We meet again...

Well, here we go....

I had no idea that searching for an ex on MySpace would get me into so much trouble, but it did! I had been thinking of him for a while, as a matter of fact since our break-up (if you'd call it that) years before, I really hadn't STOPPED thinking of him. What kept me from contacting him was the fact that I knew he had married again and since I had been in a relationship with him during his FIRST marriage, I had no desire to go down that road with him again. Yet, for some reason I typed his name into that search box on MySpace and was immediately surprised when his picture popped up! Now don't misunderstand me. I wasn't hunting him, as a matter of fact I had typed a few other names in that box before his! I had JUST discovered MySpace and had connected with several old friends so I thought this was a good way to get in touch with people from my past. Basically I was just looking to "catch up" with people who meant something to me in the past. Anyway, I clicked on his picture and started reading his profile. It was surprising to see that he didn't mention his "wife" at all. She was so absent from his page, I actually thought that they might not be together anymore! Then I scrolled down and looked at his Top Friends and saw her there, it didn't bother me though, because I thought, "I'm just trying to reach out to an old friend." I wrote him a short message, asking him how he was doing and telling him how to reach me if he wanted to reconnect. I actually didn't think that he would write me back, but I figured if he didn't I would be OK with that. We didn't really part on bad terms, we didn't part on ANY terms. He was just kind of snatched out of my life so maybe that's another reason that I needed to talk to him again. Closure? I don't know for sure, but it's one theory. SURPRISE! He wrote me BACK! I don't know why I was SO excited that he had written me back. He wrote that he was happy to hear from me after all the time that had passed. Asked me about my life, how I was doing. Hell, he even asked me about Kennedy, he didn't know I'd had a second child! He also left his information for me, basically just left his YIM addy for me and another e-mail address. His message was short and very sweet but I see NOW that after I got it, I should have never even written him back. WAIT!!! I can't say that, because if I'd never written him back, I wouldn't have Kyndall. SO, I take that back. Kyndall is the only reason that I feel anything good about Columbus, OH. BUT, I am getting ahead of myself. O.K... Back to the story...

We wrote e-mails back and forth for a little while and then we graduated to IMing. We used to IM each other while we were at work, most of the time we chatted for hours. One evening we were IMing as usual and he asked for my phone number, I thought about it for a minute. Why? Well, because it seemed that IMing was "safe", talking on the phone? Not so safe. It took me a minute but I finally gave it to him, not even a minute later, my phone rang. I hesitated in picking it up because of what his voice used to do to me years ago, I was actually scared to pick up. I knew it was him and I KNOW that when he talks I want to do whatever he says. But then, I thought, I'm pretty safe. I'm here in Niagara Falls, NY and he's ALL THE WAY in Columbus, OH. Just a tip, ladies...... Distance doesn't matter. When I picked up the phone and he said hello, it was as if we never stopped talking all those years before. He was the same Isaiah and I was the same Dani, it was like we never parted. His voice still had the same effect on me. After that night, we talked on the phone daily, sometimes for HOURS. His wife had gone to Syracuse where she has a job that she does there every summer. He was alone in the house because she had taken the kids with her so there was PLENTY of time for us to talk. Plenty of time for us to get to know each other again, and plenty of time for me to fall totally in love with him again. I can't say how he felt about me, I still have no clue as to what his REAL feelings for me were. I can only speak for and about me and my feelings. One night we were on the phone talking and we had a conversation that changed everything. We had talked all night long and on this particular night I discovered that I still had feelings for him. Feelings? I found that I still loved him, so I told him so. He told me that he had never stopped loving me. The difference between our declarations of love? I was telling the truth. After that night, we were in love again. He called me daily, sometimes just to tell me how much he loved me. His family had returned from Syracuse and he STILL would make time to call me. He used to call just to hear my voice, and that made me feel like the luckiest woman on earth.

Another Day...

WELL! Today was another typical day in my life. I was up with the sun, sent the kids off to school and hung out with Kyndall all day! I did get some things done! I managed to organize some of my thoughts for this blog. I was actually asking myself just how much of my life that I should share here. You know, just in case some of the people who affected me the most reads this. BUT, I have decided to share it ALL. I will chronicle the year I spent in Ohio being a broke man's whore, I will write about the birth of my baby who is the result of that affair. Nothing will be held back! I'm tired of protecting this man and I really believe that the world needs to know who and what he is. SO starting tomorrow I will begin this journey with you and I hope that you can see the real me. I will not "sugarcoat" anything, I plan to be transparent. See you tomorrow!!

Dani

HI!

This is just something I decided to start TODAY! I feel like my life is actually interesting enough to write about and I'm really going to be sharing quite a few things. Experiences about my past, present and where I hope to be in the future! Just a few things you need to know:

1. If you decide to read this blog, just know that there are some things that are in my past that are NOT pretty. I plan to discuss those things. Why? Well, because by reading about my past, you can get to know who I am as a person. Mistakes I've made and learned from have made me the person I am today. That being said, if you see something you'd rather not read about, simply scroll past it! I won't be offended, of course I won't even know unless you tell me!

2. I am a Christian who has done some not-so-Christian things. I have been forgiven by faith and I am working on having a stronger relationship with the Lord so that I won't find myself doing not-so-Christian things anymore. If by chance, you are one of those "overly deep" Christians who has never made a mistake and plan to use my blog to vent and judge me and/or others, PLEASE move on. I have been forgiven by God and I will NOT stand for anyone who is as human as I am to "put me on blast" on my OWN blog!

3. Anyone associated with experiences I've had in my past will have their names changed for their privacy. Just because I want to cleanse myself doesn't mean that they're in that same place.

Anyway, those are the main things that you need to know before reading about me! Any questions? Or if I haven't made anything clear OR even if you just wanna disagree with something I've posted, FEEL FREE!!! I love responses and will answer as soon as possible!

Thanks for reading!