SO, a whole Spring and Summer has passed without so much as a peep from me, huh? What's new? LOTS! I have a new man in my life, although I don't know if you'd call him new anymore since I've been seeing him since March! Name; George W. Reddick, Age; 44, Height; 6'6 (you know I love the TALL/BIG ones!) Weight; 350lbs. So now you have the stats, and as time goes on I'll share more of him with you. BUT just when I had resigned myself to being by myself, the Lord gave me a wonderful man!
I'm in love.......
D.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Well.... Hello!
Nothing's been going on here, just living day to day and finishing up my degree. Yeah, I'm excited BUT I've done this several times before SO finishing school and graduating is old hat for me now. I'll walk the stage for this AA in July in Phoenix BUT I'll start my BS on March 22, 2011. I'm really excited about getting started, I LOVE learning new things and I am eager to get started!
Anyway, nothing's been happening on the Israel front. Yeah, I said his REAL name. I figured since I left it in the letters, that I would just go ahead and leave it here. He claims that people know so no one should be really shocked or appalled about knowing that he has a daughter that he doesn't even see or know. Hell, it's not like he's never done it before. His other daughter gets no love from him either, since the only children that mean anything are the "Golden Spawn" that he created with the dude he lives with. Low blow? Probably, but this is the only place that I allow myself such pleasures, since I keep this out of my real life.
Actually, there is something to tell. You're gonna think I'm NUTS, but I was actually considering moving BACK to Columbus. I'd made plans to visit there is April with my sister and figured that the reason that I'd never gone back to get my stuff out of storage is because I was somehow "MEANT" to move back there. Up until yesterday, I was really serious about it too. I have a GREAT job offer with the Dept of Job and Family Services making 17.50 hourly, located a great three bedroom condo in Eastland and had even found a church to attend. All that was left was to really just move. BUT I began to think about some things.
1. My daughter REALLY doesn't ever want to lay eyes on him or anyone he's associated with ever again.
2. Since he and his family rely on welfare, while he sits back and does nothing but wait on the record deal that he will never get, I will probably have the misfortune of running into them at my job.
3. I will probably run into them while shopping, getting gas and/or working out.
4. Since I have no clue where their children go to school, there is a chance that I would have to deal with them in that setting as well.
4. When I go out for singing engagements or concerts or out just to dinner, I'll probably see their whack faces then too!
SO, while I really want to go back, I have to consider my children's peace of mind. Kennedy really has no real desire to go back to Columbus. She is afraid that we will run into Israel and/or his thug of a "wife" somewhere and she doesn't want to deal with them. Karson was fine once I reassured him that Israel and his "family" would not be a part of our existence. He doesn't really remember much outside of nightmares about Israel's "wife", so he doesn't really care. He trusts his mom and believes that I would do all that I can to keep those "people" away from him. Kyndall? Well, she just wants to be where Mommie is. Wherever that may be. PLUS Columbus seems to be becoming a ghost town for singers. A good friend of mine was heard on Facebook lamenting that she hasn't sang in a while. And this girl can REALLY sing! I don't want to get there and have my prospects dried up because of Israel's lies, because we ALL know that he can lie REALLY well! People already think that I DRUGGED HIM! I should take him to court for defamation and slander BUT what would I sue him for. All those raggedy computers? Wait! I could get all of those old videos. Naw... Maybe I could sue him for his car? But I don't need a junker. Musical equipment? Nah, that belongs to his "group". Well, I don't think I'll sue him NOW, I'll wait until he has something to sue FOR. It'd be JUST my luck that someone signs this loser, then I'll take him to court for child support! LOL! I don't think that's a REAL worry for me. While there are many people with no talent who have record deals, when they claim to be able to sing and/or play an instrument, they usually can at LEAST play and not leave their fingers in the same place on the keyboard while transposing the key! LOL! Wow! WEML!!!! (WhatEverMajorLoser!)
Well, I'm done with my mangling of this dude today. I'm eventually going to get around to getting the rest of my MySpace blog over here so you can read EVERYTHING. It should make for interesting reading. Especially since you now know his real name.....
D
Anyway, nothing's been happening on the Israel front. Yeah, I said his REAL name. I figured since I left it in the letters, that I would just go ahead and leave it here. He claims that people know so no one should be really shocked or appalled about knowing that he has a daughter that he doesn't even see or know. Hell, it's not like he's never done it before. His other daughter gets no love from him either, since the only children that mean anything are the "Golden Spawn" that he created with the dude he lives with. Low blow? Probably, but this is the only place that I allow myself such pleasures, since I keep this out of my real life.
Actually, there is something to tell. You're gonna think I'm NUTS, but I was actually considering moving BACK to Columbus. I'd made plans to visit there is April with my sister and figured that the reason that I'd never gone back to get my stuff out of storage is because I was somehow "MEANT" to move back there. Up until yesterday, I was really serious about it too. I have a GREAT job offer with the Dept of Job and Family Services making 17.50 hourly, located a great three bedroom condo in Eastland and had even found a church to attend. All that was left was to really just move. BUT I began to think about some things.
1. My daughter REALLY doesn't ever want to lay eyes on him or anyone he's associated with ever again.
2. Since he and his family rely on welfare, while he sits back and does nothing but wait on the record deal that he will never get, I will probably have the misfortune of running into them at my job.
3. I will probably run into them while shopping, getting gas and/or working out.
4. Since I have no clue where their children go to school, there is a chance that I would have to deal with them in that setting as well.
4. When I go out for singing engagements or concerts or out just to dinner, I'll probably see their whack faces then too!
SO, while I really want to go back, I have to consider my children's peace of mind. Kennedy really has no real desire to go back to Columbus. She is afraid that we will run into Israel and/or his thug of a "wife" somewhere and she doesn't want to deal with them. Karson was fine once I reassured him that Israel and his "family" would not be a part of our existence. He doesn't really remember much outside of nightmares about Israel's "wife", so he doesn't really care. He trusts his mom and believes that I would do all that I can to keep those "people" away from him. Kyndall? Well, she just wants to be where Mommie is. Wherever that may be. PLUS Columbus seems to be becoming a ghost town for singers. A good friend of mine was heard on Facebook lamenting that she hasn't sang in a while. And this girl can REALLY sing! I don't want to get there and have my prospects dried up because of Israel's lies, because we ALL know that he can lie REALLY well! People already think that I DRUGGED HIM! I should take him to court for defamation and slander BUT what would I sue him for. All those raggedy computers? Wait! I could get all of those old videos. Naw... Maybe I could sue him for his car? But I don't need a junker. Musical equipment? Nah, that belongs to his "group". Well, I don't think I'll sue him NOW, I'll wait until he has something to sue FOR. It'd be JUST my luck that someone signs this loser, then I'll take him to court for child support! LOL! I don't think that's a REAL worry for me. While there are many people with no talent who have record deals, when they claim to be able to sing and/or play an instrument, they usually can at LEAST play and not leave their fingers in the same place on the keyboard while transposing the key! LOL! Wow! WEML!!!! (WhatEverMajorLoser!)
Well, I'm done with my mangling of this dude today. I'm eventually going to get around to getting the rest of my MySpace blog over here so you can read EVERYTHING. It should make for interesting reading. Especially since you now know his real name.....
D
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A Letter for my "Father". or Ode to a Sperm Donor....
Dad,
I just read your message about the "last name". Are you really going to trip about this? I think out of all the issues that we have, this is the smallest thing for you to worry about. I have spent many years hating the last name "Fain" and about a year ago I decided to change it to my mom's last name. I don't understand why this is such a surprise to you. While you have been trying to be a better father, let's not pretend like you always were. My mother raised me all by herself, she has supported me, stood by me and been there for me throughout my entire life. You, on the other hand, made a new family and forgot about us. You called another man's daughter your "eldest" and I was pushed to the side. NOW, that you decide that you are ready to parent, I'm supposed to forget all the hurt that I have suffered due to your neglect. I have cousins who think that my mom is some horrible person who kept us away from you for no reason. We both know that you were not there, and that when you were, it was usually to hand out some type of discipline. Sometimes you even hit us based on what you were hearing from Aunt Ann or others who didn't know what they were talking about. We weren't bad kids, we just needed a dad and you weren't there.
You hurt my mom so badly that for the past 30 years I have had to sit and watched her be alone because she's afraid to open her heart to anyone else. My brother is in jail because he didn't have anyone to show him how to be a man and the streets claimed him and lastly, you have two grown daughters who have never had a dad so they look for men that will fill that role for them. You have affected every part of my life. I chose men who treated me like you treated my mom. They made babies with me and then left me to raise them alone. So, if you're mad that I don't want your name, imagine how I felt when you didn't want me. Imagine how I felt watching you be a real dad to someone else's kid while I had to live without you.
This is a new year and I have decided not to go through it with past hurts weighing on me. My legal name, right now, is unfortunately still "Fain". It was only "Floyd" on this Facebook page, however I plan to change it legally this year so I can share the same last name as my children and the person who raised me. I have never understood why children have to be named after a man who's sperm was lucky enough to reach an egg because basically that's all you did. You shot some sperm with a good sense of direction, and for that I have to live with the last name of man that I don't even know. I don't think that's fair, I am going to choose who I am.
It can never be said that we haven't tried to form relationships with you. Skye and I asked mom to invite you here for Thanksgiving AND Christmas but we were told that you were going elsewhere. Who is more important than your daughters and grandchildren? When you first got out of jail I offered to pay for you to come and visit. Your excuse? Your probation officer wouldn't let you come. WOW! Your probation officer won't let you visit your daughters and grandchildren THREE hours away, but he will let you LEAVE the state to visit your sister and her lover? When we first moved here, you came to visit, got drunk and called my children "retards" and me, their mother, a "choir whore"! You also called me a bitch that night! You were so proud to tell me that Tiombe didn't like me, as if I really cared since I don't like her either! It seems like everytime I let you back into my life, I end up hurt because you feel entitled to respect that you don't deserve. Respect is EARNED, especially from children that you have not established a relationship with. And believe me, you have NOT established any relationships here. The ONLY reason I let Kennedy deal with you is because when you disappear (and you will), it really won't affect her because she still has me.
SO, be mad over something petty. It's your way. You're not looking at the BIGGER picture, there are many other things that you should be concerned about but go ahead and fret about my "last name". That's the BIG issue! You COULD be worried about whether or not you'll ever see your grandchildren, whether or not I'll EVER speak to you again, if you'll have a relationship with your only son, or if you middle daughter will EVER deal with you again but you choose to be worried about...... My last name.. Really?
Dani
P.S. Do me a favor and stop worrying my mom about this. She knows of my decision and supports me 100%. I don't care if you're mad at me. Either you'll get over it or you won't. There's really no way that I could possibly care less.
I just read your message about the "last name". Are you really going to trip about this? I think out of all the issues that we have, this is the smallest thing for you to worry about. I have spent many years hating the last name "Fain" and about a year ago I decided to change it to my mom's last name. I don't understand why this is such a surprise to you. While you have been trying to be a better father, let's not pretend like you always were. My mother raised me all by herself, she has supported me, stood by me and been there for me throughout my entire life. You, on the other hand, made a new family and forgot about us. You called another man's daughter your "eldest" and I was pushed to the side. NOW, that you decide that you are ready to parent, I'm supposed to forget all the hurt that I have suffered due to your neglect. I have cousins who think that my mom is some horrible person who kept us away from you for no reason. We both know that you were not there, and that when you were, it was usually to hand out some type of discipline. Sometimes you even hit us based on what you were hearing from Aunt Ann or others who didn't know what they were talking about. We weren't bad kids, we just needed a dad and you weren't there.
You hurt my mom so badly that for the past 30 years I have had to sit and watched her be alone because she's afraid to open her heart to anyone else. My brother is in jail because he didn't have anyone to show him how to be a man and the streets claimed him and lastly, you have two grown daughters who have never had a dad so they look for men that will fill that role for them. You have affected every part of my life. I chose men who treated me like you treated my mom. They made babies with me and then left me to raise them alone. So, if you're mad that I don't want your name, imagine how I felt when you didn't want me. Imagine how I felt watching you be a real dad to someone else's kid while I had to live without you.
This is a new year and I have decided not to go through it with past hurts weighing on me. My legal name, right now, is unfortunately still "Fain". It was only "Floyd" on this Facebook page, however I plan to change it legally this year so I can share the same last name as my children and the person who raised me. I have never understood why children have to be named after a man who's sperm was lucky enough to reach an egg because basically that's all you did. You shot some sperm with a good sense of direction, and for that I have to live with the last name of man that I don't even know. I don't think that's fair, I am going to choose who I am.
It can never be said that we haven't tried to form relationships with you. Skye and I asked mom to invite you here for Thanksgiving AND Christmas but we were told that you were going elsewhere. Who is more important than your daughters and grandchildren? When you first got out of jail I offered to pay for you to come and visit. Your excuse? Your probation officer wouldn't let you come. WOW! Your probation officer won't let you visit your daughters and grandchildren THREE hours away, but he will let you LEAVE the state to visit your sister and her lover? When we first moved here, you came to visit, got drunk and called my children "retards" and me, their mother, a "choir whore"! You also called me a bitch that night! You were so proud to tell me that Tiombe didn't like me, as if I really cared since I don't like her either! It seems like everytime I let you back into my life, I end up hurt because you feel entitled to respect that you don't deserve. Respect is EARNED, especially from children that you have not established a relationship with. And believe me, you have NOT established any relationships here. The ONLY reason I let Kennedy deal with you is because when you disappear (and you will), it really won't affect her because she still has me.
SO, be mad over something petty. It's your way. You're not looking at the BIGGER picture, there are many other things that you should be concerned about but go ahead and fret about my "last name". That's the BIG issue! You COULD be worried about whether or not you'll ever see your grandchildren, whether or not I'll EVER speak to you again, if you'll have a relationship with your only son, or if you middle daughter will EVER deal with you again but you choose to be worried about...... My last name.. Really?
Dani
P.S. Do me a favor and stop worrying my mom about this. She knows of my decision and supports me 100%. I don't care if you're mad at me. Either you'll get over it or you won't. There's really no way that I could possibly care less.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
NeW YeAr, NeW Me!!! Welcome, 2011!!
I just wanted to say Happy New Year! All is well and I am still here, praising God for allowing me to see another new year. I have decided to allow some sleeping dogs lie but worry not, I will still be posting my past experiences here. The difference? I will not allow Isaiah or his "wife" to have power over my life anymore. I have realized that even though I am no longer around them, they STILL have so much influence in my life. As much as I hate to admit it, I have allowed what they've done to shape who I am today. It has shaped who I trust, who I love, how I love and even how I serve the Lord. I have given two powerless, useless individuals, who have no control over their OWN lives to control mine. Isn't that strange? Well, NO MORE!! I have decided that their control stops here!
I have released my hatred for her, and my total disdain for him. I have GRANTED forgiveness, meaning that even though I don't quite FEEL forgiveness, I will forgive because it's what the Lord requires of me AND it's what's best for ME and my children. I am living too well to remain mired down by a man who can't even pay his bills. God has been TOO good to me to allow Isaiah Freeman to have so much influence over my life! He doesn't even deserve to be in my thoughts.
I just want to say that I forgive you. I release you. You are no longer a priority in my thoughts. When I am done with this post, I will never think of you again except when I am writing about you in this blog. The ONLY reason I will even continue to write is because it makes ME feel better and people deserve to know what you are, so they won't fall into the same trap that I did. You know the one? Thinking that you were actually a good person! You are a liar and so is your "wife". I feel badly for her because her perception of God is extremely skewed. There is NO WAY that the Lord would make ANYONE stay in a horrible marriage just to prove that He is God! You continue to lie on Him, making Him your reason for staying in a marriage with a man who has somehow convinced you that you NEED him and are a loser without him. BUT when are you going to realize that you are an even bigger loser WITH him! LOL! The two of you are fortunate that I am not using your real names, even though you don't deserve any privacy. One day I will tell who you are, but not until I feel led to.
SO, Happy New Year! This will be the greatest year EVER!!!
Dani
I have released my hatred for her, and my total disdain for him. I have GRANTED forgiveness, meaning that even though I don't quite FEEL forgiveness, I will forgive because it's what the Lord requires of me AND it's what's best for ME and my children. I am living too well to remain mired down by a man who can't even pay his bills. God has been TOO good to me to allow Isaiah Freeman to have so much influence over my life! He doesn't even deserve to be in my thoughts.
I just want to say that I forgive you. I release you. You are no longer a priority in my thoughts. When I am done with this post, I will never think of you again except when I am writing about you in this blog. The ONLY reason I will even continue to write is because it makes ME feel better and people deserve to know what you are, so they won't fall into the same trap that I did. You know the one? Thinking that you were actually a good person! You are a liar and so is your "wife". I feel badly for her because her perception of God is extremely skewed. There is NO WAY that the Lord would make ANYONE stay in a horrible marriage just to prove that He is God! You continue to lie on Him, making Him your reason for staying in a marriage with a man who has somehow convinced you that you NEED him and are a loser without him. BUT when are you going to realize that you are an even bigger loser WITH him! LOL! The two of you are fortunate that I am not using your real names, even though you don't deserve any privacy. One day I will tell who you are, but not until I feel led to.
SO, Happy New Year! This will be the greatest year EVER!!!
Dani
Sunday, December 5, 2010
It's Christmas Time......
Well, Christmas time is here again! The time of year that makes me happy and sad at the same time. Christmas is when I get to watch the looks of joy on my family and friend's faces when they open up a gift from me, but it is also when my best friend, Kimberley Ann Greshem Brewer died, while I was talking to her on the phone. The day AFTER Christmas, as a matter of fact. We were chit-chatting about her visiting because my mom was in town and she really wanted to see us. We wanted to see her and Keyondra as well, but it was not to be. We were laughing about some silliness that happened on Christmas Day, I don't remember now but it was FUNNY! We decided to meet after she gave her mom her breakfast, which she was preparing right then. Then it was she and my mom making their usual crazy commments to each other, so I decided to give mom the phone. Mom and Kimmie talked for a few minutes, with Kim PROMISING that she was almost done. "All I have to do is get Keyondra dressed and we'll be there!" They finished their talk with, "I love you", as they always did and then it was ME back on the phone. "Are you still going to Syracuse this weekend?", she asked me. I told her, "Yeah, and I still need Keyondra's carseat for Karson." She said, "Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me, so I can Keyondra's other careseat from Lee's (her husband) truck." I replied, "OK, so you'll be here in a few?" She didn't answer me, so I started calling her name. "Kim, are you there?" I heard her mom calling her name too, but it didn't occur to me that something might be wrong. (Maybe I was blocking it out?) She still didn't answer and I wasn't really worried since we both had Cricket phones and they ALWAYS drop calls.
I tried to call her back several times that day and no one answered. She didn't come over, so I went to her house and since her car was unlocked, I got the carseat. We'd done this several times, if she didn't have time to bring the carseat by, she would leave her car unlocked for me to get it. I went to the door and knocked but no one answered so I got into mom's car and called her on my cell. She still didn't answer so I left her message, telling her that I had the carseat and that we would call when we got back, that maybe mom could see her then. "Talk you later, Kimmie. Love you, girl, bye.....
It wasn't until I was on my way to Syracuse that I found out what happened. While she was talking to me on the phone, she had a Pulmonary Embolism. In short, a blood clot traveled from one of her legs and became lodged in a main vessel in one of her lungs. Death, I am told, was instant. I hope that's true because if anyone deserved a pain-free, quick death, it was her. With two parents who gave her away, church people who she thought were friends and weren't, an abusive husband who cheated on her constantly and never being able to live for herself because she was so busy trying to take care of an ailing mother, she didn't need to suffer any longer. So, my best friend died on December 26, 2003, which was also her daughter's 3rd birthday, she wasn't even 25 yet.
This is one reason I keep this blog. Kim was more than my best friend, she was someone who would gave told me to fight Isaiah! She would have insisted that I stand up for myself when he and his wife were trashing me about what they felt I SHOULD have been doing. Kim NEVER would have let me do this to myself. I miss her and I wish she were here.....
I love you, Kimberley Ann Gresham Brewer..... Rest In Peace, girl....
I tried to call her back several times that day and no one answered. She didn't come over, so I went to her house and since her car was unlocked, I got the carseat. We'd done this several times, if she didn't have time to bring the carseat by, she would leave her car unlocked for me to get it. I went to the door and knocked but no one answered so I got into mom's car and called her on my cell. She still didn't answer so I left her message, telling her that I had the carseat and that we would call when we got back, that maybe mom could see her then. "Talk you later, Kimmie. Love you, girl, bye.....
It wasn't until I was on my way to Syracuse that I found out what happened. While she was talking to me on the phone, she had a Pulmonary Embolism. In short, a blood clot traveled from one of her legs and became lodged in a main vessel in one of her lungs. Death, I am told, was instant. I hope that's true because if anyone deserved a pain-free, quick death, it was her. With two parents who gave her away, church people who she thought were friends and weren't, an abusive husband who cheated on her constantly and never being able to live for herself because she was so busy trying to take care of an ailing mother, she didn't need to suffer any longer. So, my best friend died on December 26, 2003, which was also her daughter's 3rd birthday, she wasn't even 25 yet.
This is one reason I keep this blog. Kim was more than my best friend, she was someone who would gave told me to fight Isaiah! She would have insisted that I stand up for myself when he and his wife were trashing me about what they felt I SHOULD have been doing. Kim NEVER would have let me do this to myself. I miss her and I wish she were here.....
I love you, Kimberley Ann Gresham Brewer..... Rest In Peace, girl....
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Well....
I find myself a little shaken today. After not hearing a peep from Isaiah for well over two years, I check my e-mail today and there was a letter from him. I thought that if I ever heard from him again, that I would lose it, no matter what he was writing me for. But I couldn't. I have come too far in this to actually make a fool of myself over a man that I don't even love anymore, a man who I know never loved me in the first place. Anyway, here is a copy of the letter he wrote:
First of all let me give you a disclaimer before you even start to read this. I am sending this with all sincerity, no hidden agendas, nobody is coaching me, I'm not being forced, and this is not a last resort effort. I am sending this because I know I need to.
In spite of everything that has been said and done on both of our parts, the true and the untrue, I still care about you and all the kids. I know this can be a strain and I certainly don't want to be anymore of a hindrance that takes your focus off of raising them. I know you will go to hell and back for them. A lot of things have been said and done, and I do know that everything that was said true or not was not necessarily your exact words and some of the details were twisted as being told by others. So just know that goes the same for me. A lot of things that were said from this side of the fence were NOT said or started by me. We were told things by different people concerning your conversations with them either when you were here or after you left. I personally have never got into a conversation about any of this with anyone except Tameka, my pastor, and of course Wendy. And even when Wendy first asked me about you awhile back well before she went off on me, I didn't bash you at all. and you can ask her. The recent uproar of all this is actually from you contacting people and telling them all you have been telling them, and that just starts more trouble, and more people talking.
So listen, this is not as secret on my end as you think and being there and not here you are not getting the full picture. Mostly everyone here either in the group or my inner circle know about this now. And the focus of them knowing is the fact that I fell from grace a few years back, it was my fault, I can't blame anybody else, because no matter what if I was where I was supposed to be in God that wouldn't have happened. And I have been trying to climb my way up from the fall every since. Most of them unless they were in the group at that time don't even know who it was, because I don't even mention your name. The names and details aren't as important as the act. So everyone basically knows and they are still with me, and have forgiven. It is very unfortunate that all this has gone down. And I will take the blame. I should have known better, and I was in leadership so yeah, by right it makes it my fault. That's what God says, to whom much is given much is required, and I failed. I failed you, I failed the ministry, and I failed my marriage. So I have been trying to repair it all since the fall.
Look, you have made it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with me. You have vowed to dedicate your life to being a good mother and raise your children to the best of your ability, and I know you will do that. So I wont bother you after this, I got nothing to say to anyone concerning you, else after this. I am asking for your forgiveness for ALL the wrong I have done or said to you, and like I said, a lot I didn't say or do, but nevertheless I take it all in and ask for your forgiveness.
And yes, I have totally forgiven you for all that has been said, true or not(I'm not sure if you want or need it, but you got it), we have to move on and as long as we hold this we can only go so far.
also your hotmail account is sending out spam emails, FYI
-- Israel
The first thing I did after reading this "letter" is I went immediately to my Hotmail account and changed my password and settings. Then I re-read the "letter" to decided whether or not I wanted to respond. First of all, anyone who knows me knows that I can't just sit back and let someone (even someone I despise) think untruths about me, so OF COURSE I responded. My response was to let him know that even while he thought I was living my life just to make his miserable, that I was paying NO attention to him and his sorry "wife". While I was posting to my blog, I was NOT discussing this with ANYONE IRL! I was venting on my blog while he was seriously lying on me about everything.I also didn't want to disrespect him by not even acknowledging his letter. I wanted him to know that I received it, read it and this is how I feel about the misconceptions that you put in my inbox. Anyway, here's my response to him:
Israel,
As you said yourself, there are many things thaat have been said true and untrue, but there is something that you really need to know. I have NOT contacted anyone concerning this situation. Anything that I told ANYONE was because they contacted ME first. Wendy only knows what she knows, not because of ME but because of you and the lies about me that she said you that YOU told her. I corrected her.Wendy and I spoke about this when my daughter was an INFANT, her knowledge of this not new. After we spoke all those years ago, we lost touch. I think it was mainly because I had gone on with my life and wasn't on MySpace anymore. She left a message for me on MySpace and I happened to check my mail. She told me that she had a new Facebook page and we became friends there, This was about 6-8 weeks ago, she asked me what was new and had you contacted me, I told her no. I told her that I hadn't heard from you since July 2008, which is true. Then I told her that the only thing that I had heard was that you had been at my UHaul storage. THEY called me a few weeks ago and when I asked for a description, it sounded like you so that's who I thought it was. She became angry, I'm assuming because you hadn't even inquired about my baby and wanted to write you. She sent me a copy of the letter and then sent it to you. She wanted to know if I had any issues with her writing and I told her to do what she had to do. NOW, again, whether you believe me or NOT, I have not contacted anyone about you. Why would I do that now? The time to do it would have been when I was mad at you, but I was minding my business. Kyndall is nearly three, what would I gain from bringing this up. You did exactly what I expected you to do. You went away.
Now after the letter, Danielle got involved. If you ask her, she will tell you that Wendy told her what was what. I didn't speak to Danielle until after she already knew. She contacted me on Facebook and I verified what Wendy told her after she told me what was being said about me. After that, she decided to leave your group. I told both of them that since the Lord changed ME, maybe He changed you too and that it was done for me. THEN Danielle told Kristal. Then Kristal contacted me and told me what was being said about me, so I verified what Danielle told her. That was it! I have no interest in making myself look bad and I refused to take the blame in this alone anymore. "Danielle is in sin, she slept with several different men!" "She doesn't know WHO that baby's father is, it could be anyone"! These are the things I was hearing, so obviously I got upset and told the truth. If that makes me wrong, then I am. But MY pastor told me to stop lying about the situation so I did.
And after all this, I was told that you were telling people that I drugged you. (Juanell told Tabitha that!) That I had been chasing you for years and that the main reason I came there was to get pregnant by you. Israel, really? Is that what you really think of me? I drugged you? Wow. Well, anyway, there's nothing I want to say about any of that except that you and I both know none of that is true. You know me better than just about anyone and you KNOW that I don't take being lied on well. For some reason I HAVE to defend myself and that's the only reason I wrote you back. After all the letters I've written you with no reponse from you, I felt that I owed you the respect of validating your letter, the respect that you never gave me when I wrote.
Anyway, you're right. I really don't want anything else to do with you. I have forgiven you and have moved on with my life. It is sad that our friendship had to end this way. Alot of things could have been handled differently. I understand why you wanted to distance yourself, but did you have to do it at my expense? My children continue to suffer because of what I, as their mother allowed to happen to them. To be quite frank, the situation that happened between me and you is secondary. When you sit in an emergency room because your child has tried to kill herself, you gain alot of perspective. Karson is still afraid of going to the bathroom, I don't know what happened yet but I hope whoever terrorized my kids is happy. The sin happened and if you did as I did and asked for forgiveness then God has forgiven you. He has forgiven me too and for that I am grateful. He could have killed us in our sin but He was merciful. He gave me a beautfiul baby girl that I love more than anything. I forgive you and as I wrote you long ago asking for your forgiveness, I hope that you have forgiven me too. However, I am not going to say "IF I did anything", I obviously did for you to say some of the things that you said, SO I ask for your forgiveness as well.
I will do as you asked me and Kyndall will never know who you are. She will never intrude on your life. All I ask is that you send me what belongs to me, for you to replace my laptop and I will close this portion of my life. For some reason, I can't let that go. My therapist says that it's a symbol of what you took from me. You'll be glad to know that I am over you. I guess this is what it took, although I really can't blame just you. It was MY fault too. I could have said no, I could have stayed in Niagara Falls because no matter how much we both lie and say we had no idea that we would end up sleeping together, we BOTH know it was inevitable. BUT I have no regrets because to regret this would be regrettng my daughter and I will NEVER regret having her. Thank you for your part in her, that's the part of you that I will always love. Thanks for the letter, I appreciate you candor and your apology.
Danielle
Now I think I handled that like an adult. However, he STILL blames ME for how this all got out. It's not MY fault people know, it's HIS! I had to defend myself and I refuse to let anyone badmouth me about this situation again.
First of all let me give you a disclaimer before you even start to read this. I am sending this with all sincerity, no hidden agendas, nobody is coaching me, I'm not being forced, and this is not a last resort effort. I am sending this because I know I need to.
In spite of everything that has been said and done on both of our parts, the true and the untrue, I still care about you and all the kids. I know this can be a strain and I certainly don't want to be anymore of a hindrance that takes your focus off of raising them. I know you will go to hell and back for them. A lot of things have been said and done, and I do know that everything that was said true or not was not necessarily your exact words and some of the details were twisted as being told by others. So just know that goes the same for me. A lot of things that were said from this side of the fence were NOT said or started by me. We were told things by different people concerning your conversations with them either when you were here or after you left. I personally have never got into a conversation about any of this with anyone except Tameka, my pastor, and of course Wendy. And even when Wendy first asked me about you awhile back well before she went off on me, I didn't bash you at all. and you can ask her. The recent uproar of all this is actually from you contacting people and telling them all you have been telling them, and that just starts more trouble, and more people talking.
So listen, this is not as secret on my end as you think and being there and not here you are not getting the full picture. Mostly everyone here either in the group or my inner circle know about this now. And the focus of them knowing is the fact that I fell from grace a few years back, it was my fault, I can't blame anybody else, because no matter what if I was where I was supposed to be in God that wouldn't have happened. And I have been trying to climb my way up from the fall every since. Most of them unless they were in the group at that time don't even know who it was, because I don't even mention your name. The names and details aren't as important as the act. So everyone basically knows and they are still with me, and have forgiven. It is very unfortunate that all this has gone down. And I will take the blame. I should have known better, and I was in leadership so yeah, by right it makes it my fault. That's what God says, to whom much is given much is required, and I failed. I failed you, I failed the ministry, and I failed my marriage. So I have been trying to repair it all since the fall.
Look, you have made it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with me. You have vowed to dedicate your life to being a good mother and raise your children to the best of your ability, and I know you will do that. So I wont bother you after this, I got nothing to say to anyone concerning you, else after this. I am asking for your forgiveness for ALL the wrong I have done or said to you, and like I said, a lot I didn't say or do, but nevertheless I take it all in and ask for your forgiveness.
And yes, I have totally forgiven you for all that has been said, true or not(I'm not sure if you want or need it, but you got it), we have to move on and as long as we hold this we can only go so far.
also your hotmail account is sending out spam emails, FYI
-- Israel
The first thing I did after reading this "letter" is I went immediately to my Hotmail account and changed my password and settings. Then I re-read the "letter" to decided whether or not I wanted to respond. First of all, anyone who knows me knows that I can't just sit back and let someone (even someone I despise) think untruths about me, so OF COURSE I responded. My response was to let him know that even while he thought I was living my life just to make his miserable, that I was paying NO attention to him and his sorry "wife". While I was posting to my blog, I was NOT discussing this with ANYONE IRL! I was venting on my blog while he was seriously lying on me about everything.I also didn't want to disrespect him by not even acknowledging his letter. I wanted him to know that I received it, read it and this is how I feel about the misconceptions that you put in my inbox. Anyway, here's my response to him:
Israel,
As you said yourself, there are many things thaat have been said true and untrue, but there is something that you really need to know. I have NOT contacted anyone concerning this situation. Anything that I told ANYONE was because they contacted ME first. Wendy only knows what she knows, not because of ME but because of you and the lies about me that she said you that YOU told her. I corrected her.Wendy and I spoke about this when my daughter was an INFANT, her knowledge of this not new. After we spoke all those years ago, we lost touch. I think it was mainly because I had gone on with my life and wasn't on MySpace anymore. She left a message for me on MySpace and I happened to check my mail. She told me that she had a new Facebook page and we became friends there, This was about 6-8 weeks ago, she asked me what was new and had you contacted me, I told her no. I told her that I hadn't heard from you since July 2008, which is true. Then I told her that the only thing that I had heard was that you had been at my UHaul storage. THEY called me a few weeks ago and when I asked for a description, it sounded like you so that's who I thought it was. She became angry, I'm assuming because you hadn't even inquired about my baby and wanted to write you. She sent me a copy of the letter and then sent it to you. She wanted to know if I had any issues with her writing and I told her to do what she had to do. NOW, again, whether you believe me or NOT, I have not contacted anyone about you. Why would I do that now? The time to do it would have been when I was mad at you, but I was minding my business. Kyndall is nearly three, what would I gain from bringing this up. You did exactly what I expected you to do. You went away.
Now after the letter, Danielle got involved. If you ask her, she will tell you that Wendy told her what was what. I didn't speak to Danielle until after she already knew. She contacted me on Facebook and I verified what Wendy told her after she told me what was being said about me. After that, she decided to leave your group. I told both of them that since the Lord changed ME, maybe He changed you too and that it was done for me. THEN Danielle told Kristal. Then Kristal contacted me and told me what was being said about me, so I verified what Danielle told her. That was it! I have no interest in making myself look bad and I refused to take the blame in this alone anymore. "Danielle is in sin, she slept with several different men!" "She doesn't know WHO that baby's father is, it could be anyone"! These are the things I was hearing, so obviously I got upset and told the truth. If that makes me wrong, then I am. But MY pastor told me to stop lying about the situation so I did.
And after all this, I was told that you were telling people that I drugged you. (Juanell told Tabitha that!) That I had been chasing you for years and that the main reason I came there was to get pregnant by you. Israel, really? Is that what you really think of me? I drugged you? Wow. Well, anyway, there's nothing I want to say about any of that except that you and I both know none of that is true. You know me better than just about anyone and you KNOW that I don't take being lied on well. For some reason I HAVE to defend myself and that's the only reason I wrote you back. After all the letters I've written you with no reponse from you, I felt that I owed you the respect of validating your letter, the respect that you never gave me when I wrote.
Anyway, you're right. I really don't want anything else to do with you. I have forgiven you and have moved on with my life. It is sad that our friendship had to end this way. Alot of things could have been handled differently. I understand why you wanted to distance yourself, but did you have to do it at my expense? My children continue to suffer because of what I, as their mother allowed to happen to them. To be quite frank, the situation that happened between me and you is secondary. When you sit in an emergency room because your child has tried to kill herself, you gain alot of perspective. Karson is still afraid of going to the bathroom, I don't know what happened yet but I hope whoever terrorized my kids is happy. The sin happened and if you did as I did and asked for forgiveness then God has forgiven you. He has forgiven me too and for that I am grateful. He could have killed us in our sin but He was merciful. He gave me a beautfiul baby girl that I love more than anything. I forgive you and as I wrote you long ago asking for your forgiveness, I hope that you have forgiven me too. However, I am not going to say "IF I did anything", I obviously did for you to say some of the things that you said, SO I ask for your forgiveness as well.
I will do as you asked me and Kyndall will never know who you are. She will never intrude on your life. All I ask is that you send me what belongs to me, for you to replace my laptop and I will close this portion of my life. For some reason, I can't let that go. My therapist says that it's a symbol of what you took from me. You'll be glad to know that I am over you. I guess this is what it took, although I really can't blame just you. It was MY fault too. I could have said no, I could have stayed in Niagara Falls because no matter how much we both lie and say we had no idea that we would end up sleeping together, we BOTH know it was inevitable. BUT I have no regrets because to regret this would be regrettng my daughter and I will NEVER regret having her. Thank you for your part in her, that's the part of you that I will always love. Thanks for the letter, I appreciate you candor and your apology.
Danielle
Now I think I handled that like an adult. However, he STILL blames ME for how this all got out. It's not MY fault people know, it's HIS! I had to defend myself and I refuse to let anyone badmouth me about this situation again.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
More MySpace Blog....
OK.... STILL trying to get it all over here so I can delete my MySpace page....
Sep 10, 2008
Current mood: energetic
HEY ALL!!
You know what? I am really digging my life right now! I'm living a life that I never in a million years thought I'd be living! I can go to the bank and withdraw money without even THINKING about it! Today I withdrew $1.000.00 dollars and took my 8 month old shopping for absolutely NO REASON! (Oh, somebody remind me to go get some onesies and socks, I totally forgot!) God has been SO good to me, He could have let me die in my sin, but He was merciful to me and my children!
I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who can sing, JUST LIKE HER MOM! She's a big girl who is doing wonderfully in 5th grade! As a matter of fact, she has become so much more well behaved since we returned from Hell. She's a little lady who's always trying to help me take care of her brother and sister! It looks like the therapy is really helping her AND Karson. They've changed so much since we've been back. And guess what? I don't have to beat them to death! I KNEW it could be done! I KNEW that I didn't have to shame and ridicule them to get them to mind me.
I have a 6 year old son who is my little man. In fact, he's the ONLY man who has never lied to me or hurt me. It's a shame when a 6 year old is more of a man than a 36 year old. That's the best thing, children tell the truth no matter what! Whether you love it or hate it, they always say what's what! He's doing really well in his drum lessons and he LOVES his karate lessons. You can't lock children in the house and expect them to thrive!
And last but CERTAINLY not least, I have a beautiful 8 month old. She's my sweet little heart! I love Kyndall so much sometimes I can't bear it but it has in no way underscored the love I feel for my other babies! These children have bought me through some horrible days and nights! Man, if it weren't for them and the Lord I don't know where I'd be right now!
It feels good to be doing what I want to do, to be going to church where I want to go, to be singing in a ministry that actually has a chance to go somewhere because God really ordained it. Where the leader is a true man of God and not always "booty" hunting. A man who KNOWS how to minister to God's people and not sound awkward and has no Word in him to share with people! It's ONE thing to sound O.K. and have annointing but a totally different thing when you're singing and the only people who feel anything are the people in your group!
It's good to spend MY money the way I want and to not have to worry about someone checking my bank account to see how much he can "borrow" from me KNOWING that I am trying to raise children on my own OR calling my choices dumb just because I'M not used to being without money! I'm used to having money and spending it ANYWAY I CHOOSE! God has always been good to me. And I have NEVER gone without ANYTHING that I needed! He has always made certain that I and my children have never gone without anything!
So anyway, Kyndall and I went shopping today.... AGAIN! We went to The Children's Place, Old Navy (I was disappointed there!), Baby Gap. Osh Kosh, and then we ran through Gymboree and that was all before 1:00pm! Keep in mind now that the mall doesn't open until 10:00am!! LOL Yeah we did ALOT of damage in just three hours! Then we had a lunch break. (I had chinese and Kyndall had breastmilk and pears!) THEN we ran out to Babies'R'Us for onesies, socks, and some of the cutest bibs and shoes EVER! We had a BALL running around today! We mde ANOTHER bank run and went over to FootLocker (for Kennedy and Karson!). I HATE SNEAKERS, but my kids like them SO I guess I'll be buying them for a while! I hope that Kyndall is my girlie girl who doesn't like them because Kennedy LOVES them! We stopped in Stride-Rite for Kyndall's FIRST pre-walker shoes!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! She was measured and EVERYTHING! LOL Kyn and I had SO much fun today! She was kinda cranky 'cause she didn't really get to nap with me snapping her in and out of the car base and onto her stroller and back onto her car base! And it didn't help that we kept getting stopped by people saying how beautiful my baby is, well she IS beautiful! What can I say? I'm just happy that she looks like ME and KARSON! A blessing! LOL I just hope we can do that again soon, I had so mch fun being with my daughter! With her smile, and those beautiful eyes and ALL THAT hair! I love my baby so much and I praise the Lord daily for her! Anyway, thank you for reading about my day with my daughter...... Probably bored the crap outta you but I was excited!!! LOL
God Bless,
Dani and Kyndall
10:05 PM
Sep 10, 2008
Current mood: energetic
HEY ALL!!
You know what? I am really digging my life right now! I'm living a life that I never in a million years thought I'd be living! I can go to the bank and withdraw money without even THINKING about it! Today I withdrew $1.000.00 dollars and took my 8 month old shopping for absolutely NO REASON! (Oh, somebody remind me to go get some onesies and socks, I totally forgot!) God has been SO good to me, He could have let me die in my sin, but He was merciful to me and my children!
I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who can sing, JUST LIKE HER MOM! She's a big girl who is doing wonderfully in 5th grade! As a matter of fact, she has become so much more well behaved since we returned from Hell. She's a little lady who's always trying to help me take care of her brother and sister! It looks like the therapy is really helping her AND Karson. They've changed so much since we've been back. And guess what? I don't have to beat them to death! I KNEW it could be done! I KNEW that I didn't have to shame and ridicule them to get them to mind me.
I have a 6 year old son who is my little man. In fact, he's the ONLY man who has never lied to me or hurt me. It's a shame when a 6 year old is more of a man than a 36 year old. That's the best thing, children tell the truth no matter what! Whether you love it or hate it, they always say what's what! He's doing really well in his drum lessons and he LOVES his karate lessons. You can't lock children in the house and expect them to thrive!
And last but CERTAINLY not least, I have a beautiful 8 month old. She's my sweet little heart! I love Kyndall so much sometimes I can't bear it but it has in no way underscored the love I feel for my other babies! These children have bought me through some horrible days and nights! Man, if it weren't for them and the Lord I don't know where I'd be right now!
It feels good to be doing what I want to do, to be going to church where I want to go, to be singing in a ministry that actually has a chance to go somewhere because God really ordained it. Where the leader is a true man of God and not always "booty" hunting. A man who KNOWS how to minister to God's people and not sound awkward and has no Word in him to share with people! It's ONE thing to sound O.K. and have annointing but a totally different thing when you're singing and the only people who feel anything are the people in your group!
It's good to spend MY money the way I want and to not have to worry about someone checking my bank account to see how much he can "borrow" from me KNOWING that I am trying to raise children on my own OR calling my choices dumb just because I'M not used to being without money! I'm used to having money and spending it ANYWAY I CHOOSE! God has always been good to me. And I have NEVER gone without ANYTHING that I needed! He has always made certain that I and my children have never gone without anything!
So anyway, Kyndall and I went shopping today.... AGAIN! We went to The Children's Place, Old Navy (I was disappointed there!), Baby Gap. Osh Kosh, and then we ran through Gymboree and that was all before 1:00pm! Keep in mind now that the mall doesn't open until 10:00am!! LOL Yeah we did ALOT of damage in just three hours! Then we had a lunch break. (I had chinese and Kyndall had breastmilk and pears!) THEN we ran out to Babies'R'Us for onesies, socks, and some of the cutest bibs and shoes EVER! We had a BALL running around today! We mde ANOTHER bank run and went over to FootLocker (for Kennedy and Karson!). I HATE SNEAKERS, but my kids like them SO I guess I'll be buying them for a while! I hope that Kyndall is my girlie girl who doesn't like them because Kennedy LOVES them! We stopped in Stride-Rite for Kyndall's FIRST pre-walker shoes!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! She was measured and EVERYTHING! LOL Kyn and I had SO much fun today! She was kinda cranky 'cause she didn't really get to nap with me snapping her in and out of the car base and onto her stroller and back onto her car base! And it didn't help that we kept getting stopped by people saying how beautiful my baby is, well she IS beautiful! What can I say? I'm just happy that she looks like ME and KARSON! A blessing! LOL I just hope we can do that again soon, I had so mch fun being with my daughter! With her smile, and those beautiful eyes and ALL THAT hair! I love my baby so much and I praise the Lord daily for her! Anyway, thank you for reading about my day with my daughter...... Probably bored the crap outta you but I was excited!!! LOL
God Bless,
Dani and Kyndall
10:05 PM
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