-night to me and the kids.). He kissed me, and told me that he'd see me in the morning. As I lay in the bed with my kids, I sincerely thought I was making a fresh start for us. I prayed that every transition would go smoothly and that I would fulfill whatever purpose I was there to fulfill. Then I fell asleep.....
Isaiah was worried about my driving such a large truck to Ohio by myself, he kept asking me was I sure I could make the drive. I felt fine about it but didn't so he decided to catch the bus to Niagara Falls to help me drive back. I paid his bus fare and he arrived on the big day! I was so excited to see him. As soon as we got a moment alone, we kissed and held each other until it was time to go get the truck. I still remember how happy I was to see him again. I couldn't believe that I was actually going to get to ride next to him in the truck for the next SIX hours. When we got to UHaul, they started giving me a hard time about a truck that I had reserved nearly a month before! I was livid, I had PAID for the truck in advance and when we went to get it, it was not there. While Mom and Isaiah were sitting in her car waiting for me, he got a call from his "wife", my mom heard her tell Isaiah that us having a hard time getting the truck was a sign that maybe I shouldn't be coming there! She denied that 'til kingdom come, when I asked her about it. Liar.... Anyway, shortly after her stupid comment, we got a truck! It was HUGE but it was a truck. SO, we went back to the house, packed it up and got ready to leave. Saying good-bye to my mom was difficult. I had to leave her when I left Syracuse to move to Niagara Falls, then I left her again, moving to Ohio. She kissed the kids and told them she would visit soon and if they needed her, to call her. Then she discreetly pulled Isaiah to the side for a brief conference and then off we went!
The drive was longer than it was supposed to be because we were given a junk truck. I know little Miss Insecurity probably thought that we screwed all the way to Ohio but she was WRONG! She was wrong about alot of things.We stopped once, and gassed up twice but the truck was the cause of a 6 hour drive turning into a 9 hour drive. We drove into Ohio at about 10 that night and his "wife" came to pick him up after he parked the truck. He made me come down to the parking lot to hug her, yes he MADE me hug you. I didn't want to, didn't even want to see you. But what he wanted, right? She went and got back in their van and I went back up to the room with Isaiah (he wanted to say good-night to me and the kids.). He kissed me, and told me that he'd see me in the morning. As I lay in the bed with my kids, I sincerely thought I was making a fresh start for us. I prayed that every transition would go smoothly and that I would fulfill whatever purpose I was there to fulfill. Then I fell asleep.....
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Home....
Jimmy and I had a BALL coming home. I was really quiet at first, because I hadn't really wanted to leave when I did, but it was what was best at the time. Isaiah and I were having a very hard time keeping our feelings to ourselves and if I would have stayed much longer, everyone would have seen what was up! Jimmy made me turn on some music and play DJ while he drove. We listened to everything! Rap, gospel and all, he had no clue that I could sing as well as I do and spent most of the drive asking me why I wasn't rich and famous yet! LOL It was really nice being with him after the pressure of the weekend. It was hard to be around Isaiah's wife, because I knew I was the one that he was supposed to be with, NOT HER! I felt that a man should be with a woman, not another man playing dress-up! She's nice, I guess, in her own country, no make-up wearing, mannish. nightmarish way but she has NOTHING ON ME! Yeah, I said it! When you compare the two of us, I am the best. I am usually not a phony person, but I really had no other choice. He wanted us to get along, so for his sake, I did my best.
The plan to get Jimmy home went off without a hitch and we drove back home, listening to some of the same music I had listened to with Jimmy. I was SO tired when I got back home, so I went to bed and the next day I immediately began to look for someplace to live in Ohio.... COLUMBUS, not Cincinatti.
Now there may be some of you (or all of you), may think I was wrong. Wrong for sleeping with Isaiah, wrong for loving him and wrong for moving to Columbus to be near him. I agree with you, but when you love someone and think that you see a way for the two of you to FINALLY be together, you snatch it. I wasn't thinking about his wife. I was thinking that NOW, after all these years, I have a chance to be with my first love, the one who was meant for me. He married her because she was pregnant, when we talked about marriage, it wasn't about an unplanned pregnancy, it was about being so in love with someone else that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them. Pregnancies would happen, several times, during our relationship but I never held them over his head, never made him choose between his freedom and the life of his child. What kind of desperate woman does that?
Naomi, one of the women in the group, a great soprano and a better friend (at first), sent me classified ads of apartments and when I found some I liked, actually went out and looked at them for me. I had alot of unfinished business in Niagara Falls, I wanted every loose end tied so that I'd be able to leave free and clear. I didn't even want to leave any outstanding bills here. I said good-bye to my choir, my church families and my JOB. Why did I give up so much? Isaiah, with his words and deeds, led me to believe that I was moving to my future, my future with him. He lied about everything.....
The plan to get Jimmy home went off without a hitch and we drove back home, listening to some of the same music I had listened to with Jimmy. I was SO tired when I got back home, so I went to bed and the next day I immediately began to look for someplace to live in Ohio.... COLUMBUS, not Cincinatti.
Now there may be some of you (or all of you), may think I was wrong. Wrong for sleeping with Isaiah, wrong for loving him and wrong for moving to Columbus to be near him. I agree with you, but when you love someone and think that you see a way for the two of you to FINALLY be together, you snatch it. I wasn't thinking about his wife. I was thinking that NOW, after all these years, I have a chance to be with my first love, the one who was meant for me. He married her because she was pregnant, when we talked about marriage, it wasn't about an unplanned pregnancy, it was about being so in love with someone else that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them. Pregnancies would happen, several times, during our relationship but I never held them over his head, never made him choose between his freedom and the life of his child. What kind of desperate woman does that?
Naomi, one of the women in the group, a great soprano and a better friend (at first), sent me classified ads of apartments and when I found some I liked, actually went out and looked at them for me. I had alot of unfinished business in Niagara Falls, I wanted every loose end tied so that I'd be able to leave free and clear. I didn't even want to leave any outstanding bills here. I said good-bye to my choir, my church families and my JOB. Why did I give up so much? Isaiah, with his words and deeds, led me to believe that I was moving to my future, my future with him. He lied about everything.....
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Good-bye Ohio.... For now..
Early the next morning, I thought I was going to get to sleep in, but nope! As sleepy as I still was, (Nothing like a good orgasm, I suppose) he called me and told me to get ready for church. That he would be by to pick me up at about 11am. It was only 8, but I decided to get up anyway. I figured today was my last day with him, and I wanted to look wonderful! PLUS, I wanted to get everything packed up so that I could check out. Packing? Easy. The reason it's so easy is because I don't leave everything lying around, when I'm done with it, I roll it up and put in the bottom of the suitcase which was open on the floor under the vanity. All I really had to do was lay out my outfit for church, take out the day bag, pack the change of clothes for after church and some things for freshening up just in case we had plans and pack up my make-up and other personal things and roll up my curlers and flat irons as I was done using them! There! At 8:15 I was all done packing! LOL Not even a record, I've been done quicker than that before. I opened up my laptop and listened to some music while I hopped in the shower, then I got dressed, finished my hair (which decided to act right after giving me hell all weekend!) and applied my make-up. Since the rental office was about two doors down and Isaiah was on his way, ( he called while I was putting my make-up on) I left the door open and went to check-out. When I got back, he was taking my bags to the car. I went in and did a sweep, making sure that I hadn't left anything. I grabbed my Louis and my laptop and we were out of there. WAIT!! Rewind................there of out were we and laptop my and Louis my grabbed I..... He came back into the room because he said, he just HAD to kiss me. We kissed for few minutes, not long because he was ruining my lip-gloss!! LOL PLUS we had to sit in the car for another five minutes trying to get my glitter off of his lips. Then it was off to church with his family. Church? It was OK, I was too busy trying to pretend like he and I were just friends in front of his "wife" and kids. It was a pretty boring service, with him making me uncomfortable because while I was trying to conceal what we had been doing, he was wearing it all over his face. I distracted myself by looking at what his "wife" was wearing. Wow. It was kind of sad, she was dressed like someone's grandmother. Just like it's possible to dress younger than you are, it's possible to dress older. A tip: If you have an outfit that your mom just love, GIVE IT TO HER! It's too old for you, just right for her. No make-up, whack hair. I just couldn't undestand why she didn't keep herself better. Oh well, it wasn't my place to tell her she looked whack, so I didn't. The kids were cute, the younger ones liked me immediately and I liked them too. Why? Because they were his kids, I loved him and I loved his kids too. If I was fake about liking his "wife", I was never fake about loving those kids.
After church we went to one of his group member's house to have a farewell dinner. For moi? Awwwww, how sweet! It was sweet too, everyone from the group was there and it was then that Isaiah decided to tell everyone that I was moving...... TO COLUMBUS!! What??? Huh??? I never planned to move to Columbus, my JOB was in Cincinatti! Why on earth would I move to Columbus? Where I would have to watch him be married to a woman that I don't even LIKE. To sing in a group that's mediocre at best? Why would I do that when I sing in a B O M B choir, one of the best in New York? To move from that to this, PLUS we never even DISCUSSED this. Why would he make such an announcement without even telling me? All of these things were running through my MIND, but when I opened my mouth all that came out was, "I'll be back in October."
I couldn't believe he put me on the spot like that but when I moved there I saw that it was par for the course. He wasn't running HIS house, so he had to run something, right? Anyway, it was time for me to go home. Home to tell my family that me and the kids were moving to Columbus, OH in ONE MONTH! Wow, right? Jimmy (the musician friend who came from Syracuse to play for GospelFest) needed a ride home so I agreed to take him back with me. The plan was to drive to Niagara Falls (it was closer) to get my mom, Cieyana and Kennedy (Karson was still with his TiTi), then take Jimmy home so that I wouldn't have to drive back alone. First, I had to say good-bye to Isaiah. Not an easy thing to do, this is when I knew I had to come back. At that point, I felt like I needed him, I knew I wouldn't have him as JUST mine, but I was willing to take whatever part of him that I could get. We were trying to figure out a good way to get back to New York, when Isaiah came over and said that he would take us to the thru-way. We thought we were on our way out when I saw that we were going back to his house. He got out of his car and told me to come in, told Jimmy to wait that he had something to give me. He did. He kissed me all over my face, my neck, my lips. Touched my face, my breasts, waist and yes my behind. However, this wasn't about sex, it was about us saying good-bye. I was going to miss him so much, while I stood there I missed him. I wanted to hurry and leave so I could hurry and get back to him. I loved him so much in that moment. I thought I would love him forever.......
After church we went to one of his group member's house to have a farewell dinner. For moi? Awwwww, how sweet! It was sweet too, everyone from the group was there and it was then that Isaiah decided to tell everyone that I was moving...... TO COLUMBUS!! What??? Huh??? I never planned to move to Columbus, my JOB was in Cincinatti! Why on earth would I move to Columbus? Where I would have to watch him be married to a woman that I don't even LIKE. To sing in a group that's mediocre at best? Why would I do that when I sing in a B O M B choir, one of the best in New York? To move from that to this, PLUS we never even DISCUSSED this. Why would he make such an announcement without even telling me? All of these things were running through my MIND, but when I opened my mouth all that came out was, "I'll be back in October."
I couldn't believe he put me on the spot like that but when I moved there I saw that it was par for the course. He wasn't running HIS house, so he had to run something, right? Anyway, it was time for me to go home. Home to tell my family that me and the kids were moving to Columbus, OH in ONE MONTH! Wow, right? Jimmy (the musician friend who came from Syracuse to play for GospelFest) needed a ride home so I agreed to take him back with me. The plan was to drive to Niagara Falls (it was closer) to get my mom, Cieyana and Kennedy (Karson was still with his TiTi), then take Jimmy home so that I wouldn't have to drive back alone. First, I had to say good-bye to Isaiah. Not an easy thing to do, this is when I knew I had to come back. At that point, I felt like I needed him, I knew I wouldn't have him as JUST mine, but I was willing to take whatever part of him that I could get. We were trying to figure out a good way to get back to New York, when Isaiah came over and said that he would take us to the thru-way. We thought we were on our way out when I saw that we were going back to his house. He got out of his car and told me to come in, told Jimmy to wait that he had something to give me. He did. He kissed me all over my face, my neck, my lips. Touched my face, my breasts, waist and yes my behind. However, this wasn't about sex, it was about us saying good-bye. I was going to miss him so much, while I stood there I missed him. I wanted to hurry and leave so I could hurry and get back to him. I loved him so much in that moment. I thought I would love him forever.......
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The big question.....
I know you are asking yourself if I slept with him during the visit. Well, rather than keep you in suspense I'll tell you: No we didn't make love. However, we did other things. We kissed, we made out and did alot of touching but we didn't sleep together that weekend.
Anyway, now that we don't have to talk about that again..... Today! LOL
I had a good night's sleep and a leisurely day at the hotel. I kinda wished I'd kept the rental so I could have gone out and done a little exploring instead of staying inside all day but I did get some things done, made some phone calls that I needed to make and such. Plus I wanted to check on my children and make sure they were OK, since I didn't get to speak with them immediately after I'd gotten in. Isaiah FINALLY called and told me that he was going to come and get me on his lunchbreak so I wouldn't have to sit inside all day so I got dressed and waited for him. He came pulling up about half an hour later with a HUGE smile on his face. I asked why he was smiling like that and he told me that he was just SO happy that I was with me. He came into the room while I finished grabbing my things. We DID make out for a while, but we couldn't do much more because he had to get back to work. He called his "wife" and told her that he was taking me to work with him. He asked if I wanted to go to his house, but I said NO WAY! I didn't really want to spend that much time with her, if I had my way, I wouldn't have seen her the WHOLE weekend! Sorry, but I did say that I was going to be truthful in this blog. While I did have to pretend to like her, I'm not in a position where I have to do it now! Do I like her? No. Did I ever like her? No.
We went to grab something to eat and then we went to his office. While we were there, we fooled around a little bit but not much because he had a few co-workers wandering in and out. We made the labels and cases for his CDs that he planned to sell at GospelFest and put them together. It sounds tedious but you have to understand where I was. I was IN LOVE at that point. Watching PAINT DRY would have been interesting because we were together! We flirted and played around until about 4 pm, after about 3 we were completely alone, so we did take advantage of the situation. We did a little more kissing, some dancing and just being with each other. That was my favorite part, just being with him....
After we left the office, we went to MicroCenter, he needed more supplies for the CDs plus he needed to return something (I never knew what). While he was trapped in customer service, I went to the Apple Store and bought him a surprise. He never even knew I was going to buy it for him! We left MicroCenter and went to get gas and something to drink. After he came out of the gas station, I presented him with his gift: a brand new, black 30GB iPod. He was SO happy, he nearly cried. He wasn't emotional because of the gift, he was emotional because he said that while he was always buying thing to make other people happy, that no one ever really did that for him. He kissed me and just looked at me for a long time. I was thrilled, he told me I was the only woman who really tried to make him happy. We weren't alone for too much more of the day, we were surrounded by group members and musicians and his family but I had that moment all to myself and I was happy about it.
Singing at GospelFest? Well, it was interesting. It wasn't GREAT, but it wasn't horrible either. When you're used to singing with people who can REALLY sing, it's hard to go backward. Think in these terms: How would you feel if you had graduated from college and now someone comes to you and tells you that you have to go back to Kindergarten? Singing has been my life for as long as I can remember and I've been doing it my entire life. I have performed with some of gospel music's greatest, so singing with singers who didn't know much, under the direction of someone who knew less was difficult. But hey! The things you tolerate when you love someone. There were a few red flags as to what I was dealing with while I was there, but I chose to ignore them, after all I had JUST gotten him back into my life and I wasn't going to let anything stop me from being with him. We didn't get to hang out alone that much after we sang. There was always so much activity so we just gave each other eyes every now and then. When we did get a moment, we kissed or hugged, that was usually all there was time for. That night, as he took me to the hotel, we were just riding along chilling out. We stopped by Wal-Mart and when we got back into the car it was raining. He started to take me to the hotel and the rain, the music and the way we kept touching each other's hands made it impossible to drive on. So, I asked him to pull over because I really wanted him at that moment. He did and we kissed and made out for about 20 minutes, we looked around and saw that we were barely off the expressway! He didn't even pull all the way over, that's how anxious we were to touch. We decided that if anything happened, then we didn't want it to happen in the car. It would be better, and safer, if we waited to get back to the hotel. We made it back and soon as the door closed, we were going at it again. I wanted to shower because we had been running around all day so he let me go. When I came out, he had taken his shirt off. He told me that as much as he wanted to make love that there was no time for him to do all that he wanted to do. But he DID want to put me to sleep, and that's exactly what he did.... Bliss....
Anyway, now that we don't have to talk about that again..... Today! LOL
I had a good night's sleep and a leisurely day at the hotel. I kinda wished I'd kept the rental so I could have gone out and done a little exploring instead of staying inside all day but I did get some things done, made some phone calls that I needed to make and such. Plus I wanted to check on my children and make sure they were OK, since I didn't get to speak with them immediately after I'd gotten in. Isaiah FINALLY called and told me that he was going to come and get me on his lunchbreak so I wouldn't have to sit inside all day so I got dressed and waited for him. He came pulling up about half an hour later with a HUGE smile on his face. I asked why he was smiling like that and he told me that he was just SO happy that I was with me. He came into the room while I finished grabbing my things. We DID make out for a while, but we couldn't do much more because he had to get back to work. He called his "wife" and told her that he was taking me to work with him. He asked if I wanted to go to his house, but I said NO WAY! I didn't really want to spend that much time with her, if I had my way, I wouldn't have seen her the WHOLE weekend! Sorry, but I did say that I was going to be truthful in this blog. While I did have to pretend to like her, I'm not in a position where I have to do it now! Do I like her? No. Did I ever like her? No.
We went to grab something to eat and then we went to his office. While we were there, we fooled around a little bit but not much because he had a few co-workers wandering in and out. We made the labels and cases for his CDs that he planned to sell at GospelFest and put them together. It sounds tedious but you have to understand where I was. I was IN LOVE at that point. Watching PAINT DRY would have been interesting because we were together! We flirted and played around until about 4 pm, after about 3 we were completely alone, so we did take advantage of the situation. We did a little more kissing, some dancing and just being with each other. That was my favorite part, just being with him....
After we left the office, we went to MicroCenter, he needed more supplies for the CDs plus he needed to return something (I never knew what). While he was trapped in customer service, I went to the Apple Store and bought him a surprise. He never even knew I was going to buy it for him! We left MicroCenter and went to get gas and something to drink. After he came out of the gas station, I presented him with his gift: a brand new, black 30GB iPod. He was SO happy, he nearly cried. He wasn't emotional because of the gift, he was emotional because he said that while he was always buying thing to make other people happy, that no one ever really did that for him. He kissed me and just looked at me for a long time. I was thrilled, he told me I was the only woman who really tried to make him happy. We weren't alone for too much more of the day, we were surrounded by group members and musicians and his family but I had that moment all to myself and I was happy about it.
Singing at GospelFest? Well, it was interesting. It wasn't GREAT, but it wasn't horrible either. When you're used to singing with people who can REALLY sing, it's hard to go backward. Think in these terms: How would you feel if you had graduated from college and now someone comes to you and tells you that you have to go back to Kindergarten? Singing has been my life for as long as I can remember and I've been doing it my entire life. I have performed with some of gospel music's greatest, so singing with singers who didn't know much, under the direction of someone who knew less was difficult. But hey! The things you tolerate when you love someone. There were a few red flags as to what I was dealing with while I was there, but I chose to ignore them, after all I had JUST gotten him back into my life and I wasn't going to let anything stop me from being with him. We didn't get to hang out alone that much after we sang. There was always so much activity so we just gave each other eyes every now and then. When we did get a moment, we kissed or hugged, that was usually all there was time for. That night, as he took me to the hotel, we were just riding along chilling out. We stopped by Wal-Mart and when we got back into the car it was raining. He started to take me to the hotel and the rain, the music and the way we kept touching each other's hands made it impossible to drive on. So, I asked him to pull over because I really wanted him at that moment. He did and we kissed and made out for about 20 minutes, we looked around and saw that we were barely off the expressway! He didn't even pull all the way over, that's how anxious we were to touch. We decided that if anything happened, then we didn't want it to happen in the car. It would be better, and safer, if we waited to get back to the hotel. We made it back and soon as the door closed, we were going at it again. I wanted to shower because we had been running around all day so he let me go. When I came out, he had taken his shirt off. He told me that as much as he wanted to make love that there was no time for him to do all that he wanted to do. But he DID want to put me to sleep, and that's exactly what he did.... Bliss....
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Oops!
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I DID keep a blog on my MySpace page, however since I don't really spend alot of time there anymore I'm going to start transferring the entries to this blog. I have that one blocked but after two years, I feel it's time people really know what the deal is. Why we aren't friends anymore? Why I REALLY moved? And last but not least, who my daughter's father is.....
A problem easily solved.... By me!!! (My visit to Ohio)
After he left, I assumed that we had gotten this "thing" between us out of our systems and that he would go back to his real life and I would go back to my very busy life. However, that was not really the case. As I wrote in a past blog, even after his wife and family came back from Syracuse he continued to call me as he did when he was alone. I began to ask myself, why isn't his wife more comcerned. I KNOW I would have wondered why, after 13 years apart, my husband NEEDED to talk to another woman constantly. At this point, I thought she was very stupid. There is no way I would have allowed my husband to talk endlessly with another woman, so I figured that he was right in his perception that she wasn't interested in him anymore. She wasn't having sex with him, wasn't showing him any kind of affection and at her OWN admission, doesn't really care for sex. I have a question; Why on EARTH would you marry a man who LOVES sex (AND HE DOES) when you don't? Ladies, if your man loves sex and you could take it or leave it, you may want to rethink your decision to marry him. Otherwise , you will spend your entire marriage getting cheated on. I guarantee it.
He called me at the end of August stressing because his "best" singer, (Not really, but OK) decided at the last possible moment to back out of an extremely important engagement that his group was scheduled for. He started off by hinting that he wished that I could come down just for that engagement to help out. Being very eager to see him again, I agreed to drive over to Ohio for GospelFest. I made arrangements for my children to spend the weekend with my sister and made the 5.5 hour drive with the group's CD playing so I could learn the material on the way. Pretty easy stuff but he thought I needed it.... Whatever.. Anyway, I got there late due to his bad directions! I went to the hotel first and called him to let him know that I made it to town. He sounded relieved, as I don't think that he really thought I was going to come down. When I walked into their rehearsal, he introduced me to his group, several of whom I fell instantly in love with. They were very nice people and made me feel at home, well except for one young lady. She was the only white GIRL in the group, (There was a white dude too) and thought, for some reason that she knew about black music than black PEOPLE did! LOL I found her amusing, figuring I would just deal with her attitude for the weekend and then never see her again after I went back home. Listening to the CD on the way into the city showed me a little of what to expect when I got there. You could tell that no one REALLY knew what they were doing as far as singing in a gospel group! Isaiah directed and ran the sound which seemed to bascially consist of making each microphone as loud as possible! I think he lives by the creed: The Louder The Better because that's all it sounded like. A bunch of noise in half harmony.Now, I am not going to say that he didn't possess some pretty good singers, he did. They just didn't sound GREAT together. His wife CANNOT sing, no not even background and it' PAINFULLY apparent that the only reason she's there is because she is "supoosedly" married to him. Another question: Why do musicians always choose wives that cannot sing and then hire singers? Wouldn't it be more cost-effective to simply marry a woman who doesn't sound like a post operative transvestite (AND looks PRE-OPERATIVE) to sing with you? That first rehearsal was uncomfortable and I spent most of the time fake smiling and acting like I was singing along. As I said before, a few of the singers were genuinely nice people and I am still friends with them to this day, however they need to find another group to sing with if they ever plan to be anything because he's crap and that's all he's going to be. Sorry, but the BIBLE says, if a man doesn't take care of his children that he is WORST than an infidel. God's word not mine....
After rehearsal, we sat around chatting and he wanted me to sing for everyone, however I politely let him know that I am NO trick pony. LOL I did NOT sing. He told his wife that he was going to take me to eat, drive me back to the hotel and that he would be home shortly. I don't think that she or I believed that but I made sure that's exactly what happened! He took me to Popeye's Chicken, which I had been craving forever, and took me back to the hotel. We sat in the car and ate, then went into the hotel room. Did we make love again? No. This time I talked to him for a little while, kissed him and sent him home to his wife. I think that seeing her made me uncomfortable about doing anything with him. But believe me, that feeling only lasted for that one night....
He called me at the end of August stressing because his "best" singer, (Not really, but OK) decided at the last possible moment to back out of an extremely important engagement that his group was scheduled for. He started off by hinting that he wished that I could come down just for that engagement to help out. Being very eager to see him again, I agreed to drive over to Ohio for GospelFest. I made arrangements for my children to spend the weekend with my sister and made the 5.5 hour drive with the group's CD playing so I could learn the material on the way. Pretty easy stuff but he thought I needed it.... Whatever.. Anyway, I got there late due to his bad directions! I went to the hotel first and called him to let him know that I made it to town. He sounded relieved, as I don't think that he really thought I was going to come down. When I walked into their rehearsal, he introduced me to his group, several of whom I fell instantly in love with. They were very nice people and made me feel at home, well except for one young lady. She was the only white GIRL in the group, (There was a white dude too) and thought, for some reason that she knew about black music than black PEOPLE did! LOL I found her amusing, figuring I would just deal with her attitude for the weekend and then never see her again after I went back home. Listening to the CD on the way into the city showed me a little of what to expect when I got there. You could tell that no one REALLY knew what they were doing as far as singing in a gospel group! Isaiah directed and ran the sound which seemed to bascially consist of making each microphone as loud as possible! I think he lives by the creed: The Louder The Better because that's all it sounded like. A bunch of noise in half harmony.Now, I am not going to say that he didn't possess some pretty good singers, he did. They just didn't sound GREAT together. His wife CANNOT sing, no not even background and it' PAINFULLY apparent that the only reason she's there is because she is "supoosedly" married to him. Another question: Why do musicians always choose wives that cannot sing and then hire singers? Wouldn't it be more cost-effective to simply marry a woman who doesn't sound like a post operative transvestite (AND looks PRE-OPERATIVE) to sing with you? That first rehearsal was uncomfortable and I spent most of the time fake smiling and acting like I was singing along. As I said before, a few of the singers were genuinely nice people and I am still friends with them to this day, however they need to find another group to sing with if they ever plan to be anything because he's crap and that's all he's going to be. Sorry, but the BIBLE says, if a man doesn't take care of his children that he is WORST than an infidel. God's word not mine....
After rehearsal, we sat around chatting and he wanted me to sing for everyone, however I politely let him know that I am NO trick pony. LOL I did NOT sing. He told his wife that he was going to take me to eat, drive me back to the hotel and that he would be home shortly. I don't think that she or I believed that but I made sure that's exactly what happened! He took me to Popeye's Chicken, which I had been craving forever, and took me back to the hotel. We sat in the car and ate, then went into the hotel room. Did we make love again? No. This time I talked to him for a little while, kissed him and sent him home to his wife. I think that seeing her made me uncomfortable about doing anything with him. But believe me, that feeling only lasted for that one night....
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Yeah, I'm back.....
Well, here I am! It is now 2010 and it has really taken me this long to decide what I want to talk about. There have been many things that have happened since I last blogged so, I haven't been in a great place to share my experiences while I was still living with the consequences of thos decisions. Transparency? Here I come.
Sooooo.... Hmmm. Trying to remember where I left off. Yeah, OK, we talked on MySpace for a while and then "graduated" to talking on the phone. I'm sure I mentioned that was a huge mistake. However, hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, he would call, even when his family came back. He would call me on his way TO work, while he was AT work and while he was on his way home FROM work. I had never heard so many declarations of love in my life. He was telling me how happy he was that I was, once again, a part of his life. How much he had missed me, and if, for any any reason, he found himself "free" again he would make certain that I was the one he would end up with. Did I believe him? Yes, and here's why; I had no reason to believe, at that point, he would lie to me. I thought of it as a second chance to be with him. Another woman's pregnancy and an overzealous pastor had taken him from me before, but that would never happen again!
As we grew closer, he began to tell me of his situation in depth. He told me about his group, and how they were blowing things up in Columbus. He told me about his marriage, which was OK, using his term. He said that his wife wasn't very sexual and didn't pay alot of attention to him. He felt ignored and unappreciated. I felt bad for him when he said that she treated him like one of their many children and not like the man he felt he should be treated. He said that she was so busy, with other responsibilities that she had taken on, that there was no room in her life for him. He loved me because I would drop everything just to speak with him. I paid attention, I listened when he talked to me. I didn't blow him off for anything, asking him how his day was. I soothed him when he had a rough day, she made the day worst by screaming on him for something she felt he had done wrong. BUT... He couldn't just LEAVE her, after all she had done so much for him. She helped get on his feet when no one else would. That comment bothered me simply because given a chance, I would have helped him with anything! Anyway, on and on he went with his explaination about why he couldn't leave. "She hasn't done anything to me, plus I'm grateful to her." then came the, "She takes great care of me." I was waiting to hear that he loved her but he never said that. I was confused, but quiet about it. If he didn't know how he felt about her, who was I to try and tell him?
In early July of 2006, Isaiah started talking to me more about his group. While he was focusing on that, I was focusing on accepting a job offer in Cincinatti, OH. I was working at an Assemblies of God church as Minister of Music in Buffalo and my pastor came to me with a wonderful opportunity. He told me of a church in Ohio that needed a Minister of Music. It was a larger congregation and I would be working with several of their choirs PLUS starting a choir for the new contemporary services. Perks included were: a car, an apartment at a discounted rent which was owned by the church and a salary of 27,000 a year. Now the salary may not seem like alot of money, but that was for working PART-TIME! 20 hours a week and nothing more. I went to visit for a weekend and was welcomed beyond anything I could have expected! They were surprised to see a black woman but they quickly got over that once I sang for them! I saw the apartment that my children and I would be living in and the car that would be leased to me. WONDERFUL!!! I couldn't wait to move. I had discussed it with my family and they were on board and now the only person I wanted to share it with was Isaiah. When I told him about the move, he was excited. Cincinatti wasn't very far from Columbus so there would be more opportunities to visit. I told him of the perks and he was very impressed, he had no idea that a church would pay someone a salary "just" to do what I do. So, with that I prepared myself to move to Cincinatti. While I was packing up to move to Cincinatti, he was going to Syracuse for a choir workshop that he does yearly. While he was there, we continued to talk daily even if he had to "sneak" away to do it. He loved talking to me, that's what he said , so we talked alot while he was there. His wife decided that she wanted to stay until after the Memorial Day holiday but he had to get back to work. So he rented a car and left early so he could be back at work Monday morning. Well, that's what he told her.... What he neglected to tell her was that he was going to come see me instead of going straight home. It was a last-minute decision on his part. First the plan was for him to catch the bus home, and while he was on layover, I would come over to Buffalo to sit with him until his bus came. He said he would do better than that, he didn't want his first time seeing me to be in a bus station! He called me back, that afternoon and told me he was renting a car and that he would drive to my house but that he would only be able to spend a few hours with me because he had to get back for work. Do I really need to say that he called in? Anyway, he showed up at 3:00am! I had spent the whole day cleaning and getting everything ready for his visit. I knew he would be tired so I changed the sheets on my bed and made sure there were clean towels so he could shower and go to bed. Now, I know it sounds like I was preparing to sleep with him. BUT quite honestly, while I WANTED to, I knew what would happen if I did. I already had strong feelings for him but I was moving to Cincinatti and he was married so making love would make things worst, right? Right! So we shouldn't do that, right? Right!! So, we were responsible and we didn't do anything, right? Wrong! WAIT!! I'm ahead of myself here! He called to let me know that he had just got off of the thru-way and wanted to know where an open store was because he needed to pick up some things. I gave him directions to Tops and he told me he would see me shortly. I was sitting on my porch waiting to see him and just when I thought I would die of suspense, the Toyota Corolla he was driving turned onto my street. I stood up and waved and he stopped and got out. We finally saw each other after nearly 9 years and it was everything I thought it would be. He looked the same, just alot bigger than I remembered and I was alot smaller than he remembered. LOL When he got out of the car, he just looked at me and held me for the longest time standing on my porch. The next thing I knew, we were kissing. We hadn't even spoken yet, but we sure couldn't stop kissing! I was so happy to see him and I PRAYED that my kids wouldn't wake up because I knew then what I wanted to do. He knew what he wanted before I did. He asked me where a store was, remember? Well, he wanted to get condoms, among other things......
Now I know I said I was going to be transparent, but not THAT transparent! I mean, do you REALLY wanna know everything that happened? O.K.!!! Here's the PG-13 version: We kissed, we talked, we kissed some more, we touched each other intimately. Then we got undressed, touched some more, talked some more, made other noises, made love. Then he touched me with his mouth, I touched him with mine, we kissed a whole lot more. We told each other how good it was. We made love again. Used all the condoms.... Good enough?
We got up with the sun and the kids woke up too. He showered and then I did. He got reacquainted with Kenny and met Kars. Said hello to my mom who came down to see him. Then we kissed and said good-bye. We tried to make it fast because it wasn't easy. I didn't want him to go and he didn't want to go. But he had to...
Sooooo.... Hmmm. Trying to remember where I left off. Yeah, OK, we talked on MySpace for a while and then "graduated" to talking on the phone. I'm sure I mentioned that was a huge mistake. However, hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, he would call, even when his family came back. He would call me on his way TO work, while he was AT work and while he was on his way home FROM work. I had never heard so many declarations of love in my life. He was telling me how happy he was that I was, once again, a part of his life. How much he had missed me, and if, for any any reason, he found himself "free" again he would make certain that I was the one he would end up with. Did I believe him? Yes, and here's why; I had no reason to believe, at that point, he would lie to me. I thought of it as a second chance to be with him. Another woman's pregnancy and an overzealous pastor had taken him from me before, but that would never happen again!
As we grew closer, he began to tell me of his situation in depth. He told me about his group, and how they were blowing things up in Columbus. He told me about his marriage, which was OK, using his term. He said that his wife wasn't very sexual and didn't pay alot of attention to him. He felt ignored and unappreciated. I felt bad for him when he said that she treated him like one of their many children and not like the man he felt he should be treated. He said that she was so busy, with other responsibilities that she had taken on, that there was no room in her life for him. He loved me because I would drop everything just to speak with him. I paid attention, I listened when he talked to me. I didn't blow him off for anything, asking him how his day was. I soothed him when he had a rough day, she made the day worst by screaming on him for something she felt he had done wrong. BUT... He couldn't just LEAVE her, after all she had done so much for him. She helped get on his feet when no one else would. That comment bothered me simply because given a chance, I would have helped him with anything! Anyway, on and on he went with his explaination about why he couldn't leave. "She hasn't done anything to me, plus I'm grateful to her." then came the, "She takes great care of me." I was waiting to hear that he loved her but he never said that. I was confused, but quiet about it. If he didn't know how he felt about her, who was I to try and tell him?
In early July of 2006, Isaiah started talking to me more about his group. While he was focusing on that, I was focusing on accepting a job offer in Cincinatti, OH. I was working at an Assemblies of God church as Minister of Music in Buffalo and my pastor came to me with a wonderful opportunity. He told me of a church in Ohio that needed a Minister of Music. It was a larger congregation and I would be working with several of their choirs PLUS starting a choir for the new contemporary services. Perks included were: a car, an apartment at a discounted rent which was owned by the church and a salary of 27,000 a year. Now the salary may not seem like alot of money, but that was for working PART-TIME! 20 hours a week and nothing more. I went to visit for a weekend and was welcomed beyond anything I could have expected! They were surprised to see a black woman but they quickly got over that once I sang for them! I saw the apartment that my children and I would be living in and the car that would be leased to me. WONDERFUL!!! I couldn't wait to move. I had discussed it with my family and they were on board and now the only person I wanted to share it with was Isaiah. When I told him about the move, he was excited. Cincinatti wasn't very far from Columbus so there would be more opportunities to visit. I told him of the perks and he was very impressed, he had no idea that a church would pay someone a salary "just" to do what I do. So, with that I prepared myself to move to Cincinatti. While I was packing up to move to Cincinatti, he was going to Syracuse for a choir workshop that he does yearly. While he was there, we continued to talk daily even if he had to "sneak" away to do it. He loved talking to me, that's what he said , so we talked alot while he was there. His wife decided that she wanted to stay until after the Memorial Day holiday but he had to get back to work. So he rented a car and left early so he could be back at work Monday morning. Well, that's what he told her.... What he neglected to tell her was that he was going to come see me instead of going straight home. It was a last-minute decision on his part. First the plan was for him to catch the bus home, and while he was on layover, I would come over to Buffalo to sit with him until his bus came. He said he would do better than that, he didn't want his first time seeing me to be in a bus station! He called me back, that afternoon and told me he was renting a car and that he would drive to my house but that he would only be able to spend a few hours with me because he had to get back for work. Do I really need to say that he called in? Anyway, he showed up at 3:00am! I had spent the whole day cleaning and getting everything ready for his visit. I knew he would be tired so I changed the sheets on my bed and made sure there were clean towels so he could shower and go to bed. Now, I know it sounds like I was preparing to sleep with him. BUT quite honestly, while I WANTED to, I knew what would happen if I did. I already had strong feelings for him but I was moving to Cincinatti and he was married so making love would make things worst, right? Right! So we shouldn't do that, right? Right!! So, we were responsible and we didn't do anything, right? Wrong! WAIT!! I'm ahead of myself here! He called to let me know that he had just got off of the thru-way and wanted to know where an open store was because he needed to pick up some things. I gave him directions to Tops and he told me he would see me shortly. I was sitting on my porch waiting to see him and just when I thought I would die of suspense, the Toyota Corolla he was driving turned onto my street. I stood up and waved and he stopped and got out. We finally saw each other after nearly 9 years and it was everything I thought it would be. He looked the same, just alot bigger than I remembered and I was alot smaller than he remembered. LOL When he got out of the car, he just looked at me and held me for the longest time standing on my porch. The next thing I knew, we were kissing. We hadn't even spoken yet, but we sure couldn't stop kissing! I was so happy to see him and I PRAYED that my kids wouldn't wake up because I knew then what I wanted to do. He knew what he wanted before I did. He asked me where a store was, remember? Well, he wanted to get condoms, among other things......
Now I know I said I was going to be transparent, but not THAT transparent! I mean, do you REALLY wanna know everything that happened? O.K.!!! Here's the PG-13 version: We kissed, we talked, we kissed some more, we touched each other intimately. Then we got undressed, touched some more, talked some more, made other noises, made love. Then he touched me with his mouth, I touched him with mine, we kissed a whole lot more. We told each other how good it was. We made love again. Used all the condoms.... Good enough?
We got up with the sun and the kids woke up too. He showered and then I did. He got reacquainted with Kenny and met Kars. Said hello to my mom who came down to see him. Then we kissed and said good-bye. We tried to make it fast because it wasn't easy. I didn't want him to go and he didn't want to go. But he had to...
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