OK.... STILL trying to get it all over here so I can delete my MySpace page....
Sep 10, 2008
Current mood: energetic
HEY ALL!!
You know what? I am really digging my life right now! I'm living a life that I never in a million years thought I'd be living! I can go to the bank and withdraw money without even THINKING about it! Today I withdrew $1.000.00 dollars and took my 8 month old shopping for absolutely NO REASON! (Oh, somebody remind me to go get some onesies and socks, I totally forgot!) God has been SO good to me, He could have let me die in my sin, but He was merciful to me and my children!
I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who can sing, JUST LIKE HER MOM! She's a big girl who is doing wonderfully in 5th grade! As a matter of fact, she has become so much more well behaved since we returned from Hell. She's a little lady who's always trying to help me take care of her brother and sister! It looks like the therapy is really helping her AND Karson. They've changed so much since we've been back. And guess what? I don't have to beat them to death! I KNEW it could be done! I KNEW that I didn't have to shame and ridicule them to get them to mind me.
I have a 6 year old son who is my little man. In fact, he's the ONLY man who has never lied to me or hurt me. It's a shame when a 6 year old is more of a man than a 36 year old. That's the best thing, children tell the truth no matter what! Whether you love it or hate it, they always say what's what! He's doing really well in his drum lessons and he LOVES his karate lessons. You can't lock children in the house and expect them to thrive!
And last but CERTAINLY not least, I have a beautiful 8 month old. She's my sweet little heart! I love Kyndall so much sometimes I can't bear it but it has in no way underscored the love I feel for my other babies! These children have bought me through some horrible days and nights! Man, if it weren't for them and the Lord I don't know where I'd be right now!
It feels good to be doing what I want to do, to be going to church where I want to go, to be singing in a ministry that actually has a chance to go somewhere because God really ordained it. Where the leader is a true man of God and not always "booty" hunting. A man who KNOWS how to minister to God's people and not sound awkward and has no Word in him to share with people! It's ONE thing to sound O.K. and have annointing but a totally different thing when you're singing and the only people who feel anything are the people in your group!
It's good to spend MY money the way I want and to not have to worry about someone checking my bank account to see how much he can "borrow" from me KNOWING that I am trying to raise children on my own OR calling my choices dumb just because I'M not used to being without money! I'm used to having money and spending it ANYWAY I CHOOSE! God has always been good to me. And I have NEVER gone without ANYTHING that I needed! He has always made certain that I and my children have never gone without anything!
So anyway, Kyndall and I went shopping today.... AGAIN! We went to The Children's Place, Old Navy (I was disappointed there!), Baby Gap. Osh Kosh, and then we ran through Gymboree and that was all before 1:00pm! Keep in mind now that the mall doesn't open until 10:00am!! LOL Yeah we did ALOT of damage in just three hours! Then we had a lunch break. (I had chinese and Kyndall had breastmilk and pears!) THEN we ran out to Babies'R'Us for onesies, socks, and some of the cutest bibs and shoes EVER! We had a BALL running around today! We mde ANOTHER bank run and went over to FootLocker (for Kennedy and Karson!). I HATE SNEAKERS, but my kids like them SO I guess I'll be buying them for a while! I hope that Kyndall is my girlie girl who doesn't like them because Kennedy LOVES them! We stopped in Stride-Rite for Kyndall's FIRST pre-walker shoes!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! She was measured and EVERYTHING! LOL Kyn and I had SO much fun today! She was kinda cranky 'cause she didn't really get to nap with me snapping her in and out of the car base and onto her stroller and back onto her car base! And it didn't help that we kept getting stopped by people saying how beautiful my baby is, well she IS beautiful! What can I say? I'm just happy that she looks like ME and KARSON! A blessing! LOL I just hope we can do that again soon, I had so mch fun being with my daughter! With her smile, and those beautiful eyes and ALL THAT hair! I love my baby so much and I praise the Lord daily for her! Anyway, thank you for reading about my day with my daughter...... Probably bored the crap outta you but I was excited!!! LOL
God Bless,
Dani and Kyndall
10:05 PM
Saturday, November 27, 2010
HaPpY ThAnKsGiViNg!!!
Yes, yes, yes, I know it is TWO DAYS AFTER Thanksgiving but I really didn't have the time to write at all, what with family and food and fun!! I was thinking of what I could possibly be thankful for. After all, I spend alot of time in this blog complaining about how some loser and his loser family messed up my life. I realized that even in that, I have many things to be thankful for....
1. I am thankful for my life, health and strength, but most of all I am grateful to still be mentally stable after my experience there, after all look what you've done to your "wife's" self-esteem.
2. I am thankful for Kyndall because while I get to see her every day, you don't. I heard the first words, you didn't. I saw the first teeth pop through pink baby gums, you didn't. I got to walk the floor with her during her first fever, you didn't. I have been present at EACH and EVERY doctor's appointment, you haven't. I get to listen to her vocabulary grow each day, you don't. I get to watch her sweet face as she sleeps at night, you don't. I get to hear the sweet bell of sound that is her laughter, you don't. I get to shop 'til I drop, buying her beautiful outfits and dressing her like the princess that she is, you can't afford it. I get to love her, you don't. Finally, I have the privilege of even KNOWING her, whereas, you never will. Your loss.
3. I am thankful that Kennedy if well enough to talk about you without sobbing. She can look at pictures of you without vomitting and has not tried to kill herself because of YOU for over a year now. She is doing well in therapy and while she is still on meds, doesn't think about you and what you did to her anymore.
4. I am thankful that Karson went to the bathroom BY HIMSELF for the first time last Friday. His therapist says that he is healing. Eventually, he won't even remember you and every evil thing that you did will never cross his mind again. One day, he'll sleep through the night without dreaming of your "wife" beating him for no reason OR of your horrible son putting him in a toy chest and sitting on it so he can't get out. One day, he'll be as free mentally from you people as he is physically.
5. I am thankful that even though you choose to continue to lie and hide what you did, God has freed me of it. I am thankful for the strength to step forward and claim my part in the sin so that I could be forgiven. I am thankful that God has forgiven me and that He loved me enough to help me get over you. You will never have the effect you had on me again.....
6. I am thankful for my singing ability and how God will show YOU my reward. He will show me being rewarded for being a woman of my word and never dealing with you again. You will watch me win Sunday's Best! You will watch me sign my first record contract and you will see my CD in stores! However, your ministry will continue to decline until there is no one in your group but people who choose to believe your lies.
7. I am thankful for my supportive family and a mother that even though I tried to shut her out of my life, at YOUR urging, stayed with me even through my sin.She prayed for me and loved me even when I was trying to listen to YOU and dog her. Imagine what would have happened if I had listened to you. I would have NO ONE!
Thanksgiving is just another day for me because I am thankful for the things on my list year-round. God is good to me daily and each morning brings bew mercies from Him.
D
1. I am thankful for my life, health and strength, but most of all I am grateful to still be mentally stable after my experience there, after all look what you've done to your "wife's" self-esteem.
2. I am thankful for Kyndall because while I get to see her every day, you don't. I heard the first words, you didn't. I saw the first teeth pop through pink baby gums, you didn't. I got to walk the floor with her during her first fever, you didn't. I have been present at EACH and EVERY doctor's appointment, you haven't. I get to listen to her vocabulary grow each day, you don't. I get to watch her sweet face as she sleeps at night, you don't. I get to hear the sweet bell of sound that is her laughter, you don't. I get to shop 'til I drop, buying her beautiful outfits and dressing her like the princess that she is, you can't afford it. I get to love her, you don't. Finally, I have the privilege of even KNOWING her, whereas, you never will. Your loss.
3. I am thankful that Kennedy if well enough to talk about you without sobbing. She can look at pictures of you without vomitting and has not tried to kill herself because of YOU for over a year now. She is doing well in therapy and while she is still on meds, doesn't think about you and what you did to her anymore.
4. I am thankful that Karson went to the bathroom BY HIMSELF for the first time last Friday. His therapist says that he is healing. Eventually, he won't even remember you and every evil thing that you did will never cross his mind again. One day, he'll sleep through the night without dreaming of your "wife" beating him for no reason OR of your horrible son putting him in a toy chest and sitting on it so he can't get out. One day, he'll be as free mentally from you people as he is physically.
5. I am thankful that even though you choose to continue to lie and hide what you did, God has freed me of it. I am thankful for the strength to step forward and claim my part in the sin so that I could be forgiven. I am thankful that God has forgiven me and that He loved me enough to help me get over you. You will never have the effect you had on me again.....
6. I am thankful for my singing ability and how God will show YOU my reward. He will show me being rewarded for being a woman of my word and never dealing with you again. You will watch me win Sunday's Best! You will watch me sign my first record contract and you will see my CD in stores! However, your ministry will continue to decline until there is no one in your group but people who choose to believe your lies.
7. I am thankful for my supportive family and a mother that even though I tried to shut her out of my life, at YOUR urging, stayed with me even through my sin.She prayed for me and loved me even when I was trying to listen to YOU and dog her. Imagine what would have happened if I had listened to you. I would have NO ONE!
Thanksgiving is just another day for me because I am thankful for the things on my list year-round. God is good to me daily and each morning brings bew mercies from Him.
D
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Still more from MySpace....
Aug 10, 2008
Current mood: contemplative
It’s all done now.....
Well, for ME anyway.... I was kinda concerned about him, but I thought about all of the things that I had to do on my own and I figure he'll be just fine! And if not, it's really not my affair anymore. She called and tried to go off on me and I must admit I thought it would be MUCH worst. All she really did was try to put some guilt trip on me about all that she had SUPPOSEDLY done for me, when in reality I have done WAY more for her than she has EVER done for me. ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY!
I spoke to my pastor to update him on the siutation today, he told me to be encouraged, that my part in the whole mess is over. It's not my fault that she's just NOW finding out. I asked if maybe I should have tried harder to tell her, he told me NO, that it was NOT MY PLACE to ever tell her. After all, I'm not the one in a relationship with her. I KNEW I was right about that! I'm not gonna bash her, she DOES have a right to be upset, I just hope that she's smart enough to place blame where it belongs and NOT ALL ON ME! Anyway, my pastor told me not to contact them again and that if I REALLY wanted my laptop back that we could just take it to court. But I really don't want to waste another SECOND of my life or another DIME of my money on those people! Hopefully he'll just send me my stuff and we'll be done. But we'll see......
One thing that bothered me though, she said that I came there to get a baby from him! LOL AS IF..... Now, why on EARTH would I purposely get pregnant for someone who had his head so far up her behind that he can't see daylight? Someone who is SO henpecked that he wouldn't even stand up for his OWN sin and claim his OWN child? As much as I love my baby, and was willing to give up ANYTHING for her, even up to my own LIFE. He couldn't even give her an identity. Well, she has one now and God is to be glorified!
I'm done.....
'Night Blog.....
10:45 PM
This one is self-explanatory as well.... The next goes a bit more in-depth.
Sep 4, 2008
Current mood: accomplished
Excerpt from my book...... Let me know what you think!
O.K. So here it is about a month after it all hit the fan and I'm kinda burnin' about a few things! That phone call rings in my head, especially all of the things that she said that she was TOTALLY wrong about;
1. She said that I came there specifically to have a baby for him.
That HAD to be something that he told her to try to absolve himself of any responsibility! Answer this question for me; Why on earth would I PURPOSELY get pregnant for a man who can not take care of the many children that he already has. Someone who is ALWAYS broke and usually had to borrow money FROM ME!!
2. She referred to my baby several times as "that baby" or it!
First of all, that pissed me off more than anything because my baby is a person with a name and a personality. I guess it makes her feel better to dehumanize my baby than to realize that she is a person, a person HER "husband" helped to create! I have never been evil or ugly about any of her kids even though I could have MANY times! But I realized that they are innocents and have NEVER done anything to me,which is what SHE should consider instead of hating my baby because her "husband" can't keep his hands to himself.
3. She said that she "took care" of me?
WHEN? When was I taken care of? The only thing that got "taken care" of was my WALLET when I was around them! I helped with your bills, your grocery, I even paid your phone bill for three months because your "husband" was broke and couldn't afford to keep your phones on! Oh and let's not forget about the money to get the keyboard out of the pawn shop, that money was a LOAN. Guess what? I might as well should have kissed that money before I gave it to him because I never saw it again!
4. She said she never did anything to me.
Oh really? Well, let's talk about the lectures about my children while yours were flunking out of school and getting suspended! How about showing me how to keep my house clean while YOURS looked like a hell-hole. How the only time you ever even TRIED to clean was when you were going to have rehearsal. Going off on me about MY kids and yours weren't under complete control! I can say I never found any dead mice in my bedroom. Talking to me about my finances while your lights and gas were getting cut off! Oh, and how about catching up that 4-5 months of back rent before you tell ANYONE how to handle money?
5.I seduced him?
LOL That was the biggest laugh of all! I can't believe she even went there with me! I guess ALL the women he ever cheated on you with, INCLUDING YOUR VERY OWN COUSIN seduced him. He's so innocent and irresistable to any and all women! Just to let you know, dear heart; Remember that woman you took such relish in telling me that you got rid of, you know the one who was sending him all the dirty e-mails and phone calls. Well, there was a reason; HE SLEPT WITH HER! He told YOU nothing ever happend and you believed him! He met her at a hotel and screwed her! At least that's what he told ME! Who knows though. He might have been lying to me too, that's about the only thing he did well.....
I'm done with that part but now it's time to blow open some of the lies that he told you on me;
1. Remember the time when he told you that I went onto your family's network and took those sensual pictures of him? Well that's NOT TRUE! He actually GAVE me those pictures on a CD. (Which I still have!) He told me that you could NEVER know that I had those pics but what he didn't count on was your nosy self going into MY computer files and finding them!
2. Remember when he told you that he was going to the barber shop at 6:00am so he could get in before anyone else? Not true, love. He was actually at MY house, he would go get his haircut AFTER he spent an hour or two in my bed. This happened SEVERAL times!
3. Remember when he was working for **** and told you that he was going right home after work? He actually came RIGHT to MY house... Ask Cieyana. He woke her up coming in...
4. Remember when he told you that he never came to my house while you were in ******** taking care of your cousin? He lied..... He was at my house whenever he disappeared for any amount of time.
5. He told you that the reason we were so late showing up at that ******* ***'s outing when we took them to Magic Mountain is because I wasn't ready when he came for me? Another lie. That was the day we conceived my baby.
So as you can see. He lied and lied and lied. Over and over again. AND I can't imagine what he told you I did to make you stay with him! Oh, and one more thing;
6. Remember when I came up to help you all sing at ********** and he told you that we hadn't seen each other in years? Lie. He had seen me that week you were at the **** and he left early to stop in Niagara Falls to see me. Oh yeah, and he spent the night with me.
So while he was telling me that he loved you but was in love with me, he was telling you that he loved me but was in love with you! I really hope you hear me. But knowing you with your track record, you'll dismiss all of this because of ONE lie that he comes up with.
Now I have some questions;
1. Is your self-esteem REALLY so low that you will continue to live with a man that has lied to and cheated on you for the last 15 years?
2. Do you really believe that the Lord loves you so little that He would make you stay in a marriage with a man who does not respect you OR marriage?
3. Are you afraid that you can't raise 4 children alone? You might as well be doing that now, you take care of everything anyway, he does nothing.
4. Do you really believe that God ordained your marriage? Or do you know that the only reason he married you is because you told him that you were pregnant and would NOT under any circumstances have another baby without having a husband? He married you for the SAME reason that he married the first psycho, to save his baby's life. Only with you it wasn't that noble, he also wanted to keep you from pressing charges after he raped you.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you're sleeping and someone needs to wake you up.
So that was a part of the first chapter, let me know what you think!
5:34 PM
Current mood: contemplative
It’s all done now.....
Well, for ME anyway.... I was kinda concerned about him, but I thought about all of the things that I had to do on my own and I figure he'll be just fine! And if not, it's really not my affair anymore. She called and tried to go off on me and I must admit I thought it would be MUCH worst. All she really did was try to put some guilt trip on me about all that she had SUPPOSEDLY done for me, when in reality I have done WAY more for her than she has EVER done for me. ESPECIALLY FINANCIALLY!
I spoke to my pastor to update him on the siutation today, he told me to be encouraged, that my part in the whole mess is over. It's not my fault that she's just NOW finding out. I asked if maybe I should have tried harder to tell her, he told me NO, that it was NOT MY PLACE to ever tell her. After all, I'm not the one in a relationship with her. I KNEW I was right about that! I'm not gonna bash her, she DOES have a right to be upset, I just hope that she's smart enough to place blame where it belongs and NOT ALL ON ME! Anyway, my pastor told me not to contact them again and that if I REALLY wanted my laptop back that we could just take it to court. But I really don't want to waste another SECOND of my life or another DIME of my money on those people! Hopefully he'll just send me my stuff and we'll be done. But we'll see......
One thing that bothered me though, she said that I came there to get a baby from him! LOL AS IF..... Now, why on EARTH would I purposely get pregnant for someone who had his head so far up her behind that he can't see daylight? Someone who is SO henpecked that he wouldn't even stand up for his OWN sin and claim his OWN child? As much as I love my baby, and was willing to give up ANYTHING for her, even up to my own LIFE. He couldn't even give her an identity. Well, she has one now and God is to be glorified!
I'm done.....
'Night Blog.....
10:45 PM
This one is self-explanatory as well.... The next goes a bit more in-depth.
Sep 4, 2008
Current mood: accomplished
Excerpt from my book...... Let me know what you think!
O.K. So here it is about a month after it all hit the fan and I'm kinda burnin' about a few things! That phone call rings in my head, especially all of the things that she said that she was TOTALLY wrong about;
1. She said that I came there specifically to have a baby for him.
That HAD to be something that he told her to try to absolve himself of any responsibility! Answer this question for me; Why on earth would I PURPOSELY get pregnant for a man who can not take care of the many children that he already has. Someone who is ALWAYS broke and usually had to borrow money FROM ME!!
2. She referred to my baby several times as "that baby" or it!
First of all, that pissed me off more than anything because my baby is a person with a name and a personality. I guess it makes her feel better to dehumanize my baby than to realize that she is a person, a person HER "husband" helped to create! I have never been evil or ugly about any of her kids even though I could have MANY times! But I realized that they are innocents and have NEVER done anything to me,which is what SHE should consider instead of hating my baby because her "husband" can't keep his hands to himself.
3. She said that she "took care" of me?
WHEN? When was I taken care of? The only thing that got "taken care" of was my WALLET when I was around them! I helped with your bills, your grocery, I even paid your phone bill for three months because your "husband" was broke and couldn't afford to keep your phones on! Oh and let's not forget about the money to get the keyboard out of the pawn shop, that money was a LOAN. Guess what? I might as well should have kissed that money before I gave it to him because I never saw it again!
4. She said she never did anything to me.
Oh really? Well, let's talk about the lectures about my children while yours were flunking out of school and getting suspended! How about showing me how to keep my house clean while YOURS looked like a hell-hole. How the only time you ever even TRIED to clean was when you were going to have rehearsal. Going off on me about MY kids and yours weren't under complete control! I can say I never found any dead mice in my bedroom. Talking to me about my finances while your lights and gas were getting cut off! Oh, and how about catching up that 4-5 months of back rent before you tell ANYONE how to handle money?
5.I seduced him?
LOL That was the biggest laugh of all! I can't believe she even went there with me! I guess ALL the women he ever cheated on you with, INCLUDING YOUR VERY OWN COUSIN seduced him. He's so innocent and irresistable to any and all women! Just to let you know, dear heart; Remember that woman you took such relish in telling me that you got rid of, you know the one who was sending him all the dirty e-mails and phone calls. Well, there was a reason; HE SLEPT WITH HER! He told YOU nothing ever happend and you believed him! He met her at a hotel and screwed her! At least that's what he told ME! Who knows though. He might have been lying to me too, that's about the only thing he did well.....
I'm done with that part but now it's time to blow open some of the lies that he told you on me;
1. Remember the time when he told you that I went onto your family's network and took those sensual pictures of him? Well that's NOT TRUE! He actually GAVE me those pictures on a CD. (Which I still have!) He told me that you could NEVER know that I had those pics but what he didn't count on was your nosy self going into MY computer files and finding them!
2. Remember when he told you that he was going to the barber shop at 6:00am so he could get in before anyone else? Not true, love. He was actually at MY house, he would go get his haircut AFTER he spent an hour or two in my bed. This happened SEVERAL times!
3. Remember when he was working for **** and told you that he was going right home after work? He actually came RIGHT to MY house... Ask Cieyana. He woke her up coming in...
4. Remember when he told you that he never came to my house while you were in ******** taking care of your cousin? He lied..... He was at my house whenever he disappeared for any amount of time.
5. He told you that the reason we were so late showing up at that ******* ***'s outing when we took them to Magic Mountain is because I wasn't ready when he came for me? Another lie. That was the day we conceived my baby.
So as you can see. He lied and lied and lied. Over and over again. AND I can't imagine what he told you I did to make you stay with him! Oh, and one more thing;
6. Remember when I came up to help you all sing at ********** and he told you that we hadn't seen each other in years? Lie. He had seen me that week you were at the **** and he left early to stop in Niagara Falls to see me. Oh yeah, and he spent the night with me.
So while he was telling me that he loved you but was in love with me, he was telling you that he loved me but was in love with you! I really hope you hear me. But knowing you with your track record, you'll dismiss all of this because of ONE lie that he comes up with.
Now I have some questions;
1. Is your self-esteem REALLY so low that you will continue to live with a man that has lied to and cheated on you for the last 15 years?
2. Do you really believe that the Lord loves you so little that He would make you stay in a marriage with a man who does not respect you OR marriage?
3. Are you afraid that you can't raise 4 children alone? You might as well be doing that now, you take care of everything anyway, he does nothing.
4. Do you really believe that God ordained your marriage? Or do you know that the only reason he married you is because you told him that you were pregnant and would NOT under any circumstances have another baby without having a husband? He married you for the SAME reason that he married the first psycho, to save his baby's life. Only with you it wasn't that noble, he also wanted to keep you from pressing charges after he raped you.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you're sleeping and someone needs to wake you up.
So that was a part of the first chapter, let me know what you think!
5:34 PM
OK..... Going BACK to MySpace to transfer......
Mar 10, 2008
Current mood: blessed
Introducing Kyndall....
Well, after weeks of waiting, I am finally introducing my baby girl to MySpace BUT for 24 hours ONLY! There are people that I REALLY don't want to see her! SO, I am only leaving them up for 24 hours. That should give my friends time to see her and then no one can say that I never gave them a chance to see her!
Last week Kyndall had a cold!!! Talk about me freaking out, I mean I sat with her ALL NIGHT LONG!!! Listening to every sneeze, every sniffle, every little cough. Then there were the nights that she didn't want to eat because she couldn't breathe through her little nose...I know....Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.. Poor thing was miserable, BUT Glory Be To God, she's all done with it now! I'm so happy that she's feeling better now. AND nursing up a STORM!!! LOL Yeah, she's back to her usual GREEDY little self! Believe me when I say though, I am NOT complaining. I'd rather have her greedy and well any day!
Kennedy and Karson are doing better too, Karson is getting over his allergies SO he's back to getting into EVERYTHING! Kennedy is loving school and even though she was sick, she didn't wanna stay home from school. When I was her age if I got sick I WANTED to stay home. My mom used to spoil me SO badly when I was home sick! Did anyone else's mom make a bed for you on the couch and feed you soup, crackers, ginger ale and popsicles in between your LONG naps? Does anyone else remember watching The Price Is Right and then your mom's soap operas? My mom was into Guiding Light and The Young And The Restless!!! LOL I didn't feel good those days BUT it was always made me feel better to be with my mom. I used to look forward to being sick sometimes because I knew what it meant, being with mom all day and having all of her attention to myself! Anyway, I'm gonna go now before I start getting misty eyed remembering those days! Later...
Dani
7:39 PM
This post was written while I was still speaking to Isaiah and I didn't really want him or anyone in his family peering at pics of my daughter trying to spot a resemblance.
Jun 13, 2008
Current mood: adored
Hey!!
Do you know how it feels to be FIRST in a man's life? Do you know how it feels to have a man that is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY in love with JUST YOU? Do you know what it's like to not have to hear constant complaints and judgements about YOUR life from people who can't even keep THEIR lives together? How about getting house-cleaning advice from someone who doesn't keep their OWN house clean on the regular? How about having money that YOU earned and are able to spend the way YOU want to spend it without someone else telling you how to spend it when THEY could use a few lessons on how to manage money? Isn't it precious to be able to raise THREE children ALONE and still do better than a household that actually has TWO parents? How about never having to look up and find that the lights, gas and/or water has been shut off?
Sorry about all that, I just had to vent for a few minutes! AND now that I'm done I will not mention any of that anymore! There's no need, just because I have decided to move on and forgive the things that have been done to me. I feel like if the Lord can forgive me, I should be able to forgive the people who wronged me.
Anyway, life is good these days. God has blessed me immensely and I really have no complaints! I am getting ready to MOVE!!! I am going to Atlanta, GA where I think I'll have a better chance of getting my ministry off the ground! I'm ready for the Lord to use me in a mighty way and am preparing myself for whatever He wants me to do!
The kids? Well, they're doing just GREAT! Kennedy, Karson and Kyndall are growing and getting more and more beautiful as the days go by! Kennedy is turning into a little lady who cares more about her appearance and now REFUSES to leave the house without lipgloss!! LOL Yes, the rest of her has to be together too! Her hair, her outfit..... Wait! She's turning out just like ME!!! LOL Now that the baby is here and I'm back to my fly and fashionable self, I don't leave the house looking crazy anymore! Karson is doing WAY better, he's a little man who is in love with his baby sister! I mean, all he wants to do is stare at her or hold her. And if she's crying, he comes and tells me "Mommie, hurry up and get Candle (That's what he calls her!), she needs you!" He wants to help me bathe her and dress her. It's really sweet how close he is to her. I hope that all of them remain close to each other. Kyndall? Well, what can I say about my other little lady? LOL She has changed SO much! I have made some decisions concerning her. I have decided to STOP contacting her "father" about her. If he was really all that concerned about her, he would find a way to help me with her! Now, I don't NEED his help, nor do I want anything from him! I have made sure that Kyndall has had everything that she needs...... Including a father!!! LOL She has all she needs, and I don't think it's fair to keep him apprised of what's happening in her life when he's not apart of it! So, I'm done with that! I'm over him and being abandoned by him and I refuse to allow my daughter to go through being second best to his other kids! SO, she has a man in her life who treats her Kennedy and Karson like they're his own biological children! He wants to MARRY me, and have other children with me! He wants to ADOPT Kennedy, Karson AND Kyndall! And I have decided to allow him to do so! Kennedy and Karson's father has agreed to give up his paternal rights. AND Kyndall? Well since her donor couldn't be bothered to sign her birth certificate, we don't have to worry about that!!!
So, while YOU'RE raising someone else's daughter and can't be bothered with your OWN blood, someone else will be raising Kyndall! Hope it's worth it to you! Have a great life being henpecked and controlled!!
Dani
2:55 PM
This post says it all.....
Current mood: blessed
Introducing Kyndall....
Well, after weeks of waiting, I am finally introducing my baby girl to MySpace BUT for 24 hours ONLY! There are people that I REALLY don't want to see her! SO, I am only leaving them up for 24 hours. That should give my friends time to see her and then no one can say that I never gave them a chance to see her!
Last week Kyndall had a cold!!! Talk about me freaking out, I mean I sat with her ALL NIGHT LONG!!! Listening to every sneeze, every sniffle, every little cough. Then there were the nights that she didn't want to eat because she couldn't breathe through her little nose...I know....Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.. Poor thing was miserable, BUT Glory Be To God, she's all done with it now! I'm so happy that she's feeling better now. AND nursing up a STORM!!! LOL Yeah, she's back to her usual GREEDY little self! Believe me when I say though, I am NOT complaining. I'd rather have her greedy and well any day!
Kennedy and Karson are doing better too, Karson is getting over his allergies SO he's back to getting into EVERYTHING! Kennedy is loving school and even though she was sick, she didn't wanna stay home from school. When I was her age if I got sick I WANTED to stay home. My mom used to spoil me SO badly when I was home sick! Did anyone else's mom make a bed for you on the couch and feed you soup, crackers, ginger ale and popsicles in between your LONG naps? Does anyone else remember watching The Price Is Right and then your mom's soap operas? My mom was into Guiding Light and The Young And The Restless!!! LOL I didn't feel good those days BUT it was always made me feel better to be with my mom. I used to look forward to being sick sometimes because I knew what it meant, being with mom all day and having all of her attention to myself! Anyway, I'm gonna go now before I start getting misty eyed remembering those days! Later...
Dani
7:39 PM
This post was written while I was still speaking to Isaiah and I didn't really want him or anyone in his family peering at pics of my daughter trying to spot a resemblance.
Jun 13, 2008
Current mood: adored
Hey!!
Do you know how it feels to be FIRST in a man's life? Do you know how it feels to have a man that is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY in love with JUST YOU? Do you know what it's like to not have to hear constant complaints and judgements about YOUR life from people who can't even keep THEIR lives together? How about getting house-cleaning advice from someone who doesn't keep their OWN house clean on the regular? How about having money that YOU earned and are able to spend the way YOU want to spend it without someone else telling you how to spend it when THEY could use a few lessons on how to manage money? Isn't it precious to be able to raise THREE children ALONE and still do better than a household that actually has TWO parents? How about never having to look up and find that the lights, gas and/or water has been shut off?
Sorry about all that, I just had to vent for a few minutes! AND now that I'm done I will not mention any of that anymore! There's no need, just because I have decided to move on and forgive the things that have been done to me. I feel like if the Lord can forgive me, I should be able to forgive the people who wronged me.
Anyway, life is good these days. God has blessed me immensely and I really have no complaints! I am getting ready to MOVE!!! I am going to Atlanta, GA where I think I'll have a better chance of getting my ministry off the ground! I'm ready for the Lord to use me in a mighty way and am preparing myself for whatever He wants me to do!
The kids? Well, they're doing just GREAT! Kennedy, Karson and Kyndall are growing and getting more and more beautiful as the days go by! Kennedy is turning into a little lady who cares more about her appearance and now REFUSES to leave the house without lipgloss!! LOL Yes, the rest of her has to be together too! Her hair, her outfit..... Wait! She's turning out just like ME!!! LOL Now that the baby is here and I'm back to my fly and fashionable self, I don't leave the house looking crazy anymore! Karson is doing WAY better, he's a little man who is in love with his baby sister! I mean, all he wants to do is stare at her or hold her. And if she's crying, he comes and tells me "Mommie, hurry up and get Candle (That's what he calls her!), she needs you!" He wants to help me bathe her and dress her. It's really sweet how close he is to her. I hope that all of them remain close to each other. Kyndall? Well, what can I say about my other little lady? LOL She has changed SO much! I have made some decisions concerning her. I have decided to STOP contacting her "father" about her. If he was really all that concerned about her, he would find a way to help me with her! Now, I don't NEED his help, nor do I want anything from him! I have made sure that Kyndall has had everything that she needs...... Including a father!!! LOL She has all she needs, and I don't think it's fair to keep him apprised of what's happening in her life when he's not apart of it! So, I'm done with that! I'm over him and being abandoned by him and I refuse to allow my daughter to go through being second best to his other kids! SO, she has a man in her life who treats her Kennedy and Karson like they're his own biological children! He wants to MARRY me, and have other children with me! He wants to ADOPT Kennedy, Karson AND Kyndall! And I have decided to allow him to do so! Kennedy and Karson's father has agreed to give up his paternal rights. AND Kyndall? Well since her donor couldn't be bothered to sign her birth certificate, we don't have to worry about that!!!
So, while YOU'RE raising someone else's daughter and can't be bothered with your OWN blood, someone else will be raising Kyndall! Hope it's worth it to you! Have a great life being henpecked and controlled!!
Dani
2:55 PM
This post says it all.....
Friday, November 19, 2010
Changed the name....
SO, you've probably noticed that I changed the blog's name. It still IS about my life and the experiences that I've lived through. It's still about what happened to me from October 3, 2006- November 3, 2007. I'll still be talking about how that my life here is still affected by my life there.
The children will only be mentioned when it is absolutely necessary. I do not wish to exploit my kids, if you read this blog it will be because you are interested, for whatever reason, in what I have to say. If you don't LIKE my blog, I don't know what to tell you, other than to visit another page! The internet is a HUGE world and there is really no reason for you to torture yourself by staying on a page and reading a blog that you don't want to read. Anyway, as more becomes revealed, I hope that I don't scare you away. I hope that you can read this blog and see the woman I was and the woman that I became as a result of my experiences..... God Bless, and you pray for me as I pray for you.....
The children will only be mentioned when it is absolutely necessary. I do not wish to exploit my kids, if you read this blog it will be because you are interested, for whatever reason, in what I have to say. If you don't LIKE my blog, I don't know what to tell you, other than to visit another page! The internet is a HUGE world and there is really no reason for you to torture yourself by staying on a page and reading a blog that you don't want to read. Anyway, as more becomes revealed, I hope that I don't scare you away. I hope that you can read this blog and see the woman I was and the woman that I became as a result of my experiences..... God Bless, and you pray for me as I pray for you.....
Thursday, November 18, 2010
You know what?
Greetings.....
I was reading a blog today and I realized that while there are many blogs out there that are for the women that have been cheated on, there aren't very many (if any) for those of us who cheated WITH the man. I know why. It's because there's a stigma of "the other woman". Well, I'd like to break that stigma. All "other women" are not whores, sluts or tramps. Some are simply women, like myself, who were lied to and made to believe that one thing was true when it wasn't. Those of us whose feelings were taken advantage of and then trampled. All of us are not waiting at home in skimpy lingerie, in full make-up, with sweetly frangranced skin, lying in wait for YOUR husband. We are not all out stalking him, and constantly calling him to come over to make love to us. Sure, there are some women who fall into that category, BUT all of us don't. There are some, like me, who are pursued by YOUR man with an intensity that would frighten you if you knew about it. Some of us, like me, are living our own lives when YOUR man stops by and under the guise of friendship comes to MY house, pins me against the refrigerator and kisses ME. I was sleeping on several different occassions when YOUR "husband" snuck into MY house with the key that was supposed to be safely on YOUR key chain, climbed into my bed and was inside of me before I knew it, smiling like he was supposed to be there. With NO CONDOM on, telling me how much better I felt than YOU do.
These are the women that need to be represented. There are women who seek out married men, I am not talking about those women. I am talking about the women that would have NO access to YOUR man if he didn't make himself accessible. I lived in Ohio for a YEAR. I didn't know the area, didn't have a car. AND I can't think of ONE time when I asked him to come to me, and yet he always did. Yet, you blame me. You call me the whore. There is a whore involved, but sweetheart, you're married to him. You choose to be. He came to me after making up lies for you. He told you he was going to get a haircut at 6 in the morning. YOU believed him. Yet, by 6am, he was in my bed, scaring me because I didn't expect him to be there. I can be blamed for not saying no, but who wants to say no to the man they love? Yes I did love him. I actually loved him before YOU did, loved him longer and harder that you can ever imagine. Yet, even as he ran to my bed, he runs away from the responsibility of the daughter that we made together. Even as now his "focus" is you, he used to focus on me in the same way, when he was begging me to let him come inside me. Inside ME, where he KNEW he wasn't supposed to be. I am embarassed that I ever let me touch me in such an intimate way. Ashamed that he's SO embarassed of acts that he was SO proud of that he blames ME for "drugging" him. Finally, I am sad that he's denying the daughter that you couldn't give him, the daughter that he said he wanted more than anything. The one I gave him.
That hurts more than anything......
I was reading a blog today and I realized that while there are many blogs out there that are for the women that have been cheated on, there aren't very many (if any) for those of us who cheated WITH the man. I know why. It's because there's a stigma of "the other woman". Well, I'd like to break that stigma. All "other women" are not whores, sluts or tramps. Some are simply women, like myself, who were lied to and made to believe that one thing was true when it wasn't. Those of us whose feelings were taken advantage of and then trampled. All of us are not waiting at home in skimpy lingerie, in full make-up, with sweetly frangranced skin, lying in wait for YOUR husband. We are not all out stalking him, and constantly calling him to come over to make love to us. Sure, there are some women who fall into that category, BUT all of us don't. There are some, like me, who are pursued by YOUR man with an intensity that would frighten you if you knew about it. Some of us, like me, are living our own lives when YOUR man stops by and under the guise of friendship comes to MY house, pins me against the refrigerator and kisses ME. I was sleeping on several different occassions when YOUR "husband" snuck into MY house with the key that was supposed to be safely on YOUR key chain, climbed into my bed and was inside of me before I knew it, smiling like he was supposed to be there. With NO CONDOM on, telling me how much better I felt than YOU do.
These are the women that need to be represented. There are women who seek out married men, I am not talking about those women. I am talking about the women that would have NO access to YOUR man if he didn't make himself accessible. I lived in Ohio for a YEAR. I didn't know the area, didn't have a car. AND I can't think of ONE time when I asked him to come to me, and yet he always did. Yet, you blame me. You call me the whore. There is a whore involved, but sweetheart, you're married to him. You choose to be. He came to me after making up lies for you. He told you he was going to get a haircut at 6 in the morning. YOU believed him. Yet, by 6am, he was in my bed, scaring me because I didn't expect him to be there. I can be blamed for not saying no, but who wants to say no to the man they love? Yes I did love him. I actually loved him before YOU did, loved him longer and harder that you can ever imagine. Yet, even as he ran to my bed, he runs away from the responsibility of the daughter that we made together. Even as now his "focus" is you, he used to focus on me in the same way, when he was begging me to let him come inside me. Inside ME, where he KNEW he wasn't supposed to be. I am embarassed that I ever let me touch me in such an intimate way. Ashamed that he's SO embarassed of acts that he was SO proud of that he blames ME for "drugging" him. Finally, I am sad that he's denying the daughter that you couldn't give him, the daughter that he said he wanted more than anything. The one I gave him.
That hurts more than anything......
Lately....
Now I am still switching posts from my MySpace blog to this one, however I will take a break today to let you know what's been going on as of late. Now if you've been keeping up, you'll remember that while I have been quite verbal about my situation in my journals and blogs that I have been very quiet about it in my personal life. So, imagine my surprise when I found out that not only was Isaiah denying that he was my baby's father, but he is also denying that he ever willingly slept with me!!!
My good friend, Whit and I started discussing what happened to me in Ohio shortly after I got back to Niagara Falls. She told me that it was being said that I was pregnant and in sin, having had sex with several different men. I had decided within myself never to tell anyone what happened to me, I was content just to be quiet and let the Lord have His way in the situation, however I could NOT sit back and let them lie on me like that. SO, I told her what really happened. I told her everything, I was as transparent as can be and I held nothing back. Now I knew that the more I spoke, the more I was making myself look like a not so very nice girl, BUT I wasn't going to lie FOR him anymore. At that point, I still loved him but I had to heed my Pastor's advice and stop lying about the situation to people. ESPECIALLY people that I consider my friends. This all happened while Kyn was an infant so after not having heard from Whitney for a while, I thought that what I said was too much for her and that she wasn't speaking to me either. It was easy for me to believe that because everyone else had turned their backs on me. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Whitney and I found each other on Facebook and she asked me if things were the same between Isaiah and I. I told her yes, that I had not spoken to him since July of 2008. It was then that he made some "godly quote" on his Facebook page. When Whitney saw that, she got really irritated and wrote him a letter. She wrote it, but wouldn't send it for a few weeks because she wanted to make sure that I was OK with it. I will post some of it after I ask her for permission. Anyway, in the letter she basically tells him what she knows and that it disgusts her that he isn't trying to help me. She also shared my story with another friend of mine, one that I thought I'd lost named Dana. Dana wrote me immediately and apologized for believing the things they told her about me! NOW, all along, for THREE years, I am not saying anything about these people. People knew that my daughter's father was married to someone else BUT I didn't pull his name into anything. I took the WHOLE load alone. But while I was taking the high road, they were LYING on me to people, people who believed them and sadly, people who I thought were my friends.
So when Dana told me what they told her about me, I told her the truth also! I was NOT going to continue to be quiet when they weren't. After I told her, she quit the group! I never thought she'd believe me, much less leave the group. BUT I guess when the Lord touches someone's heart to believe you when you share truth, there's nothing that the lying party can do. Next, I was told that one of his group members was telling people that I drugged him. That the woman he lives with was telling people that she tried to reach out to me to talk (NOT TRUE), and that she asked me for a DNA test (AGAIN, NOT TRUE). She also told Isaiah that when she called me that I cussed her out, called her and Isaiah all types of names and made the situation worst. That was a HUGE lie because I never even got a chance to really talk. She was screaming and when she was done screaming, she hung up on me. It turns out that the years that they lived together have turned her into a great liar as well.
I have consented to confronting them via speaker phone, but he can't and won't face me. He will continue to lie and hide behind the real man of his "family". I had consented to the DNA test that was just bought up, BUT I have changed my mind. I have thought about it and I really don't see the advantage to it. He will never be in her life and he's struggling to take care of the people that he lives with, why should I expect him to take care of MY child, when I am doing a great job ON MY OWN? I am NOT struggling, my lights and gas are ALWAYS on, my cable is never shut off, my fridge is FULL of food and my rent is up to date. I'm positive that he cannot say the same. My children all have clothing, in their sizes, none of which were purchased BY someone else or from the thrift shop! Kyndall has pampers, wipes and everything else she needs. I will not wonder and worry about MY children's Christmas, as they will receive everything that are on their lists! My house is clean, thanks in part to the maid that comes every Thursday to clean what I don't have time to clean while I am working FULL-TIME and going to school for my BS in Health Administration. Kennedy and I work out 5 times a week, while Kyndall and Karson enjoy the other activities at the gym! I am singing again and I have a testimony about how God can love you even after your mess, if only you repent and walk in deliverance. You can't be delivered and STILL lying. Deliverance comes out of truth and I see now that he still doesn't know what that is. It's really sad that a 40 year old woman and a 38 year old man don't know how to live truth. That they continue to lie and hide behind a sin and yet believe that their "ministry" will prosper. I wonder if they know how selfish they're being by allowing people to sleep in that bear trap with them? They have some really talented people in their group who are trying to live right, but are being taught to spread lies about a situation that they know nothing about. Do they realize the danger that they have placed not only their souls in, but also the people who trust him to lead them? That's the part that is the most upsetting. They know the sin, and are walking in it knowingly but those other people know nothing. They are sinning and have no idea but they are still accountable because instead of taking Isaiah at face value, they should pray and ask the Lord for answers....
Oh well, whatcha gonna do? People believe what they want and NEED to believe......
More later... I promise....
My good friend, Whit and I started discussing what happened to me in Ohio shortly after I got back to Niagara Falls. She told me that it was being said that I was pregnant and in sin, having had sex with several different men. I had decided within myself never to tell anyone what happened to me, I was content just to be quiet and let the Lord have His way in the situation, however I could NOT sit back and let them lie on me like that. SO, I told her what really happened. I told her everything, I was as transparent as can be and I held nothing back. Now I knew that the more I spoke, the more I was making myself look like a not so very nice girl, BUT I wasn't going to lie FOR him anymore. At that point, I still loved him but I had to heed my Pastor's advice and stop lying about the situation to people. ESPECIALLY people that I consider my friends. This all happened while Kyn was an infant so after not having heard from Whitney for a while, I thought that what I said was too much for her and that she wasn't speaking to me either. It was easy for me to believe that because everyone else had turned their backs on me. Anyway, a few weeks ago, Whitney and I found each other on Facebook and she asked me if things were the same between Isaiah and I. I told her yes, that I had not spoken to him since July of 2008. It was then that he made some "godly quote" on his Facebook page. When Whitney saw that, she got really irritated and wrote him a letter. She wrote it, but wouldn't send it for a few weeks because she wanted to make sure that I was OK with it. I will post some of it after I ask her for permission. Anyway, in the letter she basically tells him what she knows and that it disgusts her that he isn't trying to help me. She also shared my story with another friend of mine, one that I thought I'd lost named Dana. Dana wrote me immediately and apologized for believing the things they told her about me! NOW, all along, for THREE years, I am not saying anything about these people. People knew that my daughter's father was married to someone else BUT I didn't pull his name into anything. I took the WHOLE load alone. But while I was taking the high road, they were LYING on me to people, people who believed them and sadly, people who I thought were my friends.
So when Dana told me what they told her about me, I told her the truth also! I was NOT going to continue to be quiet when they weren't. After I told her, she quit the group! I never thought she'd believe me, much less leave the group. BUT I guess when the Lord touches someone's heart to believe you when you share truth, there's nothing that the lying party can do. Next, I was told that one of his group members was telling people that I drugged him. That the woman he lives with was telling people that she tried to reach out to me to talk (NOT TRUE), and that she asked me for a DNA test (AGAIN, NOT TRUE). She also told Isaiah that when she called me that I cussed her out, called her and Isaiah all types of names and made the situation worst. That was a HUGE lie because I never even got a chance to really talk. She was screaming and when she was done screaming, she hung up on me. It turns out that the years that they lived together have turned her into a great liar as well.
I have consented to confronting them via speaker phone, but he can't and won't face me. He will continue to lie and hide behind the real man of his "family". I had consented to the DNA test that was just bought up, BUT I have changed my mind. I have thought about it and I really don't see the advantage to it. He will never be in her life and he's struggling to take care of the people that he lives with, why should I expect him to take care of MY child, when I am doing a great job ON MY OWN? I am NOT struggling, my lights and gas are ALWAYS on, my cable is never shut off, my fridge is FULL of food and my rent is up to date. I'm positive that he cannot say the same. My children all have clothing, in their sizes, none of which were purchased BY someone else or from the thrift shop! Kyndall has pampers, wipes and everything else she needs. I will not wonder and worry about MY children's Christmas, as they will receive everything that are on their lists! My house is clean, thanks in part to the maid that comes every Thursday to clean what I don't have time to clean while I am working FULL-TIME and going to school for my BS in Health Administration. Kennedy and I work out 5 times a week, while Kyndall and Karson enjoy the other activities at the gym! I am singing again and I have a testimony about how God can love you even after your mess, if only you repent and walk in deliverance. You can't be delivered and STILL lying. Deliverance comes out of truth and I see now that he still doesn't know what that is. It's really sad that a 40 year old woman and a 38 year old man don't know how to live truth. That they continue to lie and hide behind a sin and yet believe that their "ministry" will prosper. I wonder if they know how selfish they're being by allowing people to sleep in that bear trap with them? They have some really talented people in their group who are trying to live right, but are being taught to spread lies about a situation that they know nothing about. Do they realize the danger that they have placed not only their souls in, but also the people who trust him to lead them? That's the part that is the most upsetting. They know the sin, and are walking in it knowingly but those other people know nothing. They are sinning and have no idea but they are still accountable because instead of taking Isaiah at face value, they should pray and ask the Lord for answers....
Oh well, whatcha gonna do? People believe what they want and NEED to believe......
More later... I promise....
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